Monday, April 26, 2010

Tito Ortiz Arrested

By: Guido

Apparently Tito Ortiz was arrested for domestic violence. His wife is porno "sensation" Jenna Jameson and she plans to press charges. Tito is a coach on this season's Ultimate Fighter and was schedualed to fight Chuck Liddell at UFC 115 until he had to pull out do to an injury that won't be revealed until later in the season of Ultimate Fighter.

MLB News and Notes

By: Guido

Looking at both league's standings, the NL looks more balanced then the AL. The worst team in the NL are the Pirates, who stand at 7-11. The Phillies, Padres and Cards are all tops in the NL at 11-7. Nobody looks overly impressive and it may be a highly competitive season. So far it's still anyones race

The AL's worst team is Baltimore at 3-16. The best team is Tampa at 14-5. The Twins and Athletics are leading their division as well wich both come as surprises. I didn't expect the Twins pen to hold up with out Joe Nathan. And I don't expect the A's to win the west but it's not something I'm rooting against.

Dallas Braden is one of my top guys right now after he ripped into that piece of shit A-Rod. It's sad that Yankee fan's still defend A-Roid. I still like Sosa, but not like I did before all the roid accusations and the corked bat. Anyway, apparently it's an unwritten rule in baseball that you don't run over the pitcher's mound, which is what A-Fraud did. However, since it's unwritten, then it's not really a rule or so say fans of the Yanks. OK then. So why do the Yankee's and their fans keep saying that Dallas Braden doesn't have enough MLB service time to speak his mind to A-Rod. Is that an unwritten rule too? That if you haven't proven yourself, then you can't speak your mind? What about a rule that if you are a piece of shit cheater and you've admitted to it and the lab results prove it, then your glove and all your records and magazine covers and endorsements and TMZ bullshit and get the fuck out of baseball.

Next to Barry Bonds, A-Fraud has got to be the most selfish and untrustworthy player in the history of the game. If that guy was on my team, do you think I'd try and defend him?

Bears Sign Undrafted Free Agents

Bowling Green receiver Freddie Barnes, Michigan receiver Greg Mathews and running back Brandon Minor, Indiana linebacker Matt Mayberry, Ohio State defensive end Lawrence Wilson, UTEP cornerback Cornelius Brown, Montana offensive tackle Levi Horn, Nicholls State wide receiver Antonio Robinson, Texas A&M-Kingsville defensive tackle Jimmy Saddler-McQueen, Northern Iowa safety Quentin Scott, Nebraska defensive end Barry Turner and Colorado State center Tim Walter

Bears Draft Picks

Round 3 75th pick
Major Wright
S Florida
5-11 206

Round 4 109th pick
Corey Wootton
DE Northwestern
6-6 270

Round 5 141st pick
Josh Moore
CB Kansas St.
5-11 188

Round 6 181st pick
Dan LeFevour
QB Central Michigan
6-3 230

Round 7 218th pick
J'Marcus Webb
T West Texas A&M
6-8 335

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Big Z Set Up

By: Guido

I found this out last night and was gonna post about it but I wanted to wait until I got all the info. However, nothing has really been said yet.

Carlos Zambrano is now going to be working out of the bullpen. Why? Because Lou Piniella and Jim Hendry know their relievers suck dong. I told you the bullpen was going to be terrible. Zambrano said:

“I understand the situation. I understand that we need a little, little help in the bullpen. Look, we already lost three or four games in the eighth inning or in relief.”

At least Zambrano is upbeat about the situation. So with Ted Lilly set to return, the Cubs rotation will consist of Lilly, Ryan Dempster, Carlos Silva, Randy Wells and Tom Gorzelanny. Silva is doing too good for Lou to want to move him and apparently doesn't trust Gorz out of the pen.

I don't agree with this move at all. Lou says it's just temporary as the Cubs try to acquire a set-up man. So, their thinking is, "Wow! What a 1-2 punch to end a game! Zambrano and then Marmol". Dempster has pitched in relief. Have him do it.

