Tuesday, November 18, 2008

No Love For Titans

By: Guido

The Tennessee Titans will not go undefeated through the regular season. It will not happen. They have a really easy schedule for the next four weeks but then they play the Steelers at home and then they close out the season in Indianapolis.

I know we've seen this model before in the Ravens and Bucs. I'm telling you right now, the Titans will not make the Super Bowl. They won't even make the AFC title game. Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake will be there before Kerry Collins and the Titans. Hell, Bootsy Collins even!

The Titans will win go undefeated and win the Super Bowl when Michael Vick officially changes his name to Ron Mexico and opens an animal shelter.

Most Valuable P's

By: Guido

There were many fine choices for mvp in each league this season. Pujols was consistant the whole season even though the Cards finished fourth in the NL central. The only argument I can make for the NL mvp would be Ryan Howard and this is because Howard lead his team to a World Series title. But let us not forget Derrek Lee in 2005. Lee had the best statistical season a baseball player could have. Lee set career highs in almost every stat and contended for the triple crown for most of the season. When Pujols won the mvp that season over Lee, the sports media claimed it was because the Cubs finished fourth and the Cards finished first.

Dustin Pedroia won the AL mvp today. Pedroia beat out Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer, both of the Twins. Pedroia is a hard-nosed player and went under the radar in most markets. I'm fine with the selection in the AL.

In the end, we should all thank our lucky stars that the AL MVP wasn't from the Yankees or those bastard Tampa Bay Rays.

2009 AL MVP: Josh Hamilton
2009 NL MVP: Geovany Soto

Place your bets now!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Pat Yourself on the Back, God.


After Brock Lesnar's disappointing win(in my eyes) against Randy Couture, he thank his heavenly father in the sky. Brock pointed to the sky, at God(or Vince McMahon) and said "God bless you".

This is a new one to me. I have yet to hear a professional athlete tell God to bless himself. Does he really need to? I mean, isn't God already asking his followers to praise him daily? Maybe that stems from low self-esteem but what do I know. I would never ask for praise if I didn't deserve it. And now they want him to bless himself?

By the way, UFC showed the new 50 Cent video tonight. 50 Cent!?!? Let the selling out begin...

Confessions of a New MMA Fan

By: Harvey

Tonight was my first time viewing a UFC pay-per-view. I still don't think it's my thing, but I did find it compelling.

I have my doubts about the sport when a guy can win the heavyweight belt in his fourth career UFC fight. Despite total ignorance to the sport, however, I would imagine Brock Lesnar is no average newcomer.

The guy is a beast. His arms are bigger than his legs. Lesnar is an odd-looking chap, but he sure is a bad mother fucker. Plus, he's married to Sable. She's not as hot as she used to be...but it's still an enviable position.

I've had too many beers to have much else to say, but I'm sure Guido will cover the many areas I have missed.

Brock Lesnar is a Big, Bad Bastard.


Well, shit shit shit. Brock Lesnar is the new UFC heavyweight champion. Lesnar threw a right hand that caught Randy Couture's left temple and dropped him like a sack of human excrement. After that, Brock landed between twenty or thirty hammer fists to Couture's face and that was all she wrote.

Lesnar clearly won round one. He had two take downs and controlled Randy from the half-guard. Lesnar landed a couple of solid left hands from the guard and half-guard. However, Randy was able to work his way back to his feet and land a few solid right hands to the head of Lesnar.

Lesnar immediately went for a take down in round two but was unable to bring Randy to the mat. Two minutes into the round Lesnar landed an elbow to the face of Couture that damn near ended the fight. Randy was able to keep his wits about him and Lesnar got him in the clinch again. The clinch gave Randy plenty of time to recover and he broke out of the clinch and circled back to the center of the ring. That's when Lesnar caught him and dropped him.

I kept waiting for Kurt Angle or Stone Cold to enter the octagon and nail Lesnar with a chair. For once, this outcome I would prefer.

Brock Lesnar is a fucking beast. I can't imagine anyone beating this guy in the near future. This proves Frank Mir's victory over Lesnar last February to be a fluke.

Fuck. That is all.


By: Guido

Tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Oooooh. Ooooooh.

Randy Couture and Brock Lesnar face off for the UFC heavyweight title tonight at UFC 91. Its going to be bad ass. Its hard to say how the fight will turn out. I would like to see Couture win but Lesnar is such a big SOB that it may end up not being much of a fight. Either way, the UFC should break ppv buy numbers.

