Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Dana White post conference UFC 111

trade proposal

by: Guido

I got offered a trade in Sports Jerks 2010: The Mixed League. Let's take a look:

woohoo! trades
Martín Prado
Carlos Quentin
Juan Pierre
Jake Peavy
Mariano Rivera
John Lackey

Guido trades
Ryan Braun
Everth Cabrera
Mike Fontenot
Ryan Raburn
Buster Posey
Wade Davis

To me, this is a horrible deal. So my answer is Thanks, but no thanks.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Here's to you, Urban Meyer

By: Harvey

Urban Meyer . . . if you read this, ol' Harv has some advice: eat shit and die.

After all, what else would I say to a guy who made a blatant asshole of himself by taking a reporter (Jeremy Fowler of the Orlando Sentinel) to task for printing a quote from Florida wideout Deonte Thompson that was perceived to be a dig at former Jesus-loving Gator Tim Tebow.

Thompson praised John Brantley, Florida's QB-in-waiting, for being more of a pure pocket passer as opposed to Tebow's "running back who occasionally throws" style of play. Thompson's point seemed to be that it was easier to get in a rhythm with Brantley, since you pretty much know he isn't going to leave the pocket, but in a poor choice of words referred to Brantly as a "real quarterback."

Now, keep in mind that Fowler didn't misquote Thompson -- that has never been an issue. Meyer's problem seems to be that Fowler had the nerve to print such a quote, rather than acting as nothing more than a PR officer for the university, forgetting he ever conducted the interview and saving the dignity of poor, widdle Timmy Tebow.

Well, fuck you Urban Meyer.

The blame for this entire fiasco falls squarely on the head of Thompson, and nobody else. He's the one you should be angry with, yet you're too big of a vagina to discipline one of your own recruits, whose ass you surely had to lovingly lick just to get him on campus.

So instead, you take it out on some reporter who did nothing more than his job. Some poor schlub in the evil media, which is easy to blame for all the world's problems. People love to piss and moan about the media, after all. Plenty of sheeplike dipshits heard this story and immediately took Meyer's side, no doubt.

Maybe Urban should take a longer leave of absence this time and take a long look at what a prick he has become. While he's at it, maybe he should realize that Tim Tebow was NOT a "real quarterback". We'll all figure that one out for sure after some dim-witted NFL club drafts his sorry ass four rounds too soon and can never get any more than a good pre-game prayer out of him.

If I was Fowler, I wouldn't have accepted your apology, either. I would've told you to shove your apology up your fucking ass, then I would've helped you get it up there courtesy of my foot.

Sports Jerks NBA Fantasy League Final set

For the Fantasy Final Championship features a one vs a two seed:
1. Guy#13On12PlayerTeam vs. 2. Tuscaloosa Dumpling

Third place game features the 3 and 4 seeds:
3. Count Chocula vs. 4. Blind Marlins

Lesnar vs Carwin

By: Guido

It doesn't matter the opponent, Lesnar will still beat him to a bloody pulp.

I don't know what the hell happened to Mir Saturday night but he was shit. that's one of those...hmmm...9 out of 10 times, Mir wins that fight. this just happened to be that one time. I wasn't impressed with Carwin. I was shocked as to how ineffective Mir was. Mir put up a better fight in his loss to Lesnar last summer.

I guess there is the possibility that Mir was training for Lesnar all along with giving a second thought to Carwin. It's just a thought.

I know Cain Velasquez is waiting in the wings for his shot, but i think Dana will have him fight someone in the meantime and that's probably gonna be Mir.

Of all the heavyweights in the UFC, Mir has the best shot at beating Lesnar. Of all the heavyweights in the world...again, Mir. Not Fedor. Not Sylvia. Not Rogers. No one can or will beat Brock Lesnar.

Peppers forces Brown out

By: Guido

With the Bears upgrading at DE with Julius Peppers, Alex Brown is now expendable. The Seahawks have shown interest in Brown but not his lame ass $5 million a year deal.

GSP, of course.

By: Guido

As predicted, GSP rolled through Dan Hardy, who failed to land anything. Clearly Hardy wasn't the right choice of opponent for Georges. I do have to give Hardy credit for not tapping when GSP had him in an arm bar and when GSP had a nasty ass kimura on him. That was crazy and made the fight entertaining for some of the 25 minutes. But, in the end, Hardy just wasn't up to GSP's level. It goes to show that you can shit talk all you want but isn't not gonna make up for lack of skill or lack of preparation.