Check this out:

Carlos Zambrano: 1570.2 innings, 106-70, 9 CGs, 3.56 ERA, 1.30 WHIP.
Josh Beckett: 1426.2 innings, 107-68, 9 CGs, 3.82 ERA, 1.22 WHIP.
Johan Santana: 1727.2 innings, 123-61, 9 CGs, 3.12 ERA, 1.11 WHIP.
Jake Peavy: 1380.2 innings, 95-68, 7 CGs, 3.30 ERA, 1.19 WHIP.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Big Ben Suspended

By: Guido

The NFL has suspended Roethlisberger 4-6 games with it possibly to be reduced if certain conditions are met. I don't know why they, the NFL, can't just come out and say, "Hey, Ben is suspended this many games". Why does it have to be a secret? We're gonna find out eventually so fucking tell us.

However, the suspension will occur because the Steelers have just traded a 7th round pick to Tampa in exchange for Byron Leftwich. Leftwich was Roethlisberger's back-up during the 2008 Steelers super bowl season.

Maybe a character test is in order for future NFL'ers.

Monday, April 19, 2010

2 Week Awards

by: Guido

It's not time to panic yet for Cubs fans, though Cardinals fans are already starting with the wait til next year shit. Very original. Neither team has been overly impressive yet. As expected, the Cubs bullpen is subpar and Soriano is playing like that water head that your little league coach would throw out there in right in the last couple innings. And, like I figured, the Cards offense hasn't been anything special. They really need to get a bigger bat at short or third. Maybe they could take the Cubs place in the annual Cubs/Pirates trade. So, after two weeks of play, here are the award winners.

MVP's: Vernon Wells and Matt Kemp
I don't belive in the old rule that your team has to make the playoffs in order for you to win MVP. That's a pile of horse shit. So Matt Kemp takes it in the NL. The Dodgers haven't been great but they are at .500. Without Kemp's numbers, they would be a lot worse. Vernon is the reason the Blue Jays have a winning record right now. Not only that but Vernon has found power this season and 6 dingers. In the end, probably gonna be Pujols and someone from the AL east.

Cy Young: Tim Lincecum and Matt Garza
This could just as easily be Wainwright instead of Lincecum. They are egual on everything this season, just Lincecum edged Wainright on era 0.90 to 1.50. Garza has been dominate so far notching 3 wins and a 0.75 era. AL could go to any number of guys while the NL will come down to Lincecum, Wainright, Hallady, Carpenter and the dark horse, Tommy Hanson.

Surprise teams: Pirates, Athletics, Red Sox
It's just a matter of time before this all goes back to normal. The A's and Pirates will fall back and the Red Sox will start winning. Howere, if it stays this way then fine by me.

Prince Fielder - 0 hr, 3 rbi, .244
Grady Sizemore - 0 hr, .231
Victor Martinez - 1 hr, 4 rbi, .224
Jose Reyes - 1 sb, .154
Aramis Ramirez - 8 hits, .170
and also: Nate McClouth, Carlos Lee, Chris Coughlan
Zack Greinke - no wins, 3.57
Yovani Gallardo no wins, 5.50
Justin Verlander - no wins, 6.88
Jon Lester - no wins, 8.44 era

Not Surprising
Wandy Rodriguez - no wins, 17.1 IP, 7 k's, 4.67
Tim Lincecum - 3 wins, 20 IP, 24 k's, 0.90
Roy Halladay - 3 wins, 24 IP, 21 k's, 1.12
Carlos Silva - 1 win, 13 IP, 8 k's, 0.69
Albert Pujols - 5 hr, 15 rbi, .327
Ryan Braun - 3 hr, 12 rbi, .367
Martin Prado - 10 runs, .426
Miguel Montero - 6/12, .500 (DL, just you wait though)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


The most hideous ring imaginable... Next to a Cardinals ring, or course.

