UFC 94

By: Guido

Is it a bad thing that the UFC markets every other PPV as "the biggest fight in MMA history"? Well, probably not for them because they are making shit tons of cash. And as long as they are correct in saying that, then I won't care and I'll buy the PPV. I', still going to be looking forward to Lesnar vs Mir this spring but Pierre/Penn II should hold me over. The show has shaped up to possibly be a badd ass show from start to finish.

Main Card
Welterweight Championship bout: Georges St-Pierre vs. BJ Penn
Guido says: I cannot pick a winner of this fight. I find myself cheering for Penn because everyone I've talked to is supporting GSP. If the real BJ Penn shows up, consider this fight over. Both fighters sometimes forget to bring their "A game" and if that occurs on Saturday night, then GSP should be able to outlast Penn. Its a coin flip.
Light Heavyweight bout: Lyoto Machida vs. Thiago Silva
Guido says:Both fighters are 13-0. The quality of Machida's victories (Rich Franklin, Tito Ortiz, BJ Penn, Sokoudjuo, Stephan Bonner) are a who's who in MMA as where Silva's wins (Houston Alexander, James Irvin) kinda makes you say "eh". I expect Machida to continue his methodical fighting technique to keep Silva at bay and look for submission opportunities. Machida by decision.
Light Heavyweight bout: Stephan Bonnar vs. Jon Jones
Guido says:Jones doesnt have but 6 fights under his belt but I expect him to take it Bonnar and probably knock him out. Bonnar is a good fighter but not a great fighter. Jones by KO.
Welterweight bout: Karo Parisyan vs. Dong Hyun Kim
Guido says: I hate Karo and I hope he loses. That's all the time I have for Karo. Kim by submission.
Lightweight bout: Nate Diaz vs. Clay Guida
Guido says: ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ACTION?!?! Next to the main event, this should be the best fight of the night. Guida pushes the pace and is very relentless. Diaz is a gangsta wanna-be and has a black belt in BJJ under Cesar Gracie. My distaste for Diaz runs deep but he is one hell of mixed martial artist. This is a huge fight for both men, a win would propel either one to the upper deck of the lightweight rankings-at least, it should. Guida has a reputation for giving the crowd what they came to see. Diaz likes to stir shit up. Guida by decision.

Preliminary Card
Welterweight bout: Jon Fitch vs. Akihiro Gono
Guido picks: Fitch by KO
Lightweight bout: Thiago Tavares vs. Manvel Gamburyan
Guido picks: Thiago Tavares by decision
Welterweight bout: John Howard vs. Chris Wilson
Guido picks: Wilson by KO
Heavyweight bout: Jake O'Brien vs. Christian Wellisch
Guido picks: O'Brien by KO
Welterweight bout: Matt Arroyo vs. Dan Cramer
Guido picks: Cramer by decision

Feb 7 - UFC Fight Night: Lauzon vs. Stephens
Feb 21 - UFC 95: Sanchez vs. Stevenson
Mar 7 - UFC 96: Jackson vs. Jardine

What's in a name?

By: Harvey

Today's front page poll on ESPN.com wants to know your favorite Shaquille O'Neal nickname. Your choices are:

— Shaq Daddy

— Shaq Diesel

— The Big Aristotle

— The Big Cactus

— Wilt Chamberneazy

I didn't vote, because my choice, The Big Dumb Motherfucker, apparently didn't make the final cut of choices. Damn it.

AFC/NFC Title Games

By: Guido

Eagles vs. Steelers. That's my pick. It's not what I want. It's what will happen. I'd much rather see the Ravens stifle the Cardinals(they used to play in STL, ya know). But, if the Eaglets and Steelers play, I'd very much enjoy a Eagles victory. A little parity is good for the league. Especially since the Chicago Bears dynasty is starting next year.

