Friday, December 17, 2010

sig hansen redemption

By: Clay

I received my 2010 Allen & Ginter Sig Hansen redemption a lot sooner than I expected. The redemption card stated that I was due to receive a framed relic. Apparently Topps wasn't able to obtain anything for that. I like this better anyway. Captain Sig!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

9-3 Bears and more

By: Clay

The Bears have a rough schedule ahead of them. Today's game against New England is very winnable. This has nothing to do with weather and everything to do with the Bears defense. While the Pats d is second in the league in INT's, the Bears are fifth. Tom Brady hasn't been picked in 8 straight while Cutler has a 2 game streak. Brady is due for a pick. My guess is 2 picks for Brady. One by Urlacher on a tipped pass by Peppers and then one late in the game by Tillman. Bears 17 Pats 13.

GSP totally dominated Josh Koscheck at UFC 124. Jake Shields is likely due next for GSP and may happen at a UFC show in April in Toronto. I predict GSP to pick Shields apart. There really aren't any logical match-ups for GSP at this time. The winner of Fitch/Penn as well as Jim Miller may be in line for a shot late in 2011.

No word on Brock Lesner's next fight. I think that Lesnar should either fight Frank Mir or Roy Nelson. Mir/Lesnar III would be the biggest Lesnar money fight for the UFC. Of course, Shane Carwin could make an interesting rematch for Brock Lesnar, but Carwin needs to get his back in order first. Junior Dos Santos will get the next title shot when he faces champ Cain Velazquez.

Clay Guida next faces Takinori Gomi at UFC 125 on New Years day. That show is headlined by Brian Stann vs Chris Leben and Frankie Edgar putting the lightweight title on the line against Gray Maynard. Anderson Silva defends his middleweight title and top pound-for-pound title against Vitor Belfort in February. Rashad Evans will get a light heavyweight title shot against Shogun but time and place is TBD.

Giants-Vikings postponed

By: Clay

It's a conspiracy! Roger Goodell orchestrated the snowstorm and Metrodome roof collapse so Favre would have an extra day to prepare his body and keep his consecutive starts streak alive.

Saturday, December 11, 2010


By: Clay

I know we have been terrible over these past few months but let me weigh in on a few things right quick.

First off, Ron Santo died this week and that just plain sucks. If only he had taken better care of himself a little better (drinks and food), he may have still been here to witness the Cubs 2011 season. But, one has to respect Ron for living his life the way he did, knowing that it may not be the best way to go about things. Ron took a lot of criticism as a Cubs color guy but really, every team has a homer in the booth, so it is expected. I always enjoyed listening to Ron and Pat during Cubs games. Thank you, Ron Santo.

As great as Jud is, I'd rather have Steve Stone come over from the Sox and provide commentary with Pat.

Carlos Pena's batting average doesn't scare me. I believe Pena is going to hit the crap out of the ball, especially if the wind is blowing out. That's a good signing by the Cubs. My ideas for the team, if they couldn't get a guy for first, were as follows:

1. Make Blake DeWitt a utility player, filling in at third and second.
2. Move Aramis Ramirez to first base. Sure, he is a defensive liability there but isn't his arm a liability at third anyway?
3. Call up Josh Vitters To play third base. Youth movement.
4. Move Soriano to second base. Hey, that's where he started and he can't hop and hurt himself there.
5. Slide Colvin into left field.
6. Get rid of Jeff Baker. What is with the cubs always having crappy utility players? Jose Macias, Aaron Miles, Manny Alexander, Bobby Scales, Brant and Roosevelt Brown, Jason Doubois...
7. Sign or trade for a decent #2 or #3 pitcher to slide in behind Big Z. Brandon Webb or Matt Garza should do the trick.
8. Win close games.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Game-used and Auto

By: Clay

I plan on updating my lists of game-used and auto cards as well as start a page for 2010 Allen and Ginter's, 2010 Topps 206 and vintage Cubs cards. Also, my 2010 Topps Red Hot Rookies redemption #8 ended up being Stephan Strasburg. Pretty Sweet. Too bad he is hurt, otherwise I'd put that bad bot on Ebay. I haven't had the kind of luck with Topps 206 as I did with Allen and Ginter's. But, out of the 206, I have auto's from Daniel Murphy, Orlando Cabrera and Bengie Molina and a relic of Curt Schilling from his D'Backs days.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Fantasy Leagues

By: Clay

Hey, our Yahoo! fantasy Basketball and Hockey leagues are open for registration. Shoot me an email @ if you are interested.

Red Legs

By: Clay

Well who the hell saw this coming? The Reds are central division champs for the first time since 1995. i don't really mind it. I'm picking them as my team for the playoffs. I don't mind the Reds and I've been collecting Joey Votto since he debuted a couple years ago and I have been actively collecting Drew Stubbs this season. As a matter of fact, I have a bat relic of Votto and an auto of Stubbs from this years killer Allen and Ginter set. Votto for MVP, anyone? I think so.

Hopefully Dusty Baker doesn't let his young staff throw their arms out.


By: Clay

Holy Fucking Shit! The Bears are off to a 3-0 start. That is awesome. Looking at the schedule a couple months ago, I figured the Bears to be 1-3. It is nice to be undefeated but I don't know hope long it can last considering the Bears pass defense is so shitty. But, it looks like Cutler, Olsen and Hester have found a home under Mike Martz. Plus, Julius Peppers has been the bomb-diggity thus far. And what makes this even better, we've beaten the Packers on MNF and the Vikings are tanking. The Bears have a legitimate shot at representing the NFC in the Super Bowl. And if they do, Party Time at Harvey's House!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Recent Activity

By: Clay

I moved a month ago and do not have internet access. It is a pain in the ass for me to post from my Droid. I am currently looking to move and get a new job, which would put SportsJerks back in action. I also plan on updated my ball card pages soon as I have aquired a shit ton of allen and ginter goodies and vintage Cubs cards. Also, my birthday is Wednesday so mayeb I'll get some more goodies.

Thank you for your patience,


Sunday, July 11, 2010

2010 All-Star Break

By: Clay

I hate that the All-Star game determines WS home field advantage. If the NL really wants to win the damn game, then why didn't that idiot Charlie Manuel make Strasburg his starting pitcher? Obviously Stras has great stuff and hardly and of the American league roster has faced him. So why not start him and have him go three or four innings? It couldn't hurt. Well, the Nationals organization would probably be pissed that he went more than two innings but what are they playing for anyway? Stras is young. He'll be fine.

Miguel Cabrera was not voted in as a starter and he should have been. He will be starting in place of an injured Justin Morneau. Cabrera's number's are slightly better and he has 20 more RBI's.

Why aren't Alex Rios, Carlos Gonzalez, Adam Dunn, Mat Latos, Billy Wagner and Aubrey Huff in the All-Star game? Omar Infante, Jose Reyes, Michael Bourn, Jason Heyward, Chris Young, Evan Meek, John Buck...All-Stars? Seriously? I absolutley HATE that all the teams have to represented. If a team doesn't have an All-Star caliber player, then they don't have one. Marlon Byrd isn't going to make me watch the game just because he represents my team. I'll only watch if during the seventh-inning stretch, Roberto Alomar launches a loogie in Chris Berman's face. I can't fucking stand that guy. He ruins everything.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

UFC 116 Thoughts

By: Guido

What an awesome card UFC 116 turned out to be. It lived up to its potential. Lesnar survived the first round against Carwin and then managed to choke Carwin out. That was unexpected. I'm glad Lesnar won. I think Carwin was actually starting to believe his own hype a little too much. He need that loss. Leben worked and worked to get his submission of Akiyama. That was an unbelievable fight. I wanted Leben to win but I expected Yama to take it. For all the hype that Akiyama has brought with him to the UFC, he hasn't proven anything to me. I do think the Alan Belcher deserves a rematch vs Akiyama. All in all, every fight was entertaining. Next month's card looks to be just as good. Well, as long as the Real Anderson Silva shows up.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Back on Topps: Episode 101

I found this show on Youtube. It's hilarious. I can't believe that I've never heard of it until 30 minutes ago. It stars the Sklar brothers and the bald guy from the Sonic commercials. Enjoy.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I'm The GM: Cubs Edition June 2010

BY: Guido

Well, if I'm the new GM then that means Hendry has been shown the door. Excellent.