NHL Playoffs Set

1. Washington Capitals Guido's pick East
8. Montreal Canadians

4. Pittsburgh Penguins
5. Ottawa Senators

3. Buffalo Sabres
6. Boston Bruins

2. NJ Devils
7. Philadelphia Flyers

1. San Jose Sharks
8. Colorado Avalanche

4. Phoenix Coyotes
5. Detroit Red Wings

3. Vancouver Canucks
4. LA Kings

2. Chicago Blackhawks Guido's pick West, Stanley Cup winner
7. Nashville Predators

More Recent Pulls and Such

07 Bowman Miguel Montero rookie auto 347/500. 04 Skybox Marlon Byrd auto.

09 SP David Patton Letter auto rookie 36/100. 2010 Topps Geo Soto jersey

2010 Topps Johnny Mize hat patch 81/99. D Lee 2006 Flair Showcase jersey

2006 Topps '52 Josh Kinney and Ryan O'Malley rookie card autos

2010 Topps Finest Eric Hacker auto letter patch, 104/217. 08 SP Brian McCann jersey.

08 Upper Deck Chipper Jones jersey,08 UD SP Brent Lillibridge auto

Topps 2010 Fight Mat Relics of UFC LightWeight Champ Frankie Edgar and middle weight contender Alan Belcher. The Belcher is a bronze, 53/88. Ryan Bader Tapout shirt relic. Doesn't smell like sweat...

Dear Ben, Love Terry

By: Guido (Video starts after 30 second ad)

Roethlisberger is an idiot, simply put. Not that Bradshaw is a genius but he did manage to keep his ass and weiner out of trouble. I suppose we will find out later today what Roger Goodell thinks.

Why The Astros Remain Winless

By: Guido

Is that Susan Boyle behind Mike Hampton?

Monday, April 12, 2010

2010 Cubs Home Opener

By: Guido

Today is the Cubs home opener for 2010. They'll be playing the Brewers and I'll be there watching on my tv. I haven't been to a Cubs game in years as they are quite expensive and usually a disappointment. And then there are the drunken buffoons running free about the friendly confines. Maybe if they are out of things by mid summer, i can get some cheap tickets.

Home openers against the Brewers are usually pretty good. Remember that one time when Fukudome hit a triple in his first at bat and then went yard in the 9th to tie it and we still lost?! That was awesome. That stands right up there with other great Chicago sports moments like Devin Hester returning the kick off for a touchdown in the super bowl and when the Bulls fired Scott Skiles (boy, that wasn't a mistake). If you plan on rooting for a Chicago based team, don't plan on having championship memories, just dreams. You won't remember the good times, only the bad ones. For every Mark Grace, Greg Maddux, Walter Payton, Michael Jordan and Frank Thomas there's a Milton Bradley, Brian Cox, Dennis Rodman, Dusty Baker, Kerry Wood, Rex Grossman, Cedric Benson, Jay Mariotti... Just a warning. At least the Blackhawks have officially waken up from years of frustration.

However, being a Chicago fan sure beats the hell out of rooting for any St. Louis based team.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Recent Pulls and Finds

By: Guido

Topps needs to work on their photo shop skills next time around. These few cards from their 2010 Opening Day set look atrocious.

Let the Tyler Colvin era begin. 2010 Topps Heritage rookie

2010 Topps Finest Tyler Colvin Auto letter patch 11/217. The only card in this post that I didn't get from a pack. Good ol' EBAY.

Pulled this Topps Opening Day Daniel Bard Auto from a dollar pack at Wal-Mart.

First Fantasy Baseball Mistake of 2010

By: Guido

Well, it didn't take long for my most hyped player of 2010 to hurt all four of my teams. D'backs catcher Miguel Montero was placed on the 15-day DL for a sprained right knee. An MRI from Saturday night showed a torn meniscus. And of course there isn't a time table for his return. Shit. In one league I was smart enough to take a back-up, Geo Soto... Or maybe that's dumb enough. Oh well. Hopefully he isn't out too long. He was gonna be my sleeper guy all year. My smart pick. There's still a chance yet though.