So who's next for Georges? My thinking is former Purdue wrestling captain Jon Fitch(22-3-3). Fitch has dominated every opponent he's had in the UFC which has lead to an impressive record of 12 wins and 1 loss under UFC contract. That one loss came at the hands of GSP at UFC 87. GSP won the fight easily with Fitch by unanimous decision(50-43, 50-44, 50-44).

What Dana White wants is for Fitch to fight his teammate, Josh Koscheck, to determine the number one contender for GSP. When asked after UFC 111, Fitch replied, "I wouldn't be open to that."

Dana White's thoughts, “He doesn’t want the title shot that bad then.”

Apparently Thiago Alves and Paul Daley are also in the mix. Alves last fight was a loss to GSP at UFC 100. Paul Daley has the same game as Dan Hardy and they are both loud mouth Brits. Daley beat Dustin Hazelett by KO at UFC 108 and will face Josh Koscheck at UFC 113: Machida vs Shogun 2.


by: Guido

This is it? These are the final four teams? I'm bored to tears with this. I like the Cinderella stories but I don't like them to carry on this far into the tournament. Can we have a do-over?

I suppose I'll cheer for Duke but only because the teams I root for lose, I hate Coach K. Such a cock he is.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Guido's All Decade MLB Team

There are a lot of factors to, uh...factor in to an all decade team. Individual performers, team chemistry and steroids. I'm gonna try and just forget about the roid abusers and just create an all around good team. No DH. That's not baseball.

Catcher - Jorge Posada
First Base - Albert Pujols
Second Base - Jeff Kent
Third Base - Chipper Jones
Short Stop - Derek Jeter
Left Field - Barry Bonds. Unfortunately, Bonds was never tested and if he was, yes he's test positive...but the alternative is Manny he did test positive.
Center Field - Carlos Beltran
Right Field - Ichiro Suzuki
Pitching Rotation - Randy Johnson, Roy Halladay, Pedro Martinez, Johan Santana and Roy Oswalt
Closer - Mariano Rivera

NFL News and Musings

by: Lovie-able Loser

Ben Roethlisberger should just be tossed in jail for a while. The guy is obviously an idiot. He can't keep his hands to himself, his dick in his pants and a helmet on his head. When you're a famous and rich athlete, what or who gives you the right to do whatever the fuck you want? He hasn't learned his lesson by now so I doubt he ever will. How many chances does the guy need? Just get rid of him already, Goodell.

The Eagles are willing to listen to offers for all of their qb's. Did you hear that, Cleveland? You could have had McNabb! But now your stuck with Delhomme. Good Luck.

It looks like the Bears will be in Dallas for the Thanksgiving game. Hopefully they don't suck it up like they did back in 2004. Remember that game? The Bears used all three quarterbacks that game and only lost 21-7 to Dallas. Here are those sick names; Chad Hutchison, Craig Krenzel and Jonathan Quinn...YIKES! Grossman was injured 2 months earlier at Minny. 5-11 season. The Bears also signed Jeff George later that season after Krenzel left the Dallas game with a shoulder injury.

The Lions are interested in Pacman Jones. Let that be a warning to all those fine gentleman's clubs in Detroit...

The new overtime policy is ridiculous. How hard is it to come up with something that works and makes sense? Why can't they just play an extra quarter(s) until one team is winning when time expires? Doesn't that make sense?

Cubs Rotation Pretty Much Set

by: Guido

I think it's safe to say that the Cubs Opening Day rotation will look like this:

1. Carlos Zambrano
2. Ryan Dempster
3. Randy Wells
4. Tom Gorzelanny
5. Carlos Silva

Ted Lilly should be back and ready to enter the rotation by mid-April, sending Gorzelanny to the bullpen. If Gorzelanny has and trouble, expect Sean Marshall to take over before Lilly gets back.

Some Cardinals notes for today:

Yadier left the game vs Orioles with a strained oblique and will be examined Thursday...Rich Hill, who is competing for the fitch rotation spot, had a awful first inning. 2BB, wild pitch, RBI single, and he beaned the Ump.

Late Additions to Fantasy Leagues

There has been a couple late additions to Sports Jerks 2010 league

SCC2012, I Have a Horse and woohoo! 1 Nut Kruk has left the league with out any notice. Somehow, it filled itself back up. Thanks!