My first move would be to declare the Cubs as sellers for the trading deadline. A-Ram, Soto, Marmol, Colvin, Byrd, and Marshall are untouchable in my book. Soriano, Zambrano, Fukudome, Silva, Dempster, and Lee are virtually unmovable and, unfortunately, the ones that need to be moved. Here's what I do:

I hang on to Lee. His contract is up at the end of the 2010 season so I would try and resign him. He isn't having a good year so he would be a cheap option. Of course this all depends on what Lee wants.

Soriano's contract is awful. There isn't anyway he can be moved. I would immediately start working him at second base in hopes that he will be comfortable enough to start the 2011 season there. Plus, when Soriano is hitting the ball, there isn't anyone better in baseball.

I'm keeping Castro at short and A-Ram at third. Castro is a building block for the future and we can chalk up 2010 as a fluke season for Aramis.

I would try and move Baker, Fontenot, and Tracy. I know I couldn't possibly get rid of all these guys, but I could try. Theriot would make for decent trade bait and he's only getting $2.6 mil per year.

The outfield will go Colvin in left, Byrd in center and Fukudome/Nady in right. This is a supreme outfield. Byrd is just in his prime and Colvin is realizing his potential. The other two...well you can't have three complete badasses.

The rotaion is gonna be the worst part to get a grip on. Dempster's contract isn't up until after the 2011 season. So he is locked down. Zambrano is under contract until after the 2012 season. Stuck with him. Lilly is in his last year of his 4yr $40 mil contract. He won't be cheap. I'd like to resign him but let's say he goes elsewhere. Silva will be a Cub until the end of the 2011 season. I don't resign Randy Wells. My rotaion would go: Lilly, Zambrano, Silva, Dempster and Cashner. I'd work Gorzelanny, Russel, Samardzija and Caridad out of the pen. Let Marshall work as the set-up man and Marmol as the closer.

I would not bring back Lou Piniella. I would not bring back Larry Rothschild. I would not name Ryne Sandberg as the new manager. I would do everything in my power to sign Joe Girardi as the manager. If Girardi doesn't want it, I'll go after Bob Brenley. I would move Greg Maddux to pitching coach. Rudy Jarimillo and Alan Trammell will stay on in their respected positions. I would make Steve Stone the Resident Bad Ass of all Baseball Matters.

Now, I'm not saying instant World Series or even success. It may take a couple years. But in the end, the rewards would be bountiful.

More Cards on Ebay

By: Guido

I've posted some more cards on ebay for auction. The highlights include a 2010 Topps Hank Greenberg SP, a 2010 Topps Johnny Mize Hat Logo 81/99 and 2009 Bowman Orange refractor #'d 03/25 of Jonathan Waltenbury. We shall see...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Lakers Win Title

By: Guido

I got home from work just in time to see the final 11 seconds, which just happens to be my NBA tolerance level. Thankfully, it only lasted 11 seconds. Just like Zach Wolf. The Lakers won. Whatever. NBA sucks.


By: Guido

Well, I figured I'd have some time this weekend to add a bunch of cards to the list and maybe contribute some fun to the blog. Luckily, I purchased two Cubs tickets for tomorrows game. So, look for a write up early to mid next week similar to my Cards/Astros post.

I am hitting a flea market on Sunday in Bloomington. Maybe I'll find some bad ass cards there...Not that I need anymore...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Ball Cards and Strasburg/EBAY

By: Guido

As you can see to your right, I am putting some baseball card funsies on her for anyone who is interested in those sorts of things...trades and such. By the way, I did pretty good on my Strasburg ebay auctions. The Bowman Chrome went for $32, the Bowman base for $19 and the Tristar Crystal Baller for $4. Not too bad. All the buyers paid within 24hrs and I got the cards mailed out earlier this afternoon.

I had put a some SAGE HIT autos on ebay that didn't sell and a couple Griffey Chrome Hertitage. I'll add them to the lists on the right here in a few days since I'm off all damn weekend. I've alot of goodies I need to add to the trade/sell list I'm gonna start. I know your nipples are getting hard thinking about it. And yes Harvey, I do have some Braves players to add that I know you'll just be "chipper" about.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Rich Franklin Post UFC 115

If you didn't know, Rich suffered a broken left arm half way through the first round in his bout with Chuck Liddell this past weekend. Rich blocked a high kick 2 minutes into the fight and his forearm broke. He immediately shook the arm and kept fighting even though he knew it was broken. It seems these days that anyone who can throw a punch can knock Liddell out, but how many people would want to attempt going 3 rounds with a broken arm?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Strasburg on Ebay

By: Guido

I recently pulled two Stephen Strasburg cards from the 2010 Bowman product. I put them on ebay because to me, Strasburg shit is gonna so overly manufactured here in a year or two that it wont be worth squat. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. Sure, his pitches are nasty but this is the way I feel. For whatever reason, the site isn't letting me insert a link. It never does. I'll let you know how the sales go. If you want to look it up, my seller ID is clay9883. Hey, bid on something if you like.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Recent Goodies

Here are some pics of some of my recent pulls. All walmart or target blaster purchases.

I got these 09-10 Champs hockey at Target. These are base cards and they look quite lovely.

Kali pulled the Milan Lucic game-used mini from 09-10 Champs and I pulled the Mike Richards treasured swatches from 08-09 UD Artifacts hockey. Both were $20 blaster boxes.

Other than the guarantee on the box that you will get two auto's per box, 2010 Sage Hit is a miss. Series one is only a fifty card set and the blasters are full of repeats. It's only worth it for a chance of pulling a Sam Bradford auto. Got these and the ones below at walmart a while back.

I really like the look of the Topps 2010 National Chicle. Kali pulled the Madison Bumgarner. It was excitement city. I've never had that kinda luck in one day. I bought three blasters from Target yesterday(Champs, Artifacts and National Chicle) and all three had something awesome inside.

My first Byrd card in a Cubs uni. That guy is playing his ass off this year is a big reason why the Cubs still have a shot. the Zambrano and Lee cards were both drawn by Don Higgins.

This Tim Wakefield card... I'm not a fan. Hey look, Ted Lilly!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Elias Coblentz

By: Guido

Go to Youtube and search for Elias Coblentz. He's a Cards fan from Iowa and hates Kentucky. This guy is just fucking stupid. Below is a website where they gave Elias a little bashing. copy and paste it and enjoy. I want to slap this moron. Go Now!

Unfortunately, the video has been removed from youtube but he has a shit ton more.

UFC 114 Promo Video

UFC 113 News and Notes

By: Guido

UFC 113 turned in a good show. Shogun Rua ko'd Machida late in the first round to capture the light heavyweight title. Koscheck beat Daley by unanimous decision. Daley then followed the final horn by landing a cheap shot on the right eye of Kos. Minutes later, Daley was unemployed. Kos will face off against GSP on The Ultimate Fighter and then fight for the title this winter.

Kimbo also walked out of Montreal jobless after a lack luster performance against Matt Mitrione. Mitrione looked tough in only his second pro fight. Then again, he was facing Kimbo. Sam Stout and Jeremy Stephens went to war with Stephens taking it by split decision.

Alan Belcher continued to impress fans as he dominated Patrick Cote. Belcher may be in line for a shot at Anderson Silva next year.

Fight of the Night: Jeremy Stephens vs. Sam Stout
Knockout of the Night: Mauricio Rua
Submission of the Night: Alan Belcher


The Hawks have made it to the Western Conference Finals. That is truly Badd Ass!

NBA Update

By: Guido

The Conference finals are almost set. The Magic have steam rolled their way there. I'm pulling for Magic/Suns but even if that match up occurs, i still won't watch.

The Bulls fired Vinny Del Negro... Never even should have hired him... Never should have fired Skiles...

The Cavs are on the brink of elimination. LeBron becomes a free agent on July 1st.

Illinois Jr. Forward Mike Davis withdrew from the NBA Draft. Same goes for Jr. Guard Demetri McCamey.

