Monday, July 28, 2008

Fantasy Football 2008

Do you have what it takes to win a no-holds-Favred fantasy football league? Well prove then you smart mouth bastards and lady bastards. The first annual Sports Jerks Fantasy Football league is now open for registration. Only 10 spots remain.

league name = Sports Jerks 2008
password = reospeedwagon

I choose reo speedwagon because it's fun and shorter than the following: brettfavreisafuckingdickhole, larussalikesmerlotandmunstercheese, "pleasestickthatneedleinmyass",saidmrbonds; and the always timeless: mr.bensonwillyoupleasestepofftheboat?mrbensonifyoudontgetoff-fuckitgetthebearmace

Join Today!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Q and A segment: A New Feature, Possibly

By: Guido

I notice that a lot of people ask questions on Yahoo! Answers. I sometimes feel the need to break off a piece of knowledge into their asses. So now I will post and answer their sports related questions and show off how truly awesome I am.

DXTRCHN11 asks "If the Chicago Cubs win the World Series this year; which team will become next to end the WS drought?"

A lot of DXTRCHN11's buddies claimed that the Giants or Indians would be next. Yeah right. The Giants are a mess and the Indians just traded CC Sabathia, arguably the best pitcher in all of baseball. Though, I would say the Indians have a better chance than the Giants. My answer is Philly. You never said what classifies as a drought, so I choose the Phillies. They have superb hitting and pitching and will for the next decade. Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins were the last two MVP's and Chase Utley may do it this year.

Justin D Yahoo! Answers Man asks "How much do you want to bet that Mike Hampton does now make is start tomorrow?"

I predict that Hampton will last 5 or 6 innings, a couple runs, and 7 hits. He will be fine. Harvey seems to think that Hampton will "sprain his vagina during warmups". I guess I'm a little more optimistic.

Rednate asks "Why did the fans at the All Star Game boo Papelbon? I thought Yankees fans had more class than that.?

You are an idiot. Next question, please.

(symbols)PIM(symbols) asks "How do you feel about Barbaro being euthanized?"

I don't feel for horses. If barbaro was a dog...I might of shed a tear. He's a fucking horse. He's isn't even a "he", it's an "it". A horse!

Hamthugg asks "Who would be the best fit to lead the Chicago Bears to the Super Bowl Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton or Miley Cyrus?

Simply hilarious. Hilarious! Miley Cyrus? How random. How genius. You just pulled that from left field. Wow, that is sooooo funny. Not only is it a serious question, but Hamthugg has put a funny twist on it. Wow. And wouldn't it be funny if I said Miley Cyrus? Jackass. Rex Grossman will probably start this year, though Orton has a decent shot and I would personally prefer Kyle over Rex. As far as Super Bowl is concerned...I can't say.

Friday, July 25, 2008

What Is and What Should Never Be

By: Guido

The WNBA fight was long overdue. No, it's not going to make me watch a game but, I might -MIGHT- stick around and watch a highlight instead of leaving the room to take a dump. And after watching that one chick (dare I say "Nappy Haired Ho") "punch" Rick Mahorn in the back, it proved that one can still use the phrase "hits like a girl". Seriously, a new Fantasia album would be a bigger hit than that. Rick Mahorn could kill her. He could.

I wish that Peyton Manning had his new surgery in Cordillera, Colorado. I wish he would have stayed at the hotel there. I wish that when he stayed at the hotel in Colorado, a young black hotel employee lady would give him some pleasure. I then would wish that she would contact the police and say that Mr. Manning raped her. Then I would wish that Peyton would make Cooper take the punishment for him. Cooper is such a bitch.

I hope that the recent trade of Jeremey Shockey didn't cause tidal waves around the New Orleans area. We certainly don't deserve to sit through any more ESPN specials on Hurricane Katrina and the Waves/Saints football. If the Florida Marlins are struggling to have fans show up at home games, then maybe they should pray for Hurricane Van Halen. Just think of the damage Hurricane Van Halen would cause. You gonna fuck with Hurricane Van Halen? I didn't thinks so. All those poor Cubans, Latins, and old white people floating around and foraging for food and tv's. This is my plan to save Florida baseball. If Tampa Bay doesn't blow it, that is.