UFC 113 on May 18th

Main Card
Light Heavyweight Championship bout: Lyoto Machida (c) vs. Mauricio Rua
Welterweight bout: Josh Koscheck vs. Paul Daley
Lightweight bout: Sam Stout vs. Jeremy Stephens
Heavyweight bout: Kimbo Slice vs. Matt Mitrione
Middleweight bout: Patrick Côté vs. Alan Belcher

Preliminary Card
Middleweight bout: Tim Credeur vs. Tom Lawlor
Welterweight bout: Marcus Davis vs. Jonathan Goulet
Welterweight bout: TJ Grant vs. Johny Hendricks
Heavyweight bout: Joey Beltran vs. Chad Corvin
Welterweight bout: Yoshiyuki Yoshida vs. Mike Guymon
Middleweight bout: Nick Catone vs. John Salter

Anderson Silva vs. Brock Lesnar

Dana White,

You DO NOT owe UFC fans an apology for Anderson Silva's performance. Nor do you have to make it up to us. Anderson owes the fans an apology. And not through that shit head interpreter/manager/ass kisser of his, Ed Soares. The last thing we need is some second hand apology. In my opinion, Silva doesn't care about the UFC or it's fans. And he probably doesn't give two shits about his own fans. I have never been a Silva fan but I do appreciate what he can do in the Octagon, I just wonder if we will ever see it.

Maybe Silva needs a challenge. I don't mean that in a light heavyweight way or even a match with GSP. I'm talking about Brock Lesnar. Why not? Hell, Anderson thinks he's so damn great and wonderful... Oh but I'm only dreaming. That piece of shit Ed Soares would shoot that down in a hot second because he knows Anderson would get is ass handed to him. But it would be vindication for all of us who had to sit through that fight last night. I think this would be the only time I would ever root for Lesnar, unless he was fighting Fedor.

This was the first Silva headlined PPV I've purchased. I'm not too happy about it the way it ended either. Neither were any of my friends. But we aren't mad at the UFC. We are mad at Anderson Silva. He's a piece of trash... And we want to see Brock Lesnar take out the trash.


Guido and the Sports Jerks Staff

More Dana on Silva's Performance

Dana White on Anderson Silva's UFC 112 Performance

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Soriano Situation

By: Guido

I'm hearing alot of Cubs fans bitching about Lou not playing Tyler Colvin over Alfonso Soriano. Well what the hell? They are paying Soriano too much dough to just put his ass on the bench. Soriano may indeed be on his last legs as a professional ball player but he still has five years left on his contract. Thats $18 mil per year too. You really think the Cubs are gonna sit an $18 mil a yer guy on the bench?

They have to play him. They have to get whatever is left in the tank. Hendry could try and trade him but who would want him? He has an expensive contract, he can't hit or field and he has an attitude. Who I ask you? Who?
Seattle did fall for it earlier this year when they trade Carlos Silva to the Cubs for Milton Bradley but I doubt that would work again. Unless it's Bradley for Soriano but that just seems worse to me.

And it may be to early yet in the season to jump the gun on Colvin. Every organization has their top prospects that fans salivate over. Just because Jason Heyward hit a dong on opening day doesn't guarantee he will ever be worth shit. Marty Cordova...Ben Grieve...Scott Williamson...Jason Jennings just to name a few. Hell even Kerry Wood ended up never being the type of player he was anticipated to be.

So, let's just play Soriano in left and hope to hell that he will start to hit the ball. That's all we need. Colvin isn't going anywhere soon. And we'll need him to back up center and right if Nady can't.

UFC 112 Predictions

I know it's started already, since it's live from Abu Dhabi, so I'm just gonna pick the main card.