Astros/Cardinals 5-11: Part Three: The Game

By: Guido

Eventful happenings
Top 1
Matsui HBP
Bot 1
Ludwick walks and later scores on Holliday ground out. Pujols singles. 1-0
Top 2
Bot 2
Top 3
Singles for Manzella and Bourn
Bot 3
Freese hits in Ludwick. 2-0
Top 4
Bot 4
Schumaker singles, advances to second on a wild pitch and gets thrown out at the plate on a Brad Penny single. I could hear my cheer echo through out Busch.
Top 5
Manzella caught stealing
Bot 5
Pujols hits into a double play. He made it about half way to first
Top 6
Bot 6
Top 7
Lee reaches base on Brendan Ryan throwing error. Pence doubles. Blum HBP. Lee scores on Manzella sac fly. Sullivan singles and Pence scores. Quintero singles and Blum scores. Bourn singles and Sullivan singles. Astros lead 4-2
Bot 7
Many Card fans head for the exits. Jon Jay singles. Ludwick hits Jay in. 4-3
Top 8
Berkman homers. Pence homers after losing his bat into the stands. No one was hurt. More "Fans" leave. 6-3
Bot 8
1-2-3 More "fans" leave
Top 9
Bot 9
Stavinoha singles. Ludwick K's to end it

W: Brett Myers L: Brad Penny SV: Matt Lindstrom

Astros 6 Cardinals 3

Astros/Cardinals 5-11: Part Two: The Fans

By: Guido

It's was toned down crowd for Busch. I don't think they were drinking as heavily as they usually do. I saw a handful of Astros fans and one Cubs fan in a Nomar jersey. He was a pretty big fella so I'm sure they left him alone.

There were a ton of Pujols and Molina jerseys in the stands, and then maybe a handful of Wainwrights, Hollidays and Ecksteins. I saw one of each of the following: Smith, Edmonds, Duncan, Warfield, Renteria, Rolen, McGwire and Vina. I'm not too sure why you wouldn't throw some of those old wash rags away.

One of those contests they had on the big screen was a guess the phrase game. The answer was "Best Fans in Baseball". Imagine that. I didn't think you could give yourself a nickname. It doesn't work that way. You earn a nickname. Good or bad, you earn it. That's just asking for other team's fans to hate you. Why do they get to claim themselves as the best? Haven't the Cubs and their fans been through a lot? And their fan's are still there. And what about teams who have never won anything? Don't they deserve some recognition for sticking around?

Do the "Best Fans in Baseball" know that they are cheering and loving one of the laziest players in the game in Albert Pujols? That guy doesn't run out shit. More on him later.

The Cards had a 2-0 lead before Brad Penny blew it in the 7th. The Astros were up 4-2 in the bottom of the 7th and Card fans started heading for the gates. Woah! "Best Fans in Baseball" just giving up on their team? I guess it only makes sense. Their motto is "Play Like a Cardinal" and with Pujols just giving up on every hit, why can't they just give up on the game? Excellent message, Cards.

This is why every Cards win is a killer and every loss is so sweet. Watching them lose gives you the feeling you would have had if OJ was found guilty in criminal court. When the Cards lose, justice is served.

Astros/Cardinals 5-11: Part One: Busch Stadium

By: Guido

While it is a very nice looking ballpark, Busch has just way too much crap going on. Whether it's because the common fan lacks the attention span to watch the entire game or too many idiots are bringing their toddlers to the game, who knows?

The merch stands and food stands are fine. The store doesn't bother me either. It's all the other crap going on. You've got a batting game and speed pitch deal that I know is common place anymore at ballparks, but is it really necessary? Shouldn't the "Best Fans in Baseball" be watching the game rather than clowning around?

Another attention grabber would be all the garbage that's showing on the jumbo screen. Games, fan contests, marriage proposals and ads flash in front of your eyes. With the guessing games, people actually take it seriously and cheer if the selected the best answer. Like it matters! No one cares if you correctly picked which hat had the ball under it or what the attendance is. You shouldn't cheer that. You should be cheering that it's over and the next inning is starting.

The worst thing about Busch is all the singing and dancing going on. Kids from the ages of 5 to high school are singing and dancing their hearts out. Why? Is this what the creeps in St. Louis like? They're goddamn pervs! I know it's to put asses in the seats, but if the only way you can do it is by offering schools a chance to do dance/choir/gymnastics before the game, you need to reevaluate your team and fanbase.

When you have to put on a show just to keep people at the game, then you've already lost those people. That's what gives Wrigley it's charm. No gimmicks. No performances. Win or lose, it's always baseball.

Astros/Cardinals 5-11: Prologue

By: Guido

This wasn't my first trip to Busch stadium. Actually, I doubt I could even guess how many times I've watched a game there. Most of them have been fairly enjoyable. I've yet to witness the Cards defeat the Cubs at new or old Busch.

I've been to far more games at Busch as opposed to games at Wrigley. This is mainly due to location as it's such a bitch to navigate through Chicago and find parking and the red line. Parking around Busch is plentiful but the price is usually too high. But at least you can actually park by the stadium. That's the one advantage Busch has over Wrigley.

I do plan on attending a Cubs game this season. The way things are going, I could probably score some cheap tickets now and then watch them win the division in the fall.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Tomorrow I will be posting my musings on Tuesdays Cards/Astros game that I attended. If your a fan of the Cards, I would cover my eyes. What I saw wasn't pretty...


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Monday, April 26, 2010

Tito Ortiz Arrested

By: Guido

Apparently Tito Ortiz was arrested for domestic violence. His wife is porno "sensation" Jenna Jameson and she plans to press charges. Tito is a coach on this season's Ultimate Fighter and was schedualed to fight Chuck Liddell at UFC 115 until he had to pull out do to an injury that won't be revealed until later in the season of Ultimate Fighter.

MLB News and Notes

By: Guido

Looking at both league's standings, the NL looks more balanced then the AL. The worst team in the NL are the Pirates, who stand at 7-11. The Phillies, Padres and Cards are all tops in the NL at 11-7. Nobody looks overly impressive and it may be a highly competitive season. So far it's still anyones race

The AL's worst team is Baltimore at 3-16. The best team is Tampa at 14-5. The Twins and Athletics are leading their division as well wich both come as surprises. I didn't expect the Twins pen to hold up with out Joe Nathan. And I don't expect the A's to win the west but it's not something I'm rooting against.

Dallas Braden is one of my top guys right now after he ripped into that piece of shit A-Rod. It's sad that Yankee fan's still defend A-Roid. I still like Sosa, but not like I did before all the roid accusations and the corked bat. Anyway, apparently it's an unwritten rule in baseball that you don't run over the pitcher's mound, which is what A-Fraud did. However, since it's unwritten, then it's not really a rule or so say fans of the Yanks. OK then. So why do the Yankee's and their fans keep saying that Dallas Braden doesn't have enough MLB service time to speak his mind to A-Rod. Is that an unwritten rule too? That if you haven't proven yourself, then you can't speak your mind? What about a rule that if you are a piece of shit cheater and you've admitted to it and the lab results prove it, then your glove and all your records and magazine covers and endorsements and TMZ bullshit and get the fuck out of baseball.

Next to Barry Bonds, A-Fraud has got to be the most selfish and untrustworthy player in the history of the game. If that guy was on my team, do you think I'd try and defend him?

Bears Sign Undrafted Free Agents

Bowling Green receiver Freddie Barnes, Michigan receiver Greg Mathews and running back Brandon Minor, Indiana linebacker Matt Mayberry, Ohio State defensive end Lawrence Wilson, UTEP cornerback Cornelius Brown, Montana offensive tackle Levi Horn, Nicholls State wide receiver Antonio Robinson, Texas A&M-Kingsville defensive tackle Jimmy Saddler-McQueen, Northern Iowa safety Quentin Scott, Nebraska defensive end Barry Turner and Colorado State center Tim Walter

Bears Draft Picks

Round 3 75th pick
Major Wright
S Florida
5-11 206

Round 4 109th pick
Corey Wootton
DE Northwestern
6-6 270

Round 5 141st pick
Josh Moore
CB Kansas St.
5-11 188

Round 6 181st pick
Dan LeFevour
QB Central Michigan
6-3 230

Round 7 218th pick
J'Marcus Webb
T West Texas A&M
6-8 335

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Big Z Set Up

By: Guido

I found this out last night and was gonna post about it but I wanted to wait until I got all the info. However, nothing has really been said yet.