Devin Hester reported to training camp today. I wonder what Cedric Benson is up to...

Did you know that Brad Johnson won a Super Bowl? How fucking crazy is that. I'll tell you one thing, he doesn't deserve it. Not in the least.

How many quarterbacks do they need in Tampa? If Green Bay really wants to make Favre miserable, they should send him to a team with no offensive line. It's the only way to help Packers fans and Favre fans heal. Let's watch him eat grass every Sunday. Hey, remember when Brett let Mike "gap tooffed foo" Strahan sack him. He let him do it. That's no way to EARN a record. They should both be ashamed of themselves.

I heard it through the grapevine.....

By: Harvey

It has come to my attention that there may in fact be a few people who frequently read this Web site. If that is true, we'd love to get some feedback from you...either through blog comments or via email. Our email address is Agree with us, rip us a new one....whatever floats your boat. We'd love to hear from you.

P.S. I have a feeling there might be a Devin Hester rant on the horizon.....

Monday, July 21, 2008

A few randoms

By: Harvey

Once again, it has been awhile since I've graced this blog with my presence. I've had a couple things on my mind, however.

I'm sick of Brett Favre. I'm sick of hearing about his every move. The sad part is, I was starting to like the guy a little before this latest circus began.

When he decides what he wants to do, let's talk about it. Until then, by talking about him every day he is only getting what he wants...attention. It is obvious the man is an attention whore. He's been doing it every offseason lately, hasn't he? I'm done speaking of the guy until I know what he's doing next season. Even then, I'm probably just going to make fun of him.

As promised, I didn't watch a minute of the All-Star Game. I don't feel as if I've missed anything.

I was eating dinner last night and one of the restaurant's televisions was tuned into ESPN. The sound was turned down, but I noticed the ESPY awards were showing. Not sure if it was live or a so much of what they show on ESPN, I just don't care. Now that they show Around the Horn and PTI on ESPNews, that's about the only ESPN I need.

Anyway, I noticed Chris Berman on stage at this award show. Made me really glad the sound was turned down. Sadly, the stage didn't collapse on him and no heavy lights fell on his balding, irritating head. Damn it.

I'm probably also glad I couldn't hear Justin Timberlake. Just a hunch.

Last thing before I go....Jason Isringhausen must have pictures of Tony La Russa drunkenly raping an innocent barnyard animal. Or something that would cause similar embarrassment. I just can't see any other reason for Mr. Shit-Faced-And-Asleep-At-The-Wheel-While-Sitting-At-A-Stop-Light to keep trotting Izzy out there.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Spectacle to Behold: Why I Hated This Years All-Star "Game"

By: Guido

There was enough pageantry to rival the Super Bowl and we didn't even get to see Sheryl Crow's nipple. I understand that this is Yankee Stadium and they've got all the shrines and memories and even that fancy graveyard out there in the center field are but why did Fox and MLB have to make it so, I don't know, gay?

Why do we have to parade out all these old guys who can hardly walk let alone string together a few intelligent words to form a sentence. Did you hear Ernie Banks pregame speech? "You have to win this game. The National league will be watching. I will be watching. The world will be watching. Everyone will be seeing this. The-a-the world will be watching this." Let me tell you something. All those HOFer's out there, they won't be watching. Why? Because it's late and they need to take there meds and go to sleep.

These guys were greats of the game and we don't give to squirts of piss about them...unless we are at Yankee Stadium. Fuck Yankee Stadium and Fuck New York. It's not about baseball there. It's about hatred and anger and stepping on someones face just to be number one. New York is for blowhards and assholes. But, hey, since it's New York and Yankee Stadium and Times Square and Hot Dogs and Non-English Speaking Cab Drivers and all that other bullshit, we got to roll out the red carpet and make this big production so all the casual baseball fans and, as Ernie Banks mentioned, the world can watch and say "Hey, New York is just like it is in the movies! Let's go there an get spit on while eating a hot dog in Times Square next to some naked cowboy playing guitar outside of MTV studios. Hooray America!"

