Tuesday, June 17, 2008


By: Guido

Javon Walker is just another victim of having more money than he knows what to do with. So, with all the troubles that NFL and NBA players seem to be having, Rockstar Games would be stupid not to jump on this free marking campaign and make some money.

Its new and it's da bomb, G. It's Grand Theft Auto V: NBA vs NFL. Yo, this game is so hot it will burn ya hands when ya steal it from your favorite electronic outlet. The game modes are crazy sick, dawg.

In Michael Vick mode you try to make millions running an illegal dog-fighting ring. The only problem is that you are currently tied up as the quarterback for the local football franchise. Don't let your responsibilities get in the way of being the "top dawg."

He shoots. He scores. Up in the club that is. They don't call him a shooting guard for nothin'. Play as Stephen Jackson and avoid all contact with the law as you serve your 7 game suspension. Go to strip clubs, buy dope and carjack mofo's, but look out for Johnny Law. Also, don't forget to father a few illegitimate seeds before you go back to your duties as team captain of the local b-ball squad.

Picture yourself in a cold, nothern NY city, KER-PLOW!, what the shizel was that? Holy Cedric Benson, you just nailed a pedestrian and she ain't movin' homie. Better get the &%@$ outta here! You already have enough on your plate with that sexual assault case stemming from an ex-skank. She just wanted you for your money anyways. Snap out of it dawg, you gotta lay low for a few weeks. Can you put aside your urges to go to the strip club and you weed dealer aside and hide out? Just another exciting mode featured in the new GTA!

You're a famous NBA Superstar. You have the best selling replica jersey and three NBA titles to boot. Unfortunatley some white beotch is claiming that you forced yourself on and into her at a ski resort hotel. Dumb white girl. Doesn't she know who you are? You told her to keep her mouth shut and now look? You've lost all credibility and probably some fans. Can you escape the Hotel with your head held high or will you be taken away in cuffs? Will you be able to bounce back on the court and also with your wifey? This is the toughest challenge in the game. Beat all four game modes and unlock the ULTIMATE LEVEL!

There are blood stains on the carpet, not to mention your shoes, gloves and knives. Did you really just kill your ex-wife and her boyfriend in a blind rage? No, it wasn't a blind rage. You, O.J., definetly plotted it out. Carefully. Very Carefully. You must flee. Make yourself vanish. The next few days are a shitstorm. You already don't pay for cable and now the cops are after you for murder. You can't turn yourself in. You and a buddy jump into your B-A-double D-A-double crooked letter white suv. Can your buddy out run the cops? Will you be found guilty of murder? Will Naked Gun 2 1/2 become a classic? Will you get busted by DirecTV? What about that sports memorbilia guy? He is such a punkass.

Not sold in any stores! Buy it today! Mark Chumura and Karl Malone approved!

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