Carlos Zambrano is now going to be working out of the bullpen. Why? Because Lou Piniella and Jim Hendry know their relievers suck dong. I told you the bullpen was going to be terrible. Zambrano said:

“I understand the situation. I understand that we need a little, little help in the bullpen. Look, we already lost three or four games in the eighth inning or in relief.”

At least Zambrano is upbeat about the situation. So with Ted Lilly set to return, the Cubs rotation will consist of Lilly, Ryan Dempster, Carlos Silva, Randy Wells and Tom Gorzelanny. Silva is doing too good for Lou to want to move him and apparently doesn't trust Gorz out of the pen.

I don't agree with this move at all. Lou says it's just temporary as the Cubs try to acquire a set-up man. So, their thinking is, "Wow! What a 1-2 punch to end a game! Zambrano and then Marmol". Dempster has pitched in relief. Have him do it.

Check this out:

Carlos Zambrano: 1570.2 innings, 106-70, 9 CGs, 3.56 ERA, 1.30 WHIP.
Josh Beckett: 1426.2 innings, 107-68, 9 CGs, 3.82 ERA, 1.22 WHIP.
Johan Santana: 1727.2 innings, 123-61, 9 CGs, 3.12 ERA, 1.11 WHIP.
Jake Peavy: 1380.2 innings, 95-68, 7 CGs, 3.30 ERA, 1.19 WHIP.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Big Ben Suspended

By: Guido

The NFL has suspended Roethlisberger 4-6 games with it possibly to be reduced if certain conditions are met. I don't know why they, the NFL, can't just come out and say, "Hey, Ben is suspended this many games". Why does it have to be a secret? We're gonna find out eventually so fucking tell us.

However, the suspension will occur because the Steelers have just traded a 7th round pick to Tampa in exchange for Byron Leftwich. Leftwich was Roethlisberger's back-up during the 2008 Steelers super bowl season.

Maybe a character test is in order for future NFL'ers.

Monday, April 19, 2010

2 Week Awards

by: Guido

It's not time to panic yet for Cubs fans, though Cardinals fans are already starting with the wait til next year shit. Very original. Neither team has been overly impressive yet. As expected, the Cubs bullpen is subpar and Soriano is playing like that water head that your little league coach would throw out there in right in the last couple innings. And, like I figured, the Cards offense hasn't been anything special. They really need to get a bigger bat at short or third. Maybe they could take the Cubs place in the annual Cubs/Pirates trade. So, after two weeks of play, here are the award winners.

MVP's: Vernon Wells and Matt Kemp
I don't belive in the old rule that your team has to make the playoffs in order for you to win MVP. That's a pile of horse shit. So Matt Kemp takes it in the NL. The Dodgers haven't been great but they are at .500. Without Kemp's numbers, they would be a lot worse. Vernon is the reason the Blue Jays have a winning record right now. Not only that but Vernon has found power this season and 6 dingers. In the end, probably gonna be Pujols and someone from the AL east.

Cy Young: Tim Lincecum and Matt Garza
This could just as easily be Wainwright instead of Lincecum. They are egual on everything this season, just Lincecum edged Wainright on era 0.90 to 1.50. Garza has been dominate so far notching 3 wins and a 0.75 era. AL could go to any number of guys while the NL will come down to Lincecum, Wainright, Hallady, Carpenter and the dark horse, Tommy Hanson.

Surprise teams: Pirates, Athletics, Red Sox
It's just a matter of time before this all goes back to normal. The A's and Pirates will fall back and the Red Sox will start winning. Howere, if it stays this way then fine by me.

Prince Fielder - 0 hr, 3 rbi, .244
Grady Sizemore - 0 hr, .231
Victor Martinez - 1 hr, 4 rbi, .224
Jose Reyes - 1 sb, .154
Aramis Ramirez - 8 hits, .170
and also: Nate McClouth, Carlos Lee, Chris Coughlan
Zack Greinke - no wins, 3.57
Yovani Gallardo no wins, 5.50
Justin Verlander - no wins, 6.88
Jon Lester - no wins, 8.44 era

Not Surprising
Wandy Rodriguez - no wins, 17.1 IP, 7 k's, 4.67
Tim Lincecum - 3 wins, 20 IP, 24 k's, 0.90
Roy Halladay - 3 wins, 24 IP, 21 k's, 1.12
Carlos Silva - 1 win, 13 IP, 8 k's, 0.69
Albert Pujols - 5 hr, 15 rbi, .327
Ryan Braun - 3 hr, 12 rbi, .367
Martin Prado - 10 runs, .426
Miguel Montero - 6/12, .500 (DL, just you wait though)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


The most hideous ring imaginable... Next to a Cardinals ring, or course.

NHL Playoffs Set

1. Washington Capitals Guido's pick East
8. Montreal Canadians

4. Pittsburgh Penguins
5. Ottawa Senators

3. Buffalo Sabres
6. Boston Bruins

2. NJ Devils
7. Philadelphia Flyers

1. San Jose Sharks
8. Colorado Avalanche

4. Phoenix Coyotes
5. Detroit Red Wings

3. Vancouver Canucks
4. LA Kings

2. Chicago Blackhawks Guido's pick West, Stanley Cup winner
7. Nashville Predators

More Recent Pulls and Such

07 Bowman Miguel Montero rookie auto 347/500. 04 Skybox Marlon Byrd auto.

09 SP David Patton Letter auto rookie 36/100. 2010 Topps Geo Soto jersey

2010 Topps Johnny Mize hat patch 81/99. D Lee 2006 Flair Showcase jersey

2006 Topps '52 Josh Kinney and Ryan O'Malley rookie card autos

2010 Topps Finest Eric Hacker auto letter patch, 104/217. 08 SP Brian McCann jersey.

08 Upper Deck Chipper Jones jersey,08 UD SP Brent Lillibridge auto

Topps 2010 Fight Mat Relics of UFC LightWeight Champ Frankie Edgar and middle weight contender Alan Belcher. The Belcher is a bronze, 53/88. Ryan Bader Tapout shirt relic. Doesn't smell like sweat...

Dear Ben, Love Terry

By: Guido (Video starts after 30 second ad)

Roethlisberger is an idiot, simply put. Not that Bradshaw is a genius but he did manage to keep his ass and weiner out of trouble. I suppose we will find out later today what Roger Goodell thinks.

Why The Astros Remain Winless

By: Guido

Is that Susan Boyle behind Mike Hampton?

Monday, April 12, 2010

2010 Cubs Home Opener

By: Guido

Today is the Cubs home opener for 2010. They'll be playing the Brewers and I'll be there watching on my tv. I haven't been to a Cubs game in years as they are quite expensive and usually a disappointment. And then there are the drunken buffoons running free about the friendly confines. Maybe if they are out of things by mid summer, i can get some cheap tickets.

Home openers against the Brewers are usually pretty good. Remember that one time when Fukudome hit a triple in his first at bat and then went yard in the 9th to tie it and we still lost?! That was awesome. That stands right up there with other great Chicago sports moments like Devin Hester returning the kick off for a touchdown in the super bowl and when the Bulls fired Scott Skiles (boy, that wasn't a mistake). If you plan on rooting for a Chicago based team, don't plan on having championship memories, just dreams. You won't remember the good times, only the bad ones. For every Mark Grace, Greg Maddux, Walter Payton, Michael Jordan and Frank Thomas there's a Milton Bradley, Brian Cox, Dennis Rodman, Dusty Baker, Kerry Wood, Rex Grossman, Cedric Benson, Jay Mariotti... Just a warning. At least the Blackhawks have officially waken up from years of frustration.

However, being a Chicago fan sure beats the hell out of rooting for any St. Louis based team.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Recent Pulls and Finds

By: Guido

Topps needs to work on their photo shop skills next time around. These few cards from their 2010 Opening Day set look atrocious.

Let the Tyler Colvin era begin. 2010 Topps Heritage rookie

2010 Topps Finest Tyler Colvin Auto letter patch 11/217. The only card in this post that I didn't get from a pack. Good ol' EBAY.

Pulled this Topps Opening Day Daniel Bard Auto from a dollar pack at Wal-Mart.