Main Card
Middleweight bout: Kendall Grove vs. Mark Munoz
Guido says: Grove by tko
Lightweight bout: Terry Etim vs. Rafael dos Anjos
Guido says: dos Anjos by decision
Welterweight bout: Matt Hughes vs. Renzo Gracie
Guido says: Hughes by split decision
Lightweight Championship bout: B.J. Penn (c) vs. Frankie Edgar
Guido says: Penn by KO
Middleweight Championship bout: Anderson Silva (c) vs. Demian Maia
Guido says: Silva by KO

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Jason Heyward's Bomb

By: Guido

Let's not jump the gun on Jason Heyward quite yet. Many talented prospects have ended up being no more that a Paul Bako sized blip in the history books of MLB. Besides, lots of players have homered in their first MLB at-bat, including:

José Offerman - 2x All-Star, 15yrs in MLB
Dave Eiland - 12-27 5.74 ERA Minors and MLB 1988-2000
Jim Bullinger - 34-41, 5.06 ERA 6yrs MLB
Jay Gainer - .171, 7 hits, 3 HR...all in 1993
Mitch Lyden - .300 lifetime BA in his 6 game career
Rusty Greer - Inducted in Texas Rangers HOF, .305 career AVG
Garey Ingram
Jon Nunnally
Jermaine Dye
Dustin Hermanson
Brad Fullmer
Marlon Anderson
Carlos Lee
Guillermo Mota
Esteban Yan
Alex Cabrera
Keith McDonald
Chris Richard
Gene Stechschulte
Marcus Thames
Miguel Olivo
Dave Matranga
Kaz Matsui
Hector Luna
Greg Dobbs
Andy Phillips
Mike Jacobs
Jeremy Hermida
Mike Napoli
Adam Wainwright
Ryan Roberts
Kevin Kouzmanoff
Charlton Jimerson
Josh Fields
Elijah Dukes
Mark Worrell
Lou Montañez
Mark Saccomanno
Jordan Schafer
Gerardo Parra
John Hester

This list dates back as far as 1895 but I only included players as early as 1990. By the looks of this list, Heyward has a shot to be decent. I got tired of detailing all the player info, by the way.

Cubs Opening Day Stinker

By: Guido

The Cubs another opening day game? Well, of course they did. But don't blame it on the umps.

Sure, it was easy to see Nate McLouth drop the ball during the replay of his diving catch, but that doesn't matter. It's not the replay that makes the ruling. it's the umpire. And if he didn't see it, then that's just the way it is. The game has always worked well without instant replay so let's keep the game the way it is. I know Aramis Ramirez says he saw McLouth drop the ball, but that means jack shit compared to what the ump called. Ramirez's responsibility as a base runner is to know what the ump has called.

In the end, blame the loss on Carlos Zambrano's good tempered pitching and the Braves' timely hitting. Hey, sometimes that's just the way it goes. you can't win them all. Cubs fans should know that by now.


By: Guido

The National Title game was indeed a good one. Now, just imagine if Duke actually committed fouls, which we know they don't! Butler would have won! But of course, Duke plays clean basketball because that's the way Coach K likes it. He doesn't like it dirty.

I feel like this game was set-up from the start. I have never seen such ticky-tacky fouls called against one team. I know the NCAA and ESPN and the shit heads at Cameron want Duke as the champion, but FUCK. For as bad as that game was officiated, it amazes me that Butler hung in there until the last second.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Opening Day: I Love It

By: Harvey

Today was the real opening day across Major League Baseball . . . otherwise known as my favorite day of the year. Especially when the Braves knock the living shit out of the Cubs and their psychopathic head case of an ace — otherwise known as Carlos Zambrano.

Unfortunately, the Cardinals also won, something for which I can never root. If the Cardinals were playing an exhibition game against the Hitler Youth All-Stars, I'd have a hard time deciding which team to support. Kind of like Duke in this national championship game tonight.

One of the stories on ESPN was about McGwire not getting booed in Cincinnati. Big f-ing deal. He'll catch his fair share of shit in Chicago, I'd guess. At this point, I'm guessing most folks in Cincy don't even care enough to boo, anyway. They're too busy taking out their frustration on the crap team their home team trots out on the field day after day. I'd imagine there were more Cardinals fans there, anyway.