I agree with Harvey. If I had to choose between pro basketball and college, I'd take college any day of the week. However, I find neither to be much more exciting or arousing than watching two bull dykes in a sideways sloppy joe eating contest.

I went to an Illini hockey game last night... Let me just say, I had hockey all wrong. It is by far the most exciting sport to watch live. Not to mention the Illini are the defending National Champions and a bunch of bad ass mother fuckers. After every Illini goal, the fans would chant "It's all your fault" at the other teams goalie. Then they would chant "you suck" at the other teams players. If you have yet to attend an Illini hockey game, then get off your ass and go.

After Bad Rex starred in last weeks game, which did not feature a cameo from Good Rex or Sexy Rexy, Lovie has decided to start Orton. I know that this is an important game against a division rival but I just hope Orton isn't being rushed back.
Bears 48 Packers 30

And finally gang, it seems that the Yankees are ready to continue throwing around big wads of cash to buy the best players yet again. But will it be enough to dethrone the Rays? I doubt it. They may be able to buy the best players, but they can't buy the best team players. I predict Tampa to repeat in the AL East.

I am also predicting that by next season trading deadline you will see Matt Holliday in a St. Louis Cardinals jersey. I also predict that when the Yankees overpay for CC Sabathia, then teams will overpay for Kerry Wood and Ryan Dempster. At least we know the Cubs will only make that mistake with one of those guys.

Friday, November 7, 2008


By: Harvey

I'm not one of these jackoffs that claims to dislike the NBA because the league is full of "thugs" and "punks"...which is lame white man code for "negroes", by the way. If the league was 90 percent white, these guys wouldn't be saying that horseshit. Of course, if the league was 90 percent white, it wouldn't be worth a shit, either.

That doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy the league, because I certainly don't. Don't ask me to explain it, but if there is college and pro basketball being televised at the same time...I'm gonna go with the college game every time.

I don't know exactly what it is about college basketball that gets a hold of me the way pro ball can't. One of those unexplainable things in the universe, I guess. Right up there with Stonehenge and Michael Jackson.

I also see that Mark Cuban has essentially been ruled out as a possible buyer of the Chicago Cubs. I know there are a lot of Cubs fans who wanted this, because the guy has proven in Dallas that he will spend whatever it takes to get the guys he wants.

That's all well and good, but where the hell has it ever gotten the Mavericks? Cubs fans want to end this whole 100-year thing, right? Plus, it's not as if being outspent is much of a problem for the Scrubby Bears. They have the seventh-highest payroll in baseball, after all. Over 118 million smackers in play this last year.

Mark Cuban may have all the money in the world, but you can't pay off a curse. Curses just don't give a damn about your money. They say fuck your money! They say fuck you! Muahhahahahahaha!!!

Seriously, though. This is no surprise. Baseball owners are a good ol' boys club, and they don't want a notorious jag-bag like Mark Cuban hurting their pristine image. These are the same guys who turned a blind eye to steroids and charge a family of four something like $2000 to come watch a game from 17 rows up in the left field bleachers, after all. They have standards.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Had A Dream Or Two


I have many dreams a night. Some of them very erotic and sexy if you know what I mean. Others are just downright disturbing and gay. Although I've never dreamed about taking it in the pooper, I have unwillingly experimented in a dream. But that's another story...

A few nights ago I dreamed that the Cubs were in the World Series against the Rays. I was at Wrigley and really enjoying the game. Wood was pitching in the bottom of the ninth and had two outs with an 0-2 count on the un-named batter. Everyone was going crazy. Next pitch. 1-2. Check swing, did he go? Replay said yes, umpire said no. 2-2. Foul ball. 2-2. 3-2. Another check, batter held up. Walk.

Man on with two outs. I am now in the left field bleachers. Which ended up being the perfect seat to catch a two-run homer from some guy in a Rays jersey. That's right. I caught the ball. Oh yeah, by the way, the Cubs lost. Obviously.

I don't recall if i had this next dream the same night but it doesn't matter.

In this dream I was working for some sports/news type program as a reporter. My assignment was to find former Phillies ace Cole Hamels and convince him to enter a drug rehab program. It ended up being no trouble at all finding him. Hamels apartment was dark, smelly, and depressing. Not much different than Philly. I watched Cole shoot up an unknown substance and then smile. A few teeth were missing and the others were scummy and black. Cole took a swig of warm beer and said he didn't need rehab. "I'm a world series mvp. You ain't got nuthin' on me", said Hamels. Then Bob Ley or whatever his name is thanked me for the report.

That is all.