First Fantasy Baseball Mistake of 2010

By: Guido

Well, it didn't take long for my most hyped player of 2010 to hurt all four of my teams. D'backs catcher Miguel Montero was placed on the 15-day DL for a sprained right knee. An MRI from Saturday night showed a torn meniscus. And of course there isn't a time table for his return. Shit. In one league I was smart enough to take a back-up, Geo Soto... Or maybe that's dumb enough. Oh well. Hopefully he isn't out too long. He was gonna be my sleeper guy all year. My smart pick. There's still a chance yet though.

UFC 113 on May 18th

Main Card
Light Heavyweight Championship bout: Lyoto Machida (c) vs. Mauricio Rua
Welterweight bout: Josh Koscheck vs. Paul Daley
Lightweight bout: Sam Stout vs. Jeremy Stephens
Heavyweight bout: Kimbo Slice vs. Matt Mitrione
Middleweight bout: Patrick Côté vs. Alan Belcher

Preliminary Card
Middleweight bout: Tim Credeur vs. Tom Lawlor
Welterweight bout: Marcus Davis vs. Jonathan Goulet
Welterweight bout: TJ Grant vs. Johny Hendricks
Heavyweight bout: Joey Beltran vs. Chad Corvin
Welterweight bout: Yoshiyuki Yoshida vs. Mike Guymon
Middleweight bout: Nick Catone vs. John Salter

Anderson Silva vs. Brock Lesnar

Dana White,

You DO NOT owe UFC fans an apology for Anderson Silva's performance. Nor do you have to make it up to us. Anderson owes the fans an apology. And not through that shit head interpreter/manager/ass kisser of his, Ed Soares. The last thing we need is some second hand apology. In my opinion, Silva doesn't care about the UFC or it's fans. And he probably doesn't give two shits about his own fans. I have never been a Silva fan but I do appreciate what he can do in the Octagon, I just wonder if we will ever see it.

Maybe Silva needs a challenge. I don't mean that in a light heavyweight way or even a match with GSP. I'm talking about Brock Lesnar. Why not? Hell, Anderson thinks he's so damn great and wonderful... Oh but I'm only dreaming. That piece of shit Ed Soares would shoot that down in a hot second because he knows Anderson would get is ass handed to him. But it would be vindication for all of us who had to sit through that fight last night. I think this would be the only time I would ever root for Lesnar, unless he was fighting Fedor.

This was the first Silva headlined PPV I've purchased. I'm not too happy about it the way it ended either. Neither were any of my friends. But we aren't mad at the UFC. We are mad at Anderson Silva. He's a piece of trash... And we want to see Brock Lesnar take out the trash.


Guido and the Sports Jerks Staff

More Dana on Silva's Performance

Dana White on Anderson Silva's UFC 112 Performance

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Soriano Situation

By: Guido

I'm hearing alot of Cubs fans bitching about Lou not playing Tyler Colvin over Alfonso Soriano. Well what the hell? They are paying Soriano too much dough to just put his ass on the bench. Soriano may indeed be on his last legs as a professional ball player but he still has five years left on his contract. Thats $18 mil per year too. You really think the Cubs are gonna sit an $18 mil a yer guy on the bench?

They have to play him. They have to get whatever is left in the tank. Hendry could try and trade him but who would want him? He has an expensive contract, he can't hit or field and he has an attitude. Who I ask you? Who?
Seattle did fall for it earlier this year when they trade Carlos Silva to the Cubs for Milton Bradley but I doubt that would work again. Unless it's Bradley for Soriano but that just seems worse to me.

And it may be to early yet in the season to jump the gun on Colvin. Every organization has their top prospects that fans salivate over. Just because Jason Heyward hit a dong on opening day doesn't guarantee he will ever be worth shit. Marty Cordova...Ben Grieve...Scott Williamson...Jason Jennings just to name a few. Hell even Kerry Wood ended up never being the type of player he was anticipated to be.

So, let's just play Soriano in left and hope to hell that he will start to hit the ball. That's all we need. Colvin isn't going anywhere soon. And we'll need him to back up center and right if Nady can't.

UFC 112 Predictions

I know it's started already, since it's live from Abu Dhabi, so I'm just gonna pick the main card.

Main Card
Middleweight bout: Kendall Grove vs. Mark Munoz
Guido says: Grove by tko
Lightweight bout: Terry Etim vs. Rafael dos Anjos
Guido says: dos Anjos by decision
Welterweight bout: Matt Hughes vs. Renzo Gracie
Guido says: Hughes by split decision
Lightweight Championship bout: B.J. Penn (c) vs. Frankie Edgar
Guido says: Penn by KO
Middleweight Championship bout: Anderson Silva (c) vs. Demian Maia
Guido says: Silva by KO

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Jason Heyward's Bomb

By: Guido

Let's not jump the gun on Jason Heyward quite yet. Many talented prospects have ended up being no more that a Paul Bako sized blip in the history books of MLB. Besides, lots of players have homered in their first MLB at-bat, including:

José Offerman - 2x All-Star, 15yrs in MLB
Dave Eiland - 12-27 5.74 ERA Minors and MLB 1988-2000
Jim Bullinger - 34-41, 5.06 ERA 6yrs MLB
Jay Gainer - .171, 7 hits, 3 HR...all in 1993
Mitch Lyden - .300 lifetime BA in his 6 game career
Rusty Greer - Inducted in Texas Rangers HOF, .305 career AVG
Garey Ingram
Jon Nunnally
Jermaine Dye
Dustin Hermanson
Brad Fullmer
Marlon Anderson
Carlos Lee
Guillermo Mota
Esteban Yan
Alex Cabrera
Keith McDonald
Chris Richard
Gene Stechschulte
Marcus Thames
Miguel Olivo
Dave Matranga
Kaz Matsui
Hector Luna
Greg Dobbs
Andy Phillips
Mike Jacobs
Jeremy Hermida
Mike Napoli
Adam Wainwright
Ryan Roberts
Kevin Kouzmanoff
Charlton Jimerson
Josh Fields
Elijah Dukes
Mark Worrell
Lou Montañez
Mark Saccomanno
Jordan Schafer
Gerardo Parra
John Hester

This list dates back as far as 1895 but I only included players as early as 1990. By the looks of this list, Heyward has a shot to be decent. I got tired of detailing all the player info, by the way.

Cubs Opening Day Stinker

By: Guido

The Cubs another opening day game? Well, of course they did. But don't blame it on the umps.

Sure, it was easy to see Nate McLouth drop the ball during the replay of his diving catch, but that doesn't matter. It's not the replay that makes the ruling. it's the umpire. And if he didn't see it, then that's just the way it is. The game has always worked well without instant replay so let's keep the game the way it is. I know Aramis Ramirez says he saw McLouth drop the ball, but that means jack shit compared to what the ump called. Ramirez's responsibility as a base runner is to know what the ump has called.

In the end, blame the loss on Carlos Zambrano's good tempered pitching and the Braves' timely hitting. Hey, sometimes that's just the way it goes. you can't win them all. Cubs fans should know that by now.


By: Guido

The National Title game was indeed a good one. Now, just imagine if Duke actually committed fouls, which we know they don't! Butler would have won! But of course, Duke plays clean basketball because that's the way Coach K likes it. He doesn't like it dirty.

I feel like this game was set-up from the start. I have never seen such ticky-tacky fouls called against one team. I know the NCAA and ESPN and the shit heads at Cameron want Duke as the champion, but FUCK. For as bad as that game was officiated, it amazes me that Butler hung in there until the last second.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Opening Day: I Love It

By: Harvey

Today was the real opening day across Major League Baseball . . . otherwise known as my favorite day of the year. Especially when the Braves knock the living shit out of the Cubs and their psychopathic head case of an ace — otherwise known as Carlos Zambrano.

Unfortunately, the Cardinals also won, something for which I can never root. If the Cardinals were playing an exhibition game against the Hitler Youth All-Stars, I'd have a hard time deciding which team to support. Kind of like Duke in this national championship game tonight.

One of the stories on ESPN was about McGwire not getting booed in Cincinnati. Big f-ing deal. He'll catch his fair share of shit in Chicago, I'd guess. At this point, I'm guessing most folks in Cincy don't even care enough to boo, anyway. They're too busy taking out their frustration on the crap team their home team trots out on the field day after day. I'd imagine there were more Cardinals fans there, anyway.