The Cardinals could win the Super Bowl and the most remembered moment in their franchise history would still be Denny Green claiming,

"The Bears are what we thought they were, they're what we thought they were. We played them in preaseason, who the hell takes a third game of the preseason like it's bullshit, Bullshit!? We played them in the third game, everybody played three quarters; the Bears are who we thought they were! And that's the way we took the damn field. Now if you wanna crown them, then crown their ass! But they are who we thought they were, and we let 'em off the hook!"

God, fucking priceless. Makes Jim Mora's "Playoffs? Playoffs?" seem like...a shitty beer commercial? Good times.

UFC 93 Franklin vs. Henderson

By: Guido

The sad thing about this PPV is that it really doesn't tweak my interest. I like both Franklin and Henderson but not enough to purchase a show where they are the main event. UFC would have been better off air UFC 93 as a free card on Spike TV. That way they could promote the shit out of UFC 94: St-Pierre vs. Penn 2. Besides, I have a Blackhawks/Blues game on the 17th. Yeah, I'm changing my stance on hockey.

Light Heavyweight bout: Rich Franklin vs. Dan Henderson
Guido says: I don't know who will take this fight. I'd like to see Rich win but I would bet on Hendo.
Light Heavyweight bout: Mark Coleman vs. Mauricio Rua
Guido Says: Rua wins this fight against the old man. Easily.
Middleweight bout: Alan Belcher vs. Denis Kang
Guido says: Kang wins because he spells his first name odd. Should be Fight of the Night.
Welterweight bout: Marcus Davis vs. Chris Lytle
Guido says: Most fans think this will be fight of the night due both fighters liking the stand up game. I hate Marcus Davis. Boo Davis. Lytle wins by KO.
Middleweight bout: Jeremy Horn vs. Rousimar Palhares
Guido says: Horn has icy cold serial killer eyes. However, he has been very inconsistent lately. Horn has an all-time record of 80-18-5. He will lose. Palhares will win by tapout.

UFC 94: St-Pierre vs. Penn 2 * January 31, 2009 * MGM Grand Garden Arena Las Vegas

NFL title game picks

By: Harvey

I haven't been right about much so far this NFL postseason, but I am now here to redeem myself with some conference championship game picks that you can take to the bank*.

The AFC is the tougher pick of the two games, so let me begin by saying I've got the Cardinals over the Eagles as a stone cold lock in the NFC title game. Arizona has all the weapons going right now with one of the best wideouts in the game, Larry Fitzgerald, combined with some incarnation of Edgerrin James that hasn't been seen since his Indianapolis days — although after all his whining about playing time I have to say he is a tremendous dickhead.

Also, Kurt Warner seems to be the same guy he was back in the Greatest Show on Turf days in St. Louis. Imagine that. When he has good receivers to throw to combined with a solid running game and strong offensive line play, Kurt Warner looks like a genius. When he doesn't have those things, he looks like a bum. Maybe all the dumbass Bears fans should keep that in mind when evaluating their quarterbacks.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot the five interceptions Arizona had in their divisional win over Carolina. I've never been as impressed with Jake Delhomme as the general public, but he's still too good to be picked off five times by anything other than a Super Bowl defense.

Even though I recently proclaimed the Giants as your Super Bowl champs, I'm glad they lost to the Eagles. Not because I really like Donovan McNabb, but just because...well...because...hmm. Because fuck New York. That's why. Yeah.

Honestly, I can't get as excited about the AFC as a general rule, although I think the Steelers/Ravens will be an interesting matchup. I also love to watch good defense, so naturally they'll probably figure out a way to score 70 points or so. Just because I like the story, I'll take the rookie quarterback Flacco to take his team to the Super Bowl. For AFC teams, I like both clubs and don't figure you can go wrong with either one...although if Pittsburgh wins, I think it has a better shot at winning the big game than Baltimore does.

I'm just glad the damned Colts and Patriots are sitting at home. Ditto for the Giants and Cowboys. Especially the Cowboys.

*Writer's Note: I will not be held responsible for any financial losses incurred through the utilization of these picks, which will most likely be incorrect.