Also, I had a team back out of the NL only league. Not sure which one it was but "Fuck The Cubs" by Chris will take over.

Mixed league draft is tomorrow at 10:45 AM!
NL Only on Sat at 5pm

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Edmonds the Brewer

by: Guido

It's funny to see Jim Edmonds in a Brewers jersey. The problem isn't the team because we know that the most awkward jersey was his Cubs one, it's the name on it. Brewers.

Now we all know Jim is all for the partying lifestyle, hanging at the bars with "the guys" and the occasional anal sexing. So, why a team named after a term used for beer makers? Don't you think Edmonds would fit in better with a team called The Mojitos? Or appletinis?

Let's narrow down a list of team that Jim could play for without feeling...out of his comfort zone.

1. I could see Jim playing for the Dress Socks but not the Red Sox or White Sox.
2. Apparently God hates gays so the Angels are out.
3. Snakes are scary and fish are slimey. That takes care of the D'Backs and Marlins.
4. Daddy issues? See ya, Padres.
5. What? No facial hair includes mustaches? Oh heavens. Yankess are eliminated.
6. Wrigley Field: World's Biggest Gay Bar is so 2008.
7. Toronto is too cold for drag.

Ok. So that leaves the Orioles, Rays, Indians, Tigers, Royals, Twins, Athletics, Rangers, Mariners, Braves, Mets, Phillies, Nationals, Rockies, Dodgers, Giants, Reds, Astros, Pirates and Cardinals. Let's continue, shall we?

8. Never been a big fan of scalping because then what's the use of hair gel? I know that not all injuns, excuse me, Native Americans scalp but dammit just go with it. Bye Bye Braves and mmm mmm mmm Grady Sizemore's Indians.
9. Philly is too violent. Plus Philly cheese steak makes me gassy.
10. Only one man in Denver and that's Kyle Orton. There's too much skirt in Colorado. However, Brady Quinn just moved into town...
11. Texas Rangers are hot but Chuck Norris just doesn't do it for me.
12. Baltimore only has room for one gay great, Cal Ripkin, Jr.
13. On paper the Mets look great but on the field, they're just too soft.
14. Does this space suit make me look fat? Holy Narciso Brief Bikini, this center field is huge!
15. Piazza is gone and that's a messy divorce. No No to Mannywood.
17. San Fran is too cliche. I mean come on. Plus all those Giants players are U.G.L.Y.
18. Love and politics don't mix. Though, the Washington monument does look like a penis.
19. Too much crime in Detroit. Plus Johnny Damon just took over. That city is dead anyway.

Catching up, that leaves the Pirates, Reds, Cardinals, Athletics, Royals and Twins. That's a good list. 3 from each league. State your case!

1. Jim has always looked good in red. 1 point for the Cards and Reds.
2. Hello?! Mall of America in Minnny! Point Twins
3. Uh? Butt Pirates? Sorry Pittsburgh. Look on the bright side though, it's one less person in the city for Big Ben to try and molest.
4. Royals! Royalty! We have a shiney gold crown in our logo! But considering their budget, it's probably from a 25 cent machine. Next!
5. Billy Beane likes the boys! Point A's
6. Pujols has such strong hands. It's a Holliday...in your mouth! 2 more for StL
7. And...Twins!

Ok so there you have it. The Cardinals are the perfect fit for Jim Edmonds in the NL and the Twins for the AL. I know what you're thinking. "That's soooo prejudice against gays. How can you say things like that"? Well let me tell you something. My best friend, my BEST friend is a quarter Asian and that's close enough. Good night.

Unofficial Trailer for UFC 114

Golden God named starter

By: Sterling Swatch

Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels has named Kyle Orton as the starter in Denver but he will let Brady Quinn compete for the job. Tom Brandstater, the third stringer, will sit back and watch because he sucks.

More Hype for UFC 114

By: Guido

This is where it all began. UFC 96. Jackson vs Jardine.

Rampage was supposed to get a shot at Rashad, however, Rampage suffered torn ligaments in his jaw from the Jardine fight that required surgery and five weeks without contact. That gave Machida the title shot, which he took full advantage of by beating down Rashad in round 2 at UFC 98. Rampage and Rashad then both went on to coach season 10 of TUF. That's when all the trash talking went down. Then, they were supposed to fight at UFC 107 last December but Rampage abruptly "retired" from fighting to film the A-Team movie. He eventually came to his senses and now Rashad and Rampage will get it on at UFC 114. Finally!