45 minutes were wasted because of that. That's why the game ended so late. Fox and MLB wasted 45 minutes with that crap. You know, they almost wasted as much time as EliteXC did with their shitty-ass fights on CBS a couple months ago. They only thing they have was a bunch of hoochies in booty shorts dancing to Sexyback.

And, did anyone notice that they only fans that bought tickets to the game were Yankees' fans? I sure did. They only reason they bought tickets was to boo half of their AL team and cheer for the two Yankees that deserved to be there and the one who didn't. But it's the last All-Star game at Yankee Stadium and what would it be without Derek Jeter starting and George Steinbrenner's decrepit ass being drivin out on a golf cart so he could hand-HAND-the ball to the four-four-guys that are throwing out the first pitch.

And this really makes no sense what-so-ever. Four people cannot throw out the first pitch. Whoever throws first gets that credit the other guys are just throwing. What the Hell is going on here? Only in New York. Even the Greatest Fans In Baseball(tm) wouldn't do that. Cocky and arrogant they may be, but STL fan's have much more traditionalist views on baseball. Four people. Mind blowing.

What in the blue Hell was going on in Terry Francona's mind? I'm sorry but if they whole point of the All-Star game is to win(since it means something now), then why are you giving everybody a chance to play? this isn't Little League. Players won't be crying and parents won't be ripping you a new ass after them game. They got paid. Why do they give a crap if they play or not? Even though this is a football quote from Jim Mora, I think he summed it up well when he said "You play to win the game". I don't think adding pitchers to the game next year will solve the problem. I think there are already too many "All-Stars" each year, some deserving and others not so much. It would just make more since to have your starters go more than an inning at a time. Carlos Zambrano could pitch the whole damn game and then start on four days rest. Mark Mulder could do that in his dreams...five years ago.

And then after 10pm Fox began to air Viagra commercials. Look, anybody who needs viagra has went to bed an hour ago. They only people who are watching are people like me who are sitting there wondering how long their erection would last since they have a perfectly functioning penis and circulatroy system. We want to try it just to try it. Then you have the Flomaxx comercials and again, anyone who needs that is in bed already and that's it.

I think it would be appropriate to end on a low note. Joe Buck makes me sick, though he is a rung higher than Chris Berman. Can we please have someone other than Joe Buck? Just once? He isn't even that good. He tries to make everything a montage soundbite. He's a kiss ass. You know what? Fuck Joe Buck. Fuck the All Star game. I say no more. Let's bury the Game with Yankee Stadium. And, if not, let's let the players vote on the participants and hold the game in Hawaii after the World Series.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Guido's HR Derby Picks and more (shit)!

Four players advance in the first round. The four who don't advance: Longoria, Sizemore, Morneau, Utley.
Semis out: Berkman, Uggla
Runner-up: Hamilton
Champion: Ryan Braun

First Half Awards
NL Rookie: Geo Soto
AL Rookie: Evan Longoria
NL Manager: Tony La Russa
AL Manager: Joe Maddon
NL Most Improved Player: Kyle Lohse
AL Most Improved Player: Josh Hamilton
NL Cy Young: Tim Lincecum
AL Cy Young: Cliff Lee
NL MVP: Lance Berkman
AL MVP: Josh Hamilton
NL Sports Jerk: Marty Brennaman
AL Sports Jerk: Ozzie Guillen
NL Flop: Andruw Jones
AL Flop: Tori Hunter
NL Funniest Moment: Mark Mulder's Shoulder
AL Funniest Moment: Milton Bradley's Rampage

Friday, July 11, 2008

Ted Lilly Wants You to Have a Skull Cracking Good Time...Just Don't Die

By: Guido

You see, when Ted Lilly was batting in Thursday's game he hit a foul ball that just so happened to hit a 7-year-old boy in the head. This was the first game that the kid had ever been to and, courtesy of Ted Lilly, he got a fractured skull. Jesus, Ted, why don't you just run up and smash his ice cream cone in his face while your at it.