Baseball tidbits and more

By: Guido

Milton Bradley shall patrol right field for the Cubs this coming season. Unless, of course, Len Kasper or Bob Brenley rub Milton the wrong way. I don't mind Milton. He did a heck of a job for my fantasy team last season. Injuries aside, the guy can hit. Hendry is giving Bradley #21. Reed Johnson will split time with some Japanese player that the Cubs Paid top dollar for last year. Can't recall the name...Choi?

Hey gang, this time in 2012 we will be celebrating Kyle Orton's 3rd NFL MVP win. Just as Harvey predicted. Who won the other, you ask? Some running back by the name Forte.

John Smoltz signed with the Red Sox earlier today. What a dickish thing for a guy who's far from a dick to do. I like John Smoltz. However, I'm growing tired of Boston. And all these Boston fans. New and Old. Fuck'em.

The Brew Crew signed Trevor Hoffman. Anything's better than last year's bullpen.

Let me tell you something hilarious. The St. Louis Cardinals have yet to do shit this off season. With the way all the NL Central teams have improved over the past couple years, the Cards haven't done shit. And if it stays like that, the Cards will be a 5th or 6th place team. The Astros should be their main competitor for the bottom of the barrel. The Reds have alot of young talent and should put alot of that together this spring. The Pirates can only get better and with Ryan Doumit, they will get better. The Brewers will be right there in the wild card hunt come October. The Cubs will win this division. What they do in the playoffs depends on if they can re-learn how to hit, field, and pitch in the time between clinching the division and the start of the NLDS. If they need me to help, I'll be available. I always am. Anyways, i just wanted to point out how funny it is that the Cards are prepping themselves to blow major cock.

Eli > Peyton

By: Harvey

It was brought to my attention by one of our many(?) loyal readers that Peyton Manning was recently named the NFL MVP. This was after I claimed his brother Eli was now the best quarterback in the family.

I'm not wrong. Eli is still the better of the two. When he has Super Bowl ring No. 2 on his finger in a few weeks, I think that'll settle the debate. After all, it's all about winning titles, right? Peyton never could get it done (except for the fluke year known as 2006), and Eli is going to have it done twice in a much smaller time frame.

Peyton will always be No. 1 in terms of selling out, however. The man is a commercial whore. Using a real whore as a basis of comparison, you'd have to use a baseball bat to get any friction on Peyton...and I don't care if we're talking front or rear entry, people. Also, I want it to be clear I'm talking about a 2-3/4" barrel, not a 2-5/8".

Of course, five years from now, we'll be talking about Kyle Orton polishing his third or fourth MVP award. It's only a matter of time before people realize that the Bearded One is truly a god amonst men.

BCS Blows

By: Harvey

I know this isn't an original thought at all, but I hate the goddamn BCS. No matter who wins Thursday between Florida and Oklahoma (a.k.a. the Overrated QB Bowl), I'm not convinced USC isn't the best team in the land. Unfortunately, a loss from September is costing the school a chance at proving it.

What about Utah? Undefeated with quality wins over TCU, BYU...and No. 4 Alabama with it's piece of shit coach Nick Saban. Great college coach, lousy-ass person. Anyway, if I'm a voter I'm voting for USC or Utah for two reasons. No. 1, because anything I could do to fuck up the BCS would be my pleasure. No. 2, because I honestly think either one of these teams is playing the best football RIGHT NOW.

I don't give an antelope turd about things that happened in September. You'll notice that no other professional or college postseason really takes these sort of things into account as much as the BCS does. You'll also notice there isn't near as much bitching about any of these other entities. That's because they aren't fucking bullshit like the BCS.

Unfortunately, I don't know how you fix it. I've heard a lot of suggestions, and none of them seem that much better. Maybe that's why I've never given two flying fucks about college football. Honestly, for the most part the sport is gayer than Clay Aiken with a rubber fist up his asshole.

On this date in 2007...

...Dario Franchitti became the second reigning IndyCar champion to break IRL ranks for a spin with NASCAR. Tony Stewart was the first in 1998. Courtesy: FOX Sports Desk Calender

Yeah, I know. I don't give a fuck either.