Pujols is an animal, though. That son of a bitch is not human.

Now we have to endure tomorrow, when for some reason most teams take a day off. I don't get why they do this. If they're going to all take a day off, I wish they'd take the day of the NCAA title game instead. Tomorrow is going to suck worse than the Cubs did today in Atlanta.

A Treat

By: Guido

Why is it such a goddamn treat for baseball fans to have the Yankees and Red Sox open the season?

It's not. I do not care about the Red Sox or the Yankees. Only Red Sox fans and Yankees fans care about those teams. They watch the games...and how lucky they are that all of those games are nationaly televised.

Why not mix it up year to year and show some different teams on the opening night. I don't think it's fair to assume that every baseball fan wants to watch the goddamn Red Sox and Yankees all the time.

Why does ESPN think that by catering to all those east coast loving asshole fans, they are catering to everybody? Goddamn how about some variety? How about a one year ban on the Yankees, Red Sox, UNC, Duke, Celtics, Patriots, Knicks, Giants and Woody Fuckin Paige and Jay Fuckin Mariotti. Let's just throw the goddamn Steelers and that whole organization in their too. Too many questionable characters for me on that team. Put Tiger in their too.

Now if you cut all that out of your regular Sportscenter or ESPNews, you are left with a couple NHL or NBA highlights and the usual boring as hell tennis updates...

Im just so tired of the shit.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Brown Out: Bears Release Alex Brown

By: Guido

It's official. Alex Brown is no longer a Chicago Bear. He won't be a free agent for long. Somebody will get suckered by him.

Cubs Finalize Roster

By: Guido

The Cubs released veteran Kevin Millar and give their final roster spot to Chad Tracy. James Russell received the final bullpen spot. Russell was a non-roster invitee. Angel Guzman did make the final roster, however, he will be having shoulder surgery and is out indefinitely. The is a possibility that he may not pitch again.

# Catchers
55 Koyie Hill
18 Geovany Soto
# Infielders
28 Jeff Baker
17 Mike Fontenot
25 Derrek Lee
16 Aramis Ramirez
2 Ryan Theriot
9 Chad Tracy
# Outfielders
24 Marlon Byrd
21 Tyler Colvin*
1 Kosuke Fukudome
22 Xavier Nady
12 Alfonso Soriano
# Pitchers
64 Justin Berg*
33 Esmailin Caridad*
46 Ryan Dempster
32 Tom Gorzelanny
43 John Grabow
37 Angel Guzman
30 Ted Lilly-DL
49 Carlos Marmol
45 Sean Marshall
29 Jeff Samardzija
52 Carlos Silva
36 Randy Wells
38 Carlos Zambrano


MLB Fantasy news and notes: April 1st

By: Guido

Jose Reyes, Ian Kinsler, Joe Blanton, Huston Street and Lance Berkman will all open the season on the DL.

The Texas Rangers have acquired Ryan Garko off waivers from Seattle.

Corey Patterson has opted out of his minor league deal and is now a free agent. Talk about a bust. The Cubs seem to have a way to over hype their talent.

In Sports Jerks NL or SPNL, The gestapo made a couple of excellent moves by dropping Micheal Stanton and adding Franklin Morales and Matt Lindstrom.

In Sports Jerks 2010 or SP10, Pudge, Jermaine Dye, Griffey Jr., Madison Bumgarner and Joba all became free agents. Dye is currently team less while Bumgarner will start the season in triple-a.

Cards tarde Lugo

By: Guido

Julio Lugo was traded today to Baltimore for cash or a player to be named.

This works well for Lugo who will now get an opportunity to play almost everyday. Lugo will be backing up Brian Roberts at second, Cesar Izturis at short and Miguel Tejada at third. The Cardinals will use Felipe Lopez as their infield back-up.

This kills the proposed Cubs/Orioles deal that would have sent Jeff Baker or Mike Fontenot to Baltimore for middle reliever Matt Albers.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dana White post conference UFC 111

trade proposal

by: Guido

I got offered a trade in Sports Jerks 2010: The Mixed League. Let's take a look:

woohoo! trades
Martín Prado
Carlos Quentin
Juan Pierre
Jake Peavy
Mariano Rivera
John Lackey

Guido trades
Ryan Braun
Everth Cabrera
Mike Fontenot
Ryan Raburn
Buster Posey
Wade Davis

To me, this is a horrible deal. So my answer is Thanks, but no thanks.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Here's to you, Urban Meyer

By: Harvey

Urban Meyer . . . if you read this, ol' Harv has some advice: eat shit and die.

After all, what else would I say to a guy who made a blatant asshole of himself by taking a reporter (Jeremy Fowler of the Orlando Sentinel) to task for printing a quote from Florida wideout Deonte Thompson that was perceived to be a dig at former Jesus-loving Gator Tim Tebow.

Thompson praised John Brantley, Florida's QB-in-waiting, for being more of a pure pocket passer as opposed to Tebow's "running back who occasionally throws" style of play. Thompson's point seemed to be that it was easier to get in a rhythm with Brantley, since you pretty much know he isn't going to leave the pocket, but in a poor choice of words referred to Brantly as a "real quarterback."

Now, keep in mind that Fowler didn't misquote Thompson -- that has never been an issue. Meyer's problem seems to be that Fowler had the nerve to print such a quote, rather than acting as nothing more than a PR officer for the university, forgetting he ever conducted the interview and saving the dignity of poor, widdle Timmy Tebow.

Well, fuck you Urban Meyer.

The blame for this entire fiasco falls squarely on the head of Thompson, and nobody else. He's the one you should be angry with, yet you're too big of a vagina to discipline one of your own recruits, whose ass you surely had to lovingly lick just to get him on campus.

So instead, you take it out on some reporter who did nothing more than his job. Some poor schlub in the evil media, which is easy to blame for all the world's problems. People love to piss and moan about the media, after all. Plenty of sheeplike dipshits heard this story and immediately took Meyer's side, no doubt.

Maybe Urban should take a longer leave of absence this time and take a long look at what a prick he has become. While he's at it, maybe he should realize that Tim Tebow was NOT a "real quarterback". We'll all figure that one out for sure after some dim-witted NFL club drafts his sorry ass four rounds too soon and can never get any more than a good pre-game prayer out of him.

If I was Fowler, I wouldn't have accepted your apology, either. I would've told you to shove your apology up your fucking ass, then I would've helped you get it up there courtesy of my foot.

Sports Jerks NBA Fantasy League Final set

For the Fantasy Final Championship features a one vs a two seed:
1. Guy#13On12PlayerTeam vs. 2. Tuscaloosa Dumpling

Third place game features the 3 and 4 seeds:
3. Count Chocula vs. 4. Blind Marlins

Lesnar vs Carwin

By: Guido

It doesn't matter the opponent, Lesnar will still beat him to a bloody pulp.

I don't know what the hell happened to Mir Saturday night but he was shit. that's one of those...hmmm...9 out of 10 times, Mir wins that fight. this just happened to be that one time. I wasn't impressed with Carwin. I was shocked as to how ineffective Mir was. Mir put up a better fight in his loss to Lesnar last summer.

I guess there is the possibility that Mir was training for Lesnar all along with giving a second thought to Carwin. It's just a thought.

I know Cain Velasquez is waiting in the wings for his shot, but i think Dana will have him fight someone in the meantime and that's probably gonna be Mir.

Of all the heavyweights in the UFC, Mir has the best shot at beating Lesnar. Of all the heavyweights in the world...again, Mir. Not Fedor. Not Sylvia. Not Rogers. No one can or will beat Brock Lesnar.

Peppers forces Brown out

By: Guido

With the Bears upgrading at DE with Julius Peppers, Alex Brown is now expendable. The Seahawks have shown interest in Brown but not his lame ass $5 million a year deal.

GSP, of course.

By: Guido

As predicted, GSP rolled through Dan Hardy, who failed to land anything. Clearly Hardy wasn't the right choice of opponent for Georges. I do have to give Hardy credit for not tapping when GSP had him in an arm bar and when GSP had a nasty ass kimura on him. That was crazy and made the fight entertaining for some of the 25 minutes. But, in the end, Hardy just wasn't up to GSP's level. It goes to show that you can shit talk all you want but isn't not gonna make up for lack of skill or lack of preparation.