Pujols is an animal, though. That son of a bitch is not human.

Now we have to endure tomorrow, when for some reason most teams take a day off. I don't get why they do this. If they're going to all take a day off, I wish they'd take the day of the NCAA title game instead. Tomorrow is going to suck worse than the Cubs did today in Atlanta.

A Treat

By: Guido

Why is it such a goddamn treat for baseball fans to have the Yankees and Red Sox open the season?

It's not. I do not care about the Red Sox or the Yankees. Only Red Sox fans and Yankees fans care about those teams. They watch the games...and how lucky they are that all of those games are nationaly televised.

Why not mix it up year to year and show some different teams on the opening night. I don't think it's fair to assume that every baseball fan wants to watch the goddamn Red Sox and Yankees all the time.

Why does ESPN think that by catering to all those east coast loving asshole fans, they are catering to everybody? Goddamn how about some variety? How about a one year ban on the Yankees, Red Sox, UNC, Duke, Celtics, Patriots, Knicks, Giants and Woody Fuckin Paige and Jay Fuckin Mariotti. Let's just throw the goddamn Steelers and that whole organization in their too. Too many questionable characters for me on that team. Put Tiger in their too.

Now if you cut all that out of your regular Sportscenter or ESPNews, you are left with a couple NHL or NBA highlights and the usual boring as hell tennis updates...

Im just so tired of the shit.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Brown Out: Bears Release Alex Brown

By: Guido

It's official. Alex Brown is no longer a Chicago Bear. He won't be a free agent for long. Somebody will get suckered by him.

Cubs Finalize Roster

By: Guido

The Cubs released veteran Kevin Millar and give their final roster spot to Chad Tracy. James Russell received the final bullpen spot. Russell was a non-roster invitee. Angel Guzman did make the final roster, however, he will be having shoulder surgery and is out indefinitely. The is a possibility that he may not pitch again.

# Catchers
55 Koyie Hill
18 Geovany Soto
# Infielders
28 Jeff Baker
17 Mike Fontenot
25 Derrek Lee
16 Aramis Ramirez
2 Ryan Theriot
9 Chad Tracy
# Outfielders
24 Marlon Byrd
21 Tyler Colvin*
1 Kosuke Fukudome
22 Xavier Nady
12 Alfonso Soriano
# Pitchers
64 Justin Berg*
33 Esmailin Caridad*
46 Ryan Dempster
32 Tom Gorzelanny
43 John Grabow
37 Angel Guzman
30 Ted Lilly-DL
49 Carlos Marmol
45 Sean Marshall
29 Jeff Samardzija
52 Carlos Silva
36 Randy Wells
38 Carlos Zambrano


MLB Fantasy news and notes: April 1st

By: Guido

Jose Reyes, Ian Kinsler, Joe Blanton, Huston Street and Lance Berkman will all open the season on the DL.

The Texas Rangers have acquired Ryan Garko off waivers from Seattle.

Corey Patterson has opted out of his minor league deal and is now a free agent. Talk about a bust. The Cubs seem to have a way to over hype their talent.

In Sports Jerks NL or SPNL, The gestapo made a couple of excellent moves by dropping Micheal Stanton and adding Franklin Morales and Matt Lindstrom.

In Sports Jerks 2010 or SP10, Pudge, Jermaine Dye, Griffey Jr., Madison Bumgarner and Joba all became free agents. Dye is currently team less while Bumgarner will start the season in triple-a.

Cards tarde Lugo

By: Guido

Julio Lugo was traded today to Baltimore for cash or a player to be named.

This works well for Lugo who will now get an opportunity to play almost everyday. Lugo will be backing up Brian Roberts at second, Cesar Izturis at short and Miguel Tejada at third. The Cardinals will use Felipe Lopez as their infield back-up.

This kills the proposed Cubs/Orioles deal that would have sent Jeff Baker or Mike Fontenot to Baltimore for middle reliever Matt Albers.