UFC 114: Rampage vs. Rashad

by: Guido

May 29th, 2010 Las Vegas Nevada

It's official. Rampage and Rashad will meet at UFC 114 this may. Forrest Griffin will take on Antonio Rogerio Nogueira in a light heavyweight bout.

MMA fans have waited long and patiently for this epic grudge match. I want to see Rashad's head land in the 5th row MGM Grand Garden Arena.

UFC 111 Intro Video

UFC 111: March 27, 2010 Newark, Jew Jersey

Main Card
Welterweight Championship bout: Georges St. Pierre vs. Dan Hardy
Guido says: GSP by unanimous decision
Interim Heavyweight Championship bout: Frank Mir vs. Shane Carwin
Guido says: Mir by submission
Welterweight bout: Ben Saunders vs. Jake Ellenberger
Guido says: Saunders by submission
Welterweight bout: Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves
Guido says: Fitch by decision
Lightweight bout: Jim Miller vs. Mark Bocek
Guido says: Miller by submission

Spike TV Card
Welterweight bout:
Nate Diaz vs. Rory Markham
Guido says: Diaz by submission
Welterweight bout: Ricardo Almeida vs. Matt Brown
Guido says: Almeida by ko

Preliminary Card
Lightweight bout:
Kurt Pellegrino vs. Fabricio Camoes
Guido says: Pellegrino by decision
Light Heavyweight bout: Rodney Wallace vs. Jared Hamman
Guido says: Hamman by ko
Middleweight bout: Rousimar Palhares vs. Tomasz Drwal
Guido says: Drwal by decision
Welterweight bout: Matthew Riddle vs. Greg Soto
Guido says: Soto by decision
Notes: Martin Kampmann was replaced by Jake Ellenberger due to a deep cut suffered in training by Kampmann...The winner of Mir/Carwin will likely fight Lesnar when he returns this summer...

Monday, March 22, 2010

Memphis Blues

by: Guido

The Memphis Tigers must vacate it's 38 win season from 07-08 after their appeal was rejected by the NCAA. This all goes back to the accusation that Derrick Rose was an ineligible player because of an invalidated SAT score in 2008. Good ol' John Calipari, he sure knows how to run a program...into the ground. Sure Rose is at fault as well but Calipari screwed over UMass many years ago in a similar situation. I can't wait to see how he got John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins and how bad he fucked over Kentucky. A year from now and I'm sure we will know the details. If Kentucky has to forfeit a National Championship, does it then go to the runner-up or is it just vacated? Because Northern Iowa would make a sweet champion.

That's Nuts!

By: Guido

Dream 13 took place Monday night in Japan, which is kinda like the future here since it's early afternoon. Josh Barnett vs Mighty Mo proved to be a boring and forgettable affair...except for the nut shots! Barnett connected with Might Mo's man purse twice in the fight before finally ending the match with and arm lock which forced Mo to tap. After the fight, Barnett offered his nuts to Mo, who gladly accepted with his knee.

So...Barnett has tested positive for anabolic steroids three times(2002, 2006 and 2009). My guess is that his nuts are as small as Barry Bonds' wrinkly crinkly sack of skin so he probably didn't even feel it.

Cubs Connections

by: Guido

Don't be surprised if Jeff Baker or Mike Fontenot don't make it to opening day in a Cubs uniform. With Brian Roberts nursing a sore back, Andy MacPhail may use his Cubs connections to swing a deal for either Fontenot or Baker. In return, the Cubs would probably get Matt Albers or Cla Meredith. the Cubs have elected to send SS Sterling Castro to Iowa which means that Theriot is gonna be the opening day starter at short and Fontenot at second. All signs point to Baker as the player Hendry would send to Baltimore. However, if the season gets underway without the deal done, expect the Cubs to eventually start Castro at short and move Theriot to second with Baker and Fontenot as utility/trade bait.