What a memory for the fella. He will probably have a fear of baseball now. He will end up being the worst ballplayer on his little league team. The kid will probably never get over his fear of objects flying at his face. Thanks a lot Ted. Hey, why your at it maybe you should slam your glove on the ground a few times. If only you were of Latin heritage. Then all this would seem normal, except for the foul ball almost killing a kid thing. That's a little to American to blame on a fiery Latin temper.
"So What was your favorite memory of Wrigley Field?"
"When I was distracted by the two drunk girls. One was wearing a Matt Murton jersey and the other, a real foxy blond, in a tank top. Boy oh boy were her boobies ever popping out of that top. And wouldn't you know, just as I began to enjoy it, I blacked out. Turns out some ass clown by the name of Lilly hit me with a foul ball. Damn near killed me. Wish it would have because we still haven't won a championship. Oh, by the way I'm being sarcastic...except for the dead part."

Thank God this kid is gonna make it after being in serious condition all friggin day. Len Kasper was so kind as to send out an apology during today's Giants/Cubs game. Though, now that he's doing better we can all breath a sigh of relief. Who the hell wants to wear a damn batting helmet in the stands. "Holy shit, Mark Mulder is swingin on deck. Everybody put your helmets on. Wait-no-his arm fell off. Yeah, nevermind. Bo Hart is gonna pitch-hit. What? Whaddaya mean Bo Hart fell off the face of the earth? Who the fuck is Skip Schumacher? What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Is anybody listening to me?"

See what I mean. Besides, in a couple days this whole situation wont be anything more than a few autographed bats and jerseys can't cure.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Harvey's All-Star Picks (are non-existant)

By: Harvey

I've already made my distaste for the MLB All-Star game quite clear in an earlier entry, but when Guido said we should post our own All-Star picks...I thought it was interesting.

After a couple days' worth of mulling it over, I've come back to my original position of not giving a shit.

Guido did a fine job with his selections, although I think his omission of Albert Pujols is thinly-disguised Cardinal hatred and nothing more. I also have to say the voters got it waaaaay wrong by leaving Pat Burrell out. Too damn many Cubs and Red Sox for my taste. Especially Red Sox players who aren't even within sniffing distance of the best players in the league.

Everything about the All-Star game just sucks and I can't possibly find it interesting. If I could be somehow ensured that the 65 best players in the league based solely on this year's performance were going to be involved, maybe it would strike my fancy. With the dumbass fans getting to vote and the other selections apparently being based on the same type of inter-MLB popularity'll never even be close to that. Fine. I'll just take the girlfriend out for dinner, go back to her place and watch whatever bullshit they're showing on VH1 until I fall asleep.

By the way, this all goes for the Home Run Derby, too. Truthfully, I find it more interesting than the All-Star Game itself, but ESPN has to ruin it with that loudmouthed gasbag Chris Berman and his stale, dried-up, un-entertaining style of broadcast. The man was unique in 1980 or whenever he got his big break with he is a joke and doesn't belong on the air.

Hopefully you've all had your fill of negativity for the day. Let me know when this is all over so I can enjoy the rest of the season.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

An All-Star Idea

By: Guido

An All-Star Game in New York is about as appealing as a throbbing cock in my assholes. Maybe you like, but I don't. Maybe Madonna like?

One way ESPN could make the commercials for the Home Run Derby better would be to have James Earl Jones do the read rather than whatever unknown moron that is doing it now.

Also, I think the city of NY should have already had the new stadium built prior to this season. That way when the All-Star game is over, they can just blow Yankee Stadium up and be rid of that hatred filled hell hole forever.

Maybe, before the game, Madonna can perform a special tribute to the fan-voted All-Stars and then Lenny Kravitz can come out and pull her tit out for all to see(if anyone is watching).

Why don't we just have another All-Star team but instead of decent players and aging sluggers, we play the worst players in the leauge. Or, even better, we make a team that consists of all the best free agents and let them play in front of a national audience. Think of the storylines there. Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds. Joe Borowski and Ryan Bullington. Wow! What possibilities!

How about a Brawl For All between the Rays and Yankees. Just let them slug it out. Keep and eye on that Johnny Gnomes fella. He's clinically insane. Winner fights the Red Sox.

