Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Call 'em like you see 'em

By: Harvey

So, apparently during some offseason jaunt to Vegas with ex-Bear and current Viking Bobby Wade, Brian Urlacher referred to Jay Cutler as a pussy.

Wade, being the piss-ant jagbag that he is, ran to some media-type covering the Vikings and related these tales. I suppose they're probably talking about it in the Chicago media and making a mountain out of the football season's first mole-hill.

The thing is . . . Jay Cutler is a pussy. What's the big deal? After his crybaby antics in Denver, who the hell wasn't calling him a big whiny vagine-y? I hope he has a great season, don't get me wrong . . . but every player in the league was probably saying similar stuff about the guy. He asked for it.

Furthermore, who gives a flying fuck-and-a-half about what Brian Urlacher thinks about Jay Cutler? They could say no more than two words to each other all season, and the team could very well still win a bunch of games and make it to the playoffs. They don't have to co-exist. They don't have to share the field. They don't have to work together. If there was ever a sport in which team chemistry is not necessary to still win — football has to be it.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Crazy Bastards

By: Harvey

Fun times at the New York Mets headquarters.

Last night's headlines out of Queens had the downtrodden franchise firing a team executive, and during the press conference to announce that firing . . . Mets GM and resident stupid asshole Omar Minaya accused a New York Daily News reporter for surfacing the story in an attempt to get himself a job in the Mets organization.

The axed exec is Tony Bernazard, VP of player personnel. The title sounds impressive, but somehow I doubt the overall importance of a guy who lets himself get fired for tearing off his shirt and challenging members of the Mets' Class AA Binghamton affiliate to a brawl during a postgame tirade.

In a moment of pure professionalism during the press conference to address the Bernazard issue, Minaya decided to single out Daily News beat writer Adam Rubin in what sounds to me like some sort of lame-brained attempt to remove the focus from himself and the clusterfuck he has allowed the Mets organization to become.

"You got to understand this: Adam for the past couple of years has lobbied for a player development position. He has lobbied myself, he has lobbied Tony," Minaya said of Rubin, more or less implying that Rubin's recent stories about the Mets' tumultulous farm system have been nothing more than an attempt to get people fired and open up a position for himself.

Rubin acknowledged his desire to work for a big league club in some capacity, but of course denied any "conspiracy" and denied Minaya's bizaare claims.

Keep in mind that while he was at this press conference, Rubin hadn't said a word up to that point. Minaya walked in there and did this all on his own. Certainly sounds like the mentality of a powerful decision-maker with a major league franchise.

Then again, I'd probably be cracking up, too. After all, Minaya's Mets were supposed to be contenders to win the NL East . . . and now they're pretty much left to be thankful for not finishing in the basement thanks to the god-awful shitty mess otherwise known as the Washington "Let's-Not-Sign-The-Number-One-Pick-For-The-Second-Year-In-A-Row" Nationals.

Only in New York, right? I'm glad it's happening there. All those asshole Mets fans deserve it. Hopefully they're taking notes in the Bronx.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Better Late Than Never

By: Harvey

I know I'm a little late on this one, but the Home Run Derby blows more than Guido when he's trying to manually air up his inflatable woman.

I watched this year (why?) and was at first pleasantly surprised to realize that Chris Berman apparently took a couple Valium or Quaaludes before the broadcast. I find his over-the-top antics to be cheesy, unprofessional and generally an inspiration to change the channel, so it was refreshing that he seemed to have his tired act toned down a notch or 12.

Here's the thing, though. When Berman isn't motor-mouthing and being an obnoxious asshole, you start to realize just how little Steve Phillips and Joe Morgan have to say.

Honestly, I've always considered Phillips somewhat of a dimwit, anyway. The guy was a collosal failure as a general manager — so I've always questioned exactly how much useful front-office insight he can really provide.

I don't find Morgan as irritating as most do, although I'm pretty sure if you got him started he could talk about himself until the 2012 World Series. Nonstop. The guy loves to talk about the glory days, and that seems to be his function on ESPN broadcasts. It has to be, because he's incredibly out of touch with today's game and on a regular basis proves as much.

This television "Dream Team" doesn't exactly make for a great broadcast. Shocking! Worse yet is the actual derby, where every hitter swings at every fourth pitch and makes the whole song and dance last right around three hours. They need to do something to spice it up. Let these big HGH monsters use aluminum bats. Allow the winner to get behind the wheel of a Miata and run Chris Berman and Bud Selig down in the outfield grass. Tie the hands of any fan in a Cardinals hat behind his/her back and place them in prime home run territory . . . did I mention the blindfolds they'd be wearing? Hilarity!

Speaking of the Cardinals' fans, I'm glad Albert Pujols played like shit in the All-Star Game. Nothing personal against him, but anything that can ruin the night of a Cardinals fan — especially a fan that paid out the ass to be there when the game was in St. Louis — is fine by me. Most of these people need a dose of reality now and again anyway.

Probably Saints fans

By: Harvey

Here's a little something I found on the New Orleans Times-Picayune Web site.

"A 3-month-old Westwego girl covered in rat bites was found dead in her home Thursday, and authorities were trying to determine whether they played a role in her death.