So who's next for Georges? My thinking is former Purdue wrestling captain Jon Fitch(22-3-3). Fitch has dominated every opponent he's had in the UFC which has lead to an impressive record of 12 wins and 1 loss under UFC contract. That one loss came at the hands of GSP at UFC 87. GSP won the fight easily with Fitch by unanimous decision(50-43, 50-44, 50-44).

What Dana White wants is for Fitch to fight his teammate, Josh Koscheck, to determine the number one contender for GSP. When asked after UFC 111, Fitch replied, "I wouldn't be open to that."

Dana White's thoughts, “He doesn’t want the title shot that bad then.”

Apparently Thiago Alves and Paul Daley are also in the mix. Alves last fight was a loss to GSP at UFC 100. Paul Daley has the same game as Dan Hardy and they are both loud mouth Brits. Daley beat Dustin Hazelett by KO at UFC 108 and will face Josh Koscheck at UFC 113: Machida vs Shogun 2.


by: Guido

This is it? These are the final four teams? I'm bored to tears with this. I like the Cinderella stories but I don't like them to carry on this far into the tournament. Can we have a do-over?

I suppose I'll cheer for Duke but only because the teams I root for lose, I hate Coach K. Such a cock he is.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Guido's All Decade MLB Team

There are a lot of factors to, uh...factor in to an all decade team. Individual performers, team chemistry and steroids. I'm gonna try and just forget about the roid abusers and just create an all around good team. No DH. That's not baseball.

Catcher - Jorge Posada
First Base - Albert Pujols
Second Base - Jeff Kent
Third Base - Chipper Jones
Short Stop - Derek Jeter
Left Field - Barry Bonds. Unfortunately, Bonds was never tested and if he was, yes he's test positive...but the alternative is Manny he did test positive.
Center Field - Carlos Beltran
Right Field - Ichiro Suzuki
Pitching Rotation - Randy Johnson, Roy Halladay, Pedro Martinez, Johan Santana and Roy Oswalt
Closer - Mariano Rivera

NFL News and Musings

by: Lovie-able Loser

Ben Roethlisberger should just be tossed in jail for a while. The guy is obviously an idiot. He can't keep his hands to himself, his dick in his pants and a helmet on his head. When you're a famous and rich athlete, what or who gives you the right to do whatever the fuck you want? He hasn't learned his lesson by now so I doubt he ever will. How many chances does the guy need? Just get rid of him already, Goodell.

The Eagles are willing to listen to offers for all of their qb's. Did you hear that, Cleveland? You could have had McNabb! But now your stuck with Delhomme. Good Luck.

It looks like the Bears will be in Dallas for the Thanksgiving game. Hopefully they don't suck it up like they did back in 2004. Remember that game? The Bears used all three quarterbacks that game and only lost 21-7 to Dallas. Here are those sick names; Chad Hutchison, Craig Krenzel and Jonathan Quinn...YIKES! Grossman was injured 2 months earlier at Minny. 5-11 season. The Bears also signed Jeff George later that season after Krenzel left the Dallas game with a shoulder injury.

The Lions are interested in Pacman Jones. Let that be a warning to all those fine gentleman's clubs in Detroit...

The new overtime policy is ridiculous. How hard is it to come up with something that works and makes sense? Why can't they just play an extra quarter(s) until one team is winning when time expires? Doesn't that make sense?

Cubs Rotation Pretty Much Set

by: Guido

I think it's safe to say that the Cubs Opening Day rotation will look like this:

1. Carlos Zambrano
2. Ryan Dempster
3. Randy Wells
4. Tom Gorzelanny
5. Carlos Silva

Ted Lilly should be back and ready to enter the rotation by mid-April, sending Gorzelanny to the bullpen. If Gorzelanny has and trouble, expect Sean Marshall to take over before Lilly gets back.

Some Cardinals notes for today:

Yadier left the game vs Orioles with a strained oblique and will be examined Thursday...Rich Hill, who is competing for the fitch rotation spot, had a awful first inning. 2BB, wild pitch, RBI single, and he beaned the Ump.

Late Additions to Fantasy Leagues

There has been a couple late additions to Sports Jerks 2010 league

SCC2012, I Have a Horse and woohoo! 1 Nut Kruk has left the league with out any notice. Somehow, it filled itself back up. Thanks!

Also, I had a team back out of the NL only league. Not sure which one it was but "Fuck The Cubs" by Chris will take over.

Mixed league draft is tomorrow at 10:45 AM!
NL Only on Sat at 5pm

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Edmonds the Brewer

by: Guido

It's funny to see Jim Edmonds in a Brewers jersey. The problem isn't the team because we know that the most awkward jersey was his Cubs one, it's the name on it. Brewers.

Now we all know Jim is all for the partying lifestyle, hanging at the bars with "the guys" and the occasional anal sexing. So, why a team named after a term used for beer makers? Don't you think Edmonds would fit in better with a team called The Mojitos? Or appletinis?

Let's narrow down a list of team that Jim could play for without feeling...out of his comfort zone.

1. I could see Jim playing for the Dress Socks but not the Red Sox or White Sox.
2. Apparently God hates gays so the Angels are out.
3. Snakes are scary and fish are slimey. That takes care of the D'Backs and Marlins.
4. Daddy issues? See ya, Padres.
5. What? No facial hair includes mustaches? Oh heavens. Yankess are eliminated.
6. Wrigley Field: World's Biggest Gay Bar is so 2008.
7. Toronto is too cold for drag.

Ok. So that leaves the Orioles, Rays, Indians, Tigers, Royals, Twins, Athletics, Rangers, Mariners, Braves, Mets, Phillies, Nationals, Rockies, Dodgers, Giants, Reds, Astros, Pirates and Cardinals. Let's continue, shall we?

8. Never been a big fan of scalping because then what's the use of hair gel? I know that not all injuns, excuse me, Native Americans scalp but dammit just go with it. Bye Bye Braves and mmm mmm mmm Grady Sizemore's Indians.
9. Philly is too violent. Plus Philly cheese steak makes me gassy.
10. Only one man in Denver and that's Kyle Orton. There's too much skirt in Colorado. However, Brady Quinn just moved into town...
11. Texas Rangers are hot but Chuck Norris just doesn't do it for me.
12. Baltimore only has room for one gay great, Cal Ripkin, Jr.
13. On paper the Mets look great but on the field, they're just too soft.
14. Does this space suit make me look fat? Holy Narciso Brief Bikini, this center field is huge!
15. Piazza is gone and that's a messy divorce. No No to Mannywood.
17. San Fran is too cliche. I mean come on. Plus all those Giants players are U.G.L.Y.
18. Love and politics don't mix. Though, the Washington monument does look like a penis.
19. Too much crime in Detroit. Plus Johnny Damon just took over. That city is dead anyway.

Catching up, that leaves the Pirates, Reds, Cardinals, Athletics, Royals and Twins. That's a good list. 3 from each league. State your case!

1. Jim has always looked good in red. 1 point for the Cards and Reds.
2. Hello?! Mall of America in Minnny! Point Twins
3. Uh? Butt Pirates? Sorry Pittsburgh. Look on the bright side though, it's one less person in the city for Big Ben to try and molest.
4. Royals! Royalty! We have a shiney gold crown in our logo! But considering their budget, it's probably from a 25 cent machine. Next!
5. Billy Beane likes the boys! Point A's
6. Pujols has such strong hands. It's a your mouth! 2 more for StL
7. And...Twins!

Ok so there you have it. The Cardinals are the perfect fit for Jim Edmonds in the NL and the Twins for the AL. I know what you're thinking. "That's soooo prejudice against gays. How can you say things like that"? Well let me tell you something. My best friend, my BEST friend is a quarter Asian and that's close enough. Good night.

Unofficial Trailer for UFC 114

Golden God named starter

By: Sterling Swatch

Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels has named Kyle Orton as the starter in Denver but he will let Brady Quinn compete for the job. Tom Brandstater, the third stringer, will sit back and watch because he sucks.

More Hype for UFC 114

By: Guido

This is where it all began. UFC 96. Jackson vs Jardine.