The Cubs have gotten the better of the Bradley/Silva deal. That damn Milton has already been ejected twice this spring! What a joke. Those umps must be racist...or racist Cubs fans, huh Milton? The guy has all the talent in the world but he has got some baggage. I guarantee that if he got some help, anger management what have you, he would be one of the best players in the game. Carlos Silva, on the other hand, has been staying on top of the ball and is being more aggressive on the mound. I'd say the Silva will beat out Samardzija for that 5th spot in the rotation. Cubs pitching coach Larry Rothschild has been working closely with Silva as has Greg Maddux, who is currently working in the Cubs front office as Hendry's assistant.

If the Cubs do elect to get rid of Hendry after this season, Maddux would probably be the man to take over at GM. If they decide to part ways with Sweet Lou, Ryne Sandberg would seem to be the likely candidate to replace Lou.

I've participated in a few online fantasy mock drafts. I've noticed some very talented Cubs players getting drafted in the last couple rounds or not drafted at all. this list includes Ted Lilly, Marlon Byrd, Soriano, Geo Soto and Fukudome. And yet, Joe Nathan, Stephan Strawsburg and Tim Hudson all getting drafted...Idiots.

Now, I'm not one to get pumped during spring training but I have this excited feeling when it comes to the Cubs new hitting coach Rudy Jaramillo. The Cubs are gonna hit the ball all year. I can see them having 800 runs scored. I know that's Lou's goal. They lead the league in 08 with 855.

I don't see the Cards as any more the NL Central favorite as I do the Cubs. The Cubs are strong offensively and they will be consistent as far as the pitching rotation goes. I'm really looking at Aramis Ramirez to put up a MVP-type of season. Then, if you have healthy versions of Soriano and Lee to go along with 2008 ROY Soto and new additions Marlon Byrd and Xavier Nady...WOW! Look out NL. Now all that won't matter if they don't get strong pitching from the starters. Yes, I know what you're thinking. that formula has worked well for ST. Louis for the past few years. That may be true but the difference is, the Cubs have the potential to have 3 or 4 guys win 15+ games. The Cubs do have a weak bullpen. It's weaker than it's been in a few years and that's gonna hurt them. I'm glad to see Kevin Gregg go but that doesn't mean I trust Carlos Marmol with the game on the line. John Grabow and Sean Marshall are the only guys in that pen that allow me to rest easy. The rest of the pen...sigh..who are they? Caridad? Atkins? Berg? Gray? Science H. Logic, those guys have got some work ahead of them. Lou should go with Carlos Silva as the 5th starter over Tom Gorzelanny and Jeff Samardzija. My thinking is that Gorzelanny can be a top starter on a team but only if that teams plays in D.C., Pittsburgh or Baltimore. With Samardzija, I think he will be a starter eventually but he needs some more time at Iowa starting, not Chicago.

The Cardinals do not look strong offensively and are very weak throughout the infield. Yeah, they've got Pujols and Holliday and Molina but they have some question marks when it comes to Freese, Ryan and Rasmus. And they've got a couple of guys that need to prove that they are major league talent in Skip Schumaker and Ryan Ludwick. And of course there's Mark McGwire in the mix, who will serve as the hitting coach and could possibly be added to the roster come September. I would love to see this guy bat and strike out every time or at least hit a few weak choppers to short. In my opinion, they would be better off having Felipe Lopez play everyday but shift between second, short and third. Or at least move Julio Lugo for a back-up center/right fielder. The Cards staring rotation is better than the Cubs but that's only if Carpenter stays healthy. Wainwright is one of the best in baseball and Lohse is pitching out his ass. Brad Penny is gonna need some help regaining his old form and that's what Duncan intends to do. They haven't made an official 5th starter yet, though Mitchel Boggs will probably take it. And what happened to the PJ Walters guy? The bullpen is strong though. It's one of the best in baseball. Kinney and McClellan are two of the better relievers in the league. The question mark is Ryan Franklin. I don't know how long that guy can keep it up...I wouldn't think much longer. Isn't about DUI time anyway?

Sports Jerks Mixed league set!

The 2010 fantasy baseball season is almost underway. The mixed league finally filled up and the draft is probably gonna be Thursday. There are a couple teams from last season in the league. Good luck to you and welcome and good luck to our new teams. Last years champion, Stunnas, will not be returning. So much for a three-peat.