Natalie Hill was found shortly after 7:30 a.m. in her crib by paramedics responding to an emergency call. When paramedics and police officers arrived, they found the child's father standing in front of the house in the 700 block of Central Avenue, yelling that his daughter was dead inside, said Westwego Police Chief Dwayne Munch Sr.

The parents were identified by neighbors as Robby Hill and Casey Laine.

Munch said the child had what appeared to be "hundreds" of bite marks on her body and severe damage to her right leg and nose. The officers saw footprints on the bloody sheets in the crib and determined that rats or other small rodents had done the damage."

Just another reason to say fuck New Orleans. They let their babies get eaten by rats down there.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Oh the Humanity

by: Santorum

Finally. It's here! The Lebron getting dunked on tape is out and open to the public. It's pretty much what i expected it to be, nothing to have ever made a fuss about. Anyway it's a bunch of bullshit and I can't even believe I took the time to write this. I beg your pardon.

Mirror Mirror


I'm sure you have all recently heard of what happened to Erin Andrews.Probably you have seen the videos. I have. Now i DO NOT condone this type of behavior. It is wrong to tape people without their knowledge. However, if you are going to do this type of thing then you should invest in a decent recorder. Something with HD or such so a person can see what has been tape clearly. I understand why Erin Andrews is upset. She has been violated, but with a body like that...well at least Broadway Joe didn't try to shove his tongue down her throat.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Still a dickhead

By: Harvey

It wouldn't be a season unless Tony La Russa did something to prove to all of us that no matter his managing prowess, he still scores a zero for personality.

I didn't see this myself, but apparently Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hrabosky — an ex-Redbird and current color man/borderline retard for Fox Sports Midwest's Cardinals broadcasts — actually got something right during a recent broadcast. He said it was inexcusable for Yadier Molina to not run out a pop-up with the bases loaded.

The pop fly was dropped and an out was still made on a force play at second base (all the runners had to hang tight since it didn't get far beyond the infield dirt), but word is Yadier was already on his way back to the dugout — bat still in hand — when the ball dropped in. He recovered and made it back to first, but the play still caught Hrabosky's eye.

He briefly ragged on Yadier, something he rarely does to a Cardinal player, and La Jackass caught wind of it and proceeded to tell a group of reporters that Al ought to be ashamed of himself and that Pete Rose himself didn't run out every pop fly.

Now, I know and Al knows that Yadi is a hustler. As poor as he is at his job, Hrabosky was doing what he is paid to do — calling it the way he sees it. No matter how many times Molina backs up a play at first or hustles on the basepaths, if he takes a play off he should be subject to criticism the same way any of his teammates would be. As a former big leaguer, Al is just as qualified as Tony to evaluate what he sees on the field.

In fact, Al didn't say another word about it until La Cocksucker started using the press (like a chickenshit) to take shots at the Cardinal color man, who is in the last year of his deal. A FSMW spokesman said the network has no plans to reprimand Hrabosky — since he was doing what he is paid to do — but Tony has been reluctant to let it go and I suppose feels he is standing up for one of his guys.

I don't fault Tony for defending his player, but as usual I fault his piss-poor approach to doing so. He made a mountain out of a mole hill by even discussing it publicly. If he had a problem, he should've gone to Hrabosky. From all the Hungarian's quotes in the aftermath of this "controversy", it seems he would've been willing to discuss it like a man with La Russa. In fact, I'm guessing the play in question never would've been discussed in the booth again.

Mr. Personality may be a great manager and a players' manager to boot, but he ought to pick his battles a little more wisely. When you do things like this, it only makes you look like an asshole. Of course, when you really are an asshole, I guess maybe you don't care if everybody else knows it.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Obama's First Pitch

By: Guido

When did the first pitch become bigger than the game? For being President, Obama sure has alot of time on his hands. I can't wait to see him do the coin flip for the Super Bowl and wave the green flag at the Ford 400 and present the Lakers with their championship rings...really Obama? Why don't you get some work done and enjoy the major sporting events like the rest of us-FROM THE COUCH!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

UFC 100 Preview


Heavyweight Championship unification bout: Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir
Guido says: Mir by decision
Welterweight Championship bout: Georges St-Pierre vs. Thiago Alves
Guido says: GSP by KO
Welterweight bout: Jon Fitch vs. Paulo Thiago
Guido says: Fitch by KO
Middleweight bout: Dan Henderson vs. Michael Bisping
Guido says: Bisping by KO
Middleweight bout: Yoshihiro Akiyama vs. Alan Belcher
Guido says: Belcher by Submission

Preliminary card
Light Heavyweight bout: Mark Coleman vs. Stephan Bonnar
Lightweight bout: Mac Danzig vs. Jim Miller
Light Heavyweight bout: Jon Jones vs. Jake O'Brien
Welterweight bout: Dong Hyun Kim vs. TJ Grant(as a replacement for Jonathan Goulet)
Middleweight bout: C.B. Dollaway vs. Tom Lawlor
Lightweight bout: Matt Grice vs. Shannon Gugerty