Rampage was supposed to get a shot at Rashad, however, Rampage suffered torn ligaments in his jaw from the Jardine fight that required surgery and five weeks without contact. That gave Machida the title shot, which he took full advantage of by beating down Rashad in round 2 at UFC 98. Rampage and Rashad then both went on to coach season 10 of TUF. That's when all the trash talking went down. Then, they were supposed to fight at UFC 107 last December but Rampage abruptly "retired" from fighting to film the A-Team movie. He eventually came to his senses and now Rashad and Rampage will get it on at UFC 114. Finally!

UFC 114: Rampage vs. Rashad

by: Guido

May 29th, 2010 Las Vegas Nevada

It's official. Rampage and Rashad will meet at UFC 114 this may. Forrest Griffin will take on Antonio Rogerio Nogueira in a light heavyweight bout.

MMA fans have waited long and patiently for this epic grudge match. I want to see Rashad's head land in the 5th row MGM Grand Garden Arena.

UFC 111 Intro Video

UFC 111: March 27, 2010 Newark, Jew Jersey

Main Card
Welterweight Championship bout: Georges St. Pierre vs. Dan Hardy
Guido says: GSP by unanimous decision
Interim Heavyweight Championship bout: Frank Mir vs. Shane Carwin
Guido says: Mir by submission
Welterweight bout: Ben Saunders vs. Jake Ellenberger
Guido says: Saunders by submission
Welterweight bout: Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves
Guido says: Fitch by decision
Lightweight bout: Jim Miller vs. Mark Bocek
Guido says: Miller by submission

Spike TV Card
Welterweight bout:
Nate Diaz vs. Rory Markham
Guido says: Diaz by submission
Welterweight bout: Ricardo Almeida vs. Matt Brown
Guido says: Almeida by ko

Preliminary Card
Lightweight bout:
Kurt Pellegrino vs. Fabricio Camoes
Guido says: Pellegrino by decision
Light Heavyweight bout: Rodney Wallace vs. Jared Hamman
Guido says: Hamman by ko
Middleweight bout: Rousimar Palhares vs. Tomasz Drwal
Guido says: Drwal by decision
Welterweight bout: Matthew Riddle vs. Greg Soto
Guido says: Soto by decision
Notes: Martin Kampmann was replaced by Jake Ellenberger due to a deep cut suffered in training by Kampmann...The winner of Mir/Carwin will likely fight Lesnar when he returns this summer...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Memphis Blues

by: Guido

The Memphis Tigers must vacate it's 38 win season from 07-08 after their appeal was rejected by the NCAA. This all goes back to the accusation that Derrick Rose was an ineligible player because of an invalidated SAT score in 2008. Good ol' John Calipari, he sure knows how to run a program...into the ground. Sure Rose is at fault as well but Calipari screwed over UMass many years ago in a similar situation. I can't wait to see how he got John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins and how bad he fucked over Kentucky. A year from now and I'm sure we will know the details. If Kentucky has to forfeit a National Championship, does it then go to the runner-up or is it just vacated? Because Northern Iowa would make a sweet champion.

That's Nuts!

By: Guido

Dream 13 took place Monday night in Japan, which is kinda like the future here since it's early afternoon. Josh Barnett vs Mighty Mo proved to be a boring and forgettable affair...except for the nut shots! Barnett connected with Might Mo's man purse twice in the fight before finally ending the match with and arm lock which forced Mo to tap. After the fight, Barnett offered his nuts to Mo, who gladly accepted with his knee.

So...Barnett has tested positive for anabolic steroids three times(2002, 2006 and 2009). My guess is that his nuts are as small as Barry Bonds' wrinkly crinkly sack of skin so he probably didn't even feel it.

Cubs Connections

by: Guido

Don't be surprised if Jeff Baker or Mike Fontenot don't make it to opening day in a Cubs uniform. With Brian Roberts nursing a sore back, Andy MacPhail may use his Cubs connections to swing a deal for either Fontenot or Baker. In return, the Cubs would probably get Matt Albers or Cla Meredith. the Cubs have elected to send SS Sterling Castro to Iowa which means that Theriot is gonna be the opening day starter at short and Fontenot at second. All signs point to Baker as the player Hendry would send to Baltimore. However, if the season gets underway without the deal done, expect the Cubs to eventually start Castro at short and move Theriot to second with Baker and Fontenot as utility/trade bait.

The Cubs have gotten the better of the Bradley/Silva deal. That damn Milton has already been ejected twice this spring! What a joke. Those umps must be racist...or racist Cubs fans, huh Milton? The guy has all the talent in the world but he has got some baggage. I guarantee that if he got some help, anger management what have you, he would be one of the best players in the game. Carlos Silva, on the other hand, has been staying on top of the ball and is being more aggressive on the mound. I'd say the Silva will beat out Samardzija for that 5th spot in the rotation. Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild has been working closely with Silva as has Greg Maddux, who is currently working in the Cubs front office as Hendry's assistant.

If the Cubs do elect to get rid of Hendry after this season, Maddux would probably be the man to take over at GM. If they decide to part ways with Sweet Lou, Ryne Sandberg would seem to be the likely candidate to replace Lou.

I've participated in a few online fantasy mock drafts. I've noticed some very talented Cubs players getting drafted in the last couple rounds or not drafted at all. this list includes Ted Lilly, Marlon Byrd, Soriano, Geo Soto and Fukudome. And yet, Joe Nathan, Stephan Strawsburg and Tim Hudson all getting drafted...Idiots.

Now, I'm not one to get pumped during spring training but I have this excited feeling when it comes to the Cubs new hitting coach Rudy Jaramillo. The Cubs are gonna hit the ball all year. I can see them having 800 runs scored. I know that's Lou's goal. They lead the league in 08 with 855.

I don't see the Cards as any more the NL Central favorite as I do the Cubs. The Cubs are strong offensively and they will be consistent as far as the pitching rotation goes. I'm really looking at Aramis Ramirez to put up a MVP-type of season. Then, if you have healthy versions of Soriano and Lee to go along with 2008 ROY Soto and new additions Marlon Byrd and Xavier Nady...WOW! Look out NL. Now all that won't matter if they don't get strong pitching from the starters. Yes, I know what you're thinking. that formula has worked well for ST. Louis for the past few years. That may be true but the difference is, the Cubs have the potential to have 3 or 4 guys win 15+ games. The Cubs do have a weak bullpen. It's weaker than it's been in a few years and that's gonna hurt them. I'm glad to see Kevin Gregg go but that doesn't mean I trust Carlos Marmol with the game on the line. John Grabow and Sean Marshall are the only guys in that pen that allow me to rest easy. The rest of the pen...sigh..who are they? Caridad? Atkins? Berg? Gray? Science H. Logic, those guys have got some work ahead of them. Lou should go with Carlos Silva as the 5th starter over Tom Gorzelanny and Jeff Samardzija. My thinking is that Gorzelanny can be a top starter on a team but only if that teams plays in D.C., Pittsburgh or Baltimore. With Samardzija, I think he will be a starter eventually but he needs some more time at Iowa starting, not Chicago.

The Cardinals do not look strong offensively and are very weak throughout the infield. Yeah, they've got Pujols and Holliday and Molina but they have some question marks when it comes to Freese, Ryan and Rasmus. And they've got a couple of guys that need to prove that they are major league talent in Skip Schumaker and Ryan Ludwick. And of course there's Mark McGwire in the mix, who will serve as the hitting coach and could possibly be added to the roster come September. I would love to see this guy bat and strike out every time or at least hit a few weak choppers to short. In my opinion, they would be better off having Felipe Lopez play everyday but shift between second, short and third. Or at least move Julio Lugo for a back-up center/right fielder. The Cards staring rotation is better than the Cubs but that's only if Carpenter stays healthy. Wainwright is one of the best in baseball and Lohse is pitching out his ass. Brad Penny is gonna need some help regaining his old form and that's what Duncan intends to do. They haven't made an official 5th starter yet, though Mitchel Boggs will probably take it. And what happened to the PJ Walters guy? The bullpen is strong though. It's one of the best in baseball. Kinney and McClellan are two of the better relievers in the league. The question mark is Ryan Franklin. I don't know how long that guy can keep it up...I wouldn't think much longer. Isn't about DUI time anyway?