1 Nut Kruk - Gebben
Born_Better_Than_You - Josh
Dewy - Shane
Day Man - Clay
Great Wall of Ivy - Wolf
Hort's Great Success - Jason
Jose's Hammy - JB
Kentucky Snowblowers - TJ
Ritz Bitz Crackers - Ritz
Shrute Farms - Chris
The Dick Beaters - Nico
Whatever - JC


2009 champion: Stunnas
2nd: Anaheim Dreamers 09
3rd: Hurricanes

2008 champion: Stunnas
2nd: Hurricanes
3rd: Beast Ice All-Stars

2007 champion: Rated R Superstar (Ritz Bitz Cracker)
2nd: Las Vegas Tunas
3rd: Hurricanes

2006 champion: Captain Morgan
2nd: Young Gunz
3rd: Cleveland Steamers

Sports Jerks NL league set

Here are the teams for the 2010 season of Sports Jerks NL Only fantasy baseball. This season there are a few new teams so... Welcome and goodluck.

GSH278 - Drew
BellyboyIII - Howard
Wicked - Andrew
Horts Empirical Rule - Jason
Puxatony Piss Antz - Dillion
Itchy Buchholtz - LjO
Kentucky Snowblowers - TJ
The Gestapo - Roberts (2009 Champion)
StLFan - Ryan
Jerkoffs - Whitey(2009 3rd place)
Not in Last Place - MSCP (2008 3rd place)
Mudcrutch - Clay (2nd in 2008 and 2009)


2009 Champion: The Gestapo
2009 2nd: Mudcrutch
2009 3rd: Jerkoffs

2008 Champion: Stunnas
2008 2nd: Mudcrutch
2008 3rd: Pirates rule (not) (aka Not in Last Place)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Illini and NCAA Tourney

by: Guido

With the amount of upsets that have happened thus far, it makes me wonder how well the Illini could have done. I seriously think they could have won a couple games. Especially if they played a Big East team.

Either way, I think the Illini will win the NIT. I know most people don't give a shit about that but it still says something. Look out for this Illini team in the next couple years. They're gonna be pretty good.

He's baaaaaack

by: Guido

The Colts have signed Ron Turner as their WR coach...they don't want to win anymore.

In other NFL news, Rex Grossman signed a one year deal with the Redskins. I wouldn't mind seeing Campbell get hurt and let Rex get some action this coming season.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Sheets Sucks, Pujols/Howard

By: Sterling Swatch

So it appears that Ben Sheets may not be the Sheets of old. Sheets faced ten batters today and gave up ten runs...that's right, he didn't record an out. That's sheety.

Pujols was almost moved to tears today when he heard rumors that the Cards and Phils were looking to make a trade involving Pujols and that Phillies player from the Subway commercials.

When asked for comment, Pujols stated that he wasn't ready to give up La Russa's "merlot tasting cock for Larry Bowa's Philly cheese steak" wang(but don't quote me on that). Besides, everyone knows that Tony La Russa has got the hook-up with steroids. And that beats the hell out of playing in Philly where they throw fucking batteries at you if you start stinking up the joint.

Both Pujols and Ryan Howard will be free agents in 2011. Pujols will then sign with the Yanks and Howard will go to the Red Sox.

Guido's 1 and done teams

By: Guido

Here are my 1 and done teams for the 2010 tourny

Northern Iowa
Georgia Tech

Florida St.

Wake Forest
New Mexico

Texas A&M
St. Mary's

Brady Quinn Traded!

By: Guido

As I said yesterday, Brady Quinn did end up getting traded to...(drum roll please)dududududududududududududududud! The Denver Broncos! Quinn will compete with the Golden God Kyle Orton for the starting position and just between you and me, Quinn doesn't stand a chance. It's the Golden God for cryin out loud.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Tiger Woods on new South Park

New Episode Wednesday, March 17

Browns sign Delhomme

By: Guido

So the Browns signed Jake Delhomme, released Derek Anderson, traded for Seneca Wallace and still have Brady Quinn...

What the hell? Delhomme and Quinn are expected to compete for the starting job with the loser becoming the back-up. So, why trade for Wallace earlier in the week? They knew Delhomme was coming to Cleveland for a visit with the Browns front office and that he would be reasonably cheap...and you've drafted Quinn to be the qb of the future of the Browns...gave Anderson a fat contract 2 years ago...traded for Wallace to be the back-up's back-up...hmmmm.