Guido's All Stars AL

By: Guido

C - Joe Mauer *Twins*
1B - Justin Morneau *Twins*
2B - Aaron Hill *Blue Jays*
3B - Miguel Cabrera *Tigers*
SS - Jason Bartlett *Rays*
OF - Carl Crawford *Rays*
OF - Torii Hunter *Angels*
OF - Jason Bay *Red Sox*

C,3B,OF - Brandon Inge *Tigers*
C,1B - Víctor Martínez *Indians*
1B - Mark Teixeira *Yankees*
2B - Ian Kinsler *Rangers*
2B - Robinson Canó *Yankees*
2B,3B - Chone Figgins *Angels*
2B,SS,OF - Ben Zobrist *Rays*
3B - Evan Longoria *Rays*
SS - Derek Jeter *Yankees*
OF - Shin-Soo Choo *Indians*
OF - Adam Jones *Orioles*
OF - Adam Lind *Blue Jays*

Zack Greinke *Royals*
Roy Halladay *Blue Jays*
Edwin Jackson *Tigers*
Félix Hernández *Mariners*
Jered Weaver *Angels*
Joe Nathan *Twins*
Mariano Rivera *Yankees*
Brian Fuentes *Angels*
Jonathan Papelbon *Red Sox*
Andrew Bailey *A's*
J.P. Howell *Rays*
Bobby Seay *Tigers*
Matt Thornton *White Sox*

Guido's 2009 All Stars NL

By: Guido

Let us remember that the All-Star game shouldn't be a popularity contest. It should contain the best players from each league(according to stats not personal preference) that give each team the best chance of winning the game. Remember, it means something now.

C - Brian McCann *Braves*
1B - Albert Pujols *Cardinals*
2B - Chase Utley *Phillies*
3B,1B - Mark Reynolds *Diamondbacks*
SS - Hanley Ramirez *Marlins*
OF - Ryan Braun *Brewers*
OF - Raúl Ibañez *Phillies*
OF - Jayson Werth *Phillies*

C,1B,3B - Pablo Sandoval *Giants*
C - Bengie Molina *Giants*
1B - Prince Fielder *Brewers*
2B - Brandon Phillips *Reds*
3B - David Wright *Mets*
3B - Ryan Zimmerman *Nationals*
SS - Miguel Tejada *Astros*
SS - Ryan Theriot *Cubs*
OF - Matt Kemp *Dodgers*
OF - Shane Victorino *Phillies*
OF - Justin Upton *Diamondbacks*
OF - Brad Hawpe *Rockies*

Dan Haren *Diamondbacks*
Tim Lincecum *Giants*
Jonathan Broxton *Dodgers*
Javier Vázquez *Braves*
Matt Cain *Giants*
Ryan Franklin *Cardinals*
Heath Bell *Padres*
Rafael Soriano *Braves*
Francisco Rodríguez *Mets*
Jeremy Affeldt *Giants*
Carlos Marmol *Cubs*
John Grabow *Pirates*
Pedro Feliciano *Mets*

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Ron Artest cries for Michael Jackson

by: Guido

Apparently Ron Artest understands controversy but does he understand molestation. I never knew the Michael Jackson was so popular in sports. But this song is just ridiculous. I would label it was Artest just trying to get some publicity.

The Air McNair Affair

by: Guido

First I'd like to start by saying, people die everyday. It just so happens that a lot of semi-famous ones have lately. So what? What makes their lives anymore important than anyone elses?

Secondly, Steve McNair didn't have a girlfriend. He was married. That's not allowed. What Steve was having is called an affair. Oooh that's right. I just said the "A" word ...and so close to the tragedy. What a jerk, right? Get over it. Hell, atleast McNair wasn't molesting children in the offseason.

I can't take away what McNair did on the field. From what I hear, he was as tough as nails. then again, I wasn't in the training room when these injuries were being diagnosed so it could just all be a load of Manny Ramirez bullshit.

By the way, if you're wondering what celebrity is going to die next, my money is on Patrick Swazye. You know, this has got me to thinking...if Magic Johnson has AIDS, then how is he still alive? It's bullshit. Magic might have a few STD's but I bet he doesn't have AIDS. I'm HIV positive he doesn't.

LeBitch James

By: Guido

Lebron James is an idiot. I don't care if he didn't want to congratulate the Orlando Magic on beating the Cavs ass in the playoffs (playoffs? playoffs?!). You see, Lebron was recently dunked on at his "Skills Academy" and apparently this dunk was caught on tape. Being the bitch that he is, Lebron had all evidence of this dunk destroyed.

Dude, most NBA players get dunked on. ALL active white NBA players have been dunked on. Seriously. Ask all 9 of them. It happens. It's part of the game. Lose the fucking ego, Lebron. You're not bigger than basketball, Shawn Kemp is(he's really fat now). So Lebron, grow a fucking pair already.

By the way, Shaq isn't going to make a damn bit of difference in Cleveland. The "Shaq is a beast" ship has sailed. His career has been dead longer than Chris Benoit. The Lakers will repeat as champions by beating the Celtics in 7. Kobe wins MVP and Phil Jackson retires. End of story.