Let's just stick with blowing up Yankee Stadium. Yankee fans are so stupid that we could probably sell them tickets to go inside and watch. It would be worth it. Taco Bell could sponsor it. If 5,000 Yankee fans die then America gets a free taco. 10,000 gets you a crunchwrap supreme. Its a win-win situation.

Guido's All-Star Selections

Let's start with the American League.
Starter followed by backups
C. Joe Mauer with Dioner Navarro and A.J. Pierzynski
1B. Justin Morneau with Kevin Youkilis
2B. Ian Kinsler with Brian Roberts and Dustin Pedroia
3B. A-Rod with Aubry Huff
SS. Michael Young with Orlando Cabrera and Carlos Guillen
OF1. Josh Hamilton with Jacoby Ellsbury and Carl Crawford
OF2. Carlos Quentin with Manny Ramirez
OF3. Grady Sizemore with Nick Markakis
DH. Milton Bradley with Jermaine Dye
SP. Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, Justin Duchscherer, Ervin Santana,
Joe Saunders, Gavin Floyd
RP. Mariano Rivera, Jonathan Papelbon, Joakim Soria, Joe Nathan, Francisco Rodriguez

National League
C. Russell Martin with Brian McCann and Geovany Soto
1B. Lance Berkman with Derrek Lee and Adrian Gonzalez
2B. Chase Utley with Dan Uggla
3B. Chipper Jones with Aramis Ramirez and David Wright
SS. Hanley Ramirez with Jose Reyes
OF1. Matt Holliday with Corey Hart and Ryan Ludwick
OF2. Carlos Lee with Pat Burrell
OF3. Ryan Braun with Nate McLouth
SP. Dan Haren, Cole Hamels, Edison Volquez, Tim Lincecum, Ben Sheets,
Brandon Webb, Ryan Dempster
RP. Kerry Wood, Brad Lidge, Hong-Chih Kuo, Jon Rauch, Heath Bell

This, of course, if the All-Star game was for the most deserving players for the first half of the season. If it was for the most popular players then you might see Alfonso Soriano, Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder, Zambrano and Albert Pujols on my NL list. Same with the AL. No Jeter, Vlad, Ichiro, David Ortiz or J.D. Drew. I choose the players that I thought had the best stats combined with a high number at-bats(none of those low AB's due to injury on my team thank you very much).

Plus my teams include Pat Burrell, Corey Hart, David Wright, Carlos Lee, Brian Roberts and Jermaine Dye (sorry Longoria, Guillen, and Rowand). These players are featured in the "Final Two All-Stars Vote". They should be on the real team but it's too late now. The fans have voted.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Nobody's Fault But Mine

By: Guido

Not that it means anything now, but the A-Rod divorce from (insert wife's name) may have implications on this season. It just may take a couple months.

First, let me just congratulate the wife from- oh, her name is Cynthia...ok...thanks- He was probably a pompous ass anyways. Plus, with all the Madonna and Lenny Kravitz bs going on, it's hard to get names.

So lets say Cynthia is seen canoodling around the St. Petersburg area with Johnny Gomes. Wow, right? Or maybe the tabloids catch her rubbing her face on Jason Giambi's purrrrrrfect mustache? Or even better, she gets caught stroking Manny Ramirez' enormous wiener/ego? Just Manny being Manny. How would all that effect A-Rod in late September?

Sure, by then he may have himself a Material Girl, but that's not a reason to diminish and Ray of Light. Maybe Kabbalahalahballaballa is exactly what A-Rod needs in his life. I seriously doubt that the 50yr old Madonna is still Like a Virgin but that doesnt mean she isn't an Angel, right?
Papa Don't Preach but he did say that Love Makes the World Go Round and I hope I Live to Tell that to my kids. It's Like a Prayer has been answered for Red Sox fans.

On the flip side, Lenny Kravitz isn't exactly a prize either. He has a couple good songs but......

Who cares? Besides, everyone knows that David Justice and Halle Berry rule.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Tony La Loudmouth

By: Harvey

Tony La Russa is an absoultey fantastic manager. Outside of Bobby Cox, there may not be a better one out there.

That doesn't mean the St. Louis Cardinals' manager doesn't have some serious personality flaws, however.

Socially, TLR is kind of a bonehead. I'm not going to get into how he got a little too drinky that one time in spring training, but just listening to his quotes in the media leads me to believe the old fella could use a semester in charm school.

The latest example has reared its ugly head over the weekend as the Cardinals have hosted the Chicago Cubs. While this combo always inspires national writers to dredge up some non-story to spice up what really is actually a pretty luke-warm rivalry on the actual field of play, it has been particularly annoying as Jimmy "Hot Dog" Edmonds has made his return to Busch Stadium to play in front of the "Greatest Fans in Baseball (TM)" (snicker) in a ghastly Cubs uniform.

Edmonds has been imploring Chicago sportswriters and other personalities for weeks to please quit talking about how he used to be a Cardinal. He says it shouldn't matter now, because he's a Cub. Wow. Amazingly deep, isn't it? Edmonds also says he is happy to be a Cub now. Why wouldn't he be? The Cubs are good, and he is contributing in a way most fans probably didn't expect him to.

Now, while I poke fun at this...I also agree wholeheartedly with Edmonds. His job as a ballplayer is to be a part of the team that is signing his paychecks. That team is no longer the Cardinals.

Apparently, somebody forget to send that memo to La Russa.

“I think we ought to follow his lead,” La Russa said. “His quote was roughly, within a couple of words, ‘I’ve had enough of people asking me about the Cardinals. I’m a Cub now.’ So I would treat him like he never played here. I would wait until the end of his career and I would remember he was a Cardinal. I would ignore the fact that he was ever here because that’s what he wants. I would honor his request. Forget the Cardinal days until his career his over.”

The problem isn't so much what Tony said, but it is more about the way he said it. Tony said these things because he was mad at Edmonds for wanting to put his Cardinals days behind him, at least for as long as he's still playing in the league.

The nerve of this Edmonds character, huh? How could he?

Honestly, Tony. Maybe you should've just danced around this line of questioning like you do every single stinking time a reporter ever asks you any sort of question about what happened during an actual game. Your press conferences are beyond might as well say "no comment" to every question instead of taking the time to even bother with the lousy canned answers you constantly spew.

The one time you should just keep your mouth shut, and suddenly it's like somebody pulled your chain and the damn thing got stuck. You just kept on going "blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah".

I mean, come on. You've got me sticking up for Pretty Boy Jim Edmonds. Something definitely isn't right with that picture.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Do You Remember???

By: Guido

Sure Barry Bonds returning to the Pittsburgh Pirates has as much appeal as another Phil Collins Live album but, c'mon man.

It's not like Barry or the Pirates have a whole lot going on. Besides, alot of organizations like to bring back fan favorites that have gone on to play elsewhere. Ok, so maybe Barry isn't a fan favorite, but hey, he is his own biggest fan! That has to count for something, right?

The Cubs did it with Greg Maddux. The Braves did it with Tom Glavine. The Magic did it with Anfernee Hardaway. The Warriors did it with Chris Webber.

Hell, look at professional wrestling. One year a guy is grappling for WWF, then WCW, then back to WWF, then to ECW, then he has some drug problems, then goes back to WCW, then back to WWF when WWF buys WCW, then he goes to TNA and then finally he ends up either dead or in a mental hospital for steroid addiction, painkiller addiction, alcohol abuse and erectile dysfunction. Then he goes on to have a successful reality tv show or he goes back to WWE/WCW/ECW(formally WWF). Sweet deal!

And guess what happens after that? The fans love him because of all he's been through.

So, here's the plan I think Barry should use. Listen up Barry!
1. Find an addiction. It doesn't matter what it is (drugs, porn, steroids, internet porn, McDonalds, inter-racial steroids porn...), there will be someone who can relate to what you are going through.
2. Get out of shape but not too out of shape. Make sure to have a work out plan already thought out so you can get buff quickly.
3. Have pictures taken of yourself in drag. Make sure to wear sunglasses and a blonde wig. You want people to think you are crazy, remember?
4. Kill your wife/ex-wife/mistress, whatever you want to call her. Make sure that you can't get be found guilty. Also, the trial should drag out for a year or two. There is no such thing as bad publicity. Be your own publicist.
4.1 If #4 is too extreme then go with this route. Get a DUI after leaving your club. Don't forget to fire your gun a few times and plant your seed in a few women.
5. Contact VH1 and convince them that your life is a can't miss reality show. This should be pretty easy to do since you are badass at convincing the public.
6. Now sit back and wait. As long as America is watching you get in playing shape every week you should have a jod in no time. Make sure to engage in some practical hijinks every so often. It doesn't hurt to drop $40,000 at a casino. Just make sure you are in the news and that new contract worth millions of dollars will be yours in no time at all.
7. Totally suck ass for your new team. You are already getting paid. The fans can't boo you, not after all you've been through.

Now how easy was that?

The Watch List 2.0: Geo Soto

By: Guido

Let me just make it clear and simple as to why Cubs catcher Geovany Soto is on my Watch List.

As a rookie, Rafael Palmeiro hit 14 dingers with the Cubs back in 1987. That set the club record for rookie homers in a season. Now, what was it that Rafael tested positive for a couple years ago? Oh yeah, now I remember.

Well, in Friday's game against the Redbirds, Soto hit is 14th homer run and it's only July. I'm just sayin'. Either Soto is a beast and is going to be one of the best hitting catchers of all time or he is juicing. Just to be on the saem side, I'm betting that he gets injured in a couple years and never realizes his full potential. Of course, this is going to happen after he signs a big contract with the Cubbies. It will then be so hard to move him that only the Pirates will want him. Yes, I am sure the Pirates will still suck ass in a couple years.

Edmonds Returns, Then K's Thrice; Big Z Gets W

By: Guido

It's finally over. The Jim Edmonds pre-game discussions, montages and interviews are over. On Friday night, Edmonds didn't give Cardinals fans anything to boo about. On the other hand, he didn't give Cubs fans anything to cheer about.

In his "dramatic" return to St. Louis, Edmonds went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts. Nothing special there. He pretty much did the same thing with STL the past couple seasons. So, really, Cardinals fans should be pretty pumped because they got to see him perform at the top of his game. The uniform and the team changed but Edmonds batted just like he always has at new Busch.

I think it's safe to say the Carlos Zambrano is public enemy number one for Cards fans. Big Z dominated tonight in STL giving up one run on four hits. Apparently the "best fans in baseball" would rather boo the other teams players than cheer their own. But what do I know? Maybe they dislike the product their organization is putting on the field. Can't say that I blame them, but I do think the Cardinals are lucky that they're playing as well as they have been.

The fact that Kyle Loshe and Todd Wellemeyer have winning records blows my mind. Now if they could only get Matt Clement, Mark Mulder and Chris Carpenter healthy, they might start to kick some ass. It will probably backfire when they do get a couple of these fellas in the rotation. Just wait and see.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Matt Serra: New York Idiot

By: Guido

“We don’t like each other. We don’t like each other at all,” Matt Serra said. “I can’t wait for the camp for it. I can’t wait for that fight. That’s something I’m going to put my heart and soul into.”

This is a quote by former UFC Welterwight champ Matt Serra as told to

I'm having trouble understanding the last sentence. "That's something I'm going to put my heart and sould into." Matt is describing his feelings about training for his upcoming showdown with UFC legend Matt Hughes. Both fighters have a strong dislike for each other and that's putting it lightly.

But for Serra to say that he will put his "heart and soul" into traing is ridiculous. That's like Ryan Dempster saying he was going to work his butt off in the offseason to contend in the Cubs starting rotation. That's what your supposed to do. You should always do your best in whatever profession you are in and yet these guys admit that maybe they don't.

It shows when it comes to Matt Serra. His official MMA record is at 9 wins and 5 losses. If Matt really wants to be considered at the top of the welterweight division then he may want to look to train for every fight as if he's facing Matt Hughes. Untill then we can consider his one year title reign(in which he didn't fight at all) a fluke.

Did I mention he is from Long Island. Again with the New York thing. That's one reason he is an idiot.