The only thing I can figure is that the Browns are looking to move Quinn. Maybe Carolina, Buffalo or St. Louis.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Gilbert Arenas to change uni number

By; Guido

Arenas wants to change his jersey number from #0 to #6. As we all know, Gilbert ran into some trouble a couple months ago because he was bringing his guns to the arena in DC. He ended up being suspended for the remainder of the season. Why #6? Six shooter of course.

Gilbert, leave the shooting on the court and your teammates tickets to the gun show at home. But maybe he only has time to sculpt his guns at the office...

Can we see some variations, please

By: Sterling Swatch

Would it kill Topps to show some variations in their products? Quit using the same damn photo for the Clay Guida auto cards. Is the UFC only giving you one photo for him or what? God damnit your product cost so damn much and you're being all lazy and shit with the details of the product. Does Dana know about this? Cause I'm pretty fucking sure he would't be happy about it.

Nomar, Brian Giles hang it up

By: Idiot Kicker

Nomar retired yesterday after signing a one day minor league deal with the Red Sox. It's too bad Nomar was injured so much and easily at the end of his career otherwise he would be a HOF player. He played and was on the DL for the Red Sox, Cubs, Dodgers and A's.

Brian Giles is the Pirates all-time leader in SLG with .591. He is retiring due arthritis in his right knee. He played in the 1997 World Series with the Cleveland Indians.

Nomar and Giles join Frank Thomas and Randy Johnson, among others, who have retired following the 2009 season.

Milton Bradley by Topps

By: Guido

Apparently Topps thought it would be a good idea to commemorate all the funsies that Milton Bradley brought to Chicago last season. This is a 2010 Topps Baseball Series 1 Milton Bradley autographed Peak Performance card.

The front reads, "Cubs August marked by Bradley barrage". The back states, "Four of Bradley's games of three or more hits for the 2009 Cubs came in August, when he caught fire. He posted four-hit performances against the Rockies and Nationals, and logged three in back-to-back affairs against the Mets. Between the 5th and 30th of the month, the switch-hitting right fielder swatted .388 with three home runs and a .985 OPS".

Why did they choose Milton to be in this set? August was the only good month he had and I think most baseball fans knew that Milton wasn't going to be around after October. I find it strange that he would even take time out from finger pointing to sign however many they made. Of all the Cubs players from last season, Topps picks Milton Bradley...I'm pretty confident that this is the only set that will contain a Bradley auto in a Cubs uniform, so that does make the card somewhat special. and I have one. Only cost $4.74 on eBay, which included two other peak performance autos of Franklin Morales and Daniel Schlereth.

UFC Live: Vera vs. Jones

By: Guido

This UFC event is going to be on Versus network, which sucks. not everyone will have a chance to see it...and it's pointless to go to your local Buffalo Wild Wings to watch because you can't hear a damn think because there are some many loud drunk ass fools. Not a fan of BWW. My predictions are as follows:

Main Card
Light Heavyweight bout: Brandon Vera vs. Jon Jones
Vera by decision
Heavyweight bout: Junior dos Santos vs. Gabriel Gonzaga
Gonzaga by ko
Heavyweight bout: Cheick Kongo vs. Paul Buentello
Kongo by tko
Middleweight bout: Alessio Sakara vs. James Irvin
Irvin by decision

Preliminary Card
Lightweight bout: Clay Guida vs. Shannon Gugerty
Guida by tko
Light Heavyweight bout: Eliot Marshall vs. Vladimir Matyushenko
Matyushenko by decision
Welterweight bout: John Howard vs. Daniel Roberts
Howard by submission
Heavyweight bout: Brendan Schaub vs. Chase Gormley
Schaub by split decison
Welterweight bout: Mike Pierce vs. Julio Paulino
Pierce by tko
Light Heavyweight bout: Eric Schafer vs. Jason Brilz
Schafer by submission

March Madness Brackett Challenge

Sports Jerks 2010 March Madness Brackett Challenge is back!

Group Slogan: Suck One!
Team Affiliation: U of I
Public league! Join Today!

Stephen Strasburg

By: Slop Hole

Why is it that I find myself not liking this Stephen Strasburg fella? I just want to see him fall on his ass...not sure why. At least he plays for the worst team in baseball. Usually the top picks don't pan out like they should. I'm sure he is just as sweet as pie.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

MLB Predictions 2010

By: Guido

Rays, Tigers, Mariners, Red Sox(WC)
Braves, Cubs, Giants, Phillies(WC)
World Series
Cubs over Mariners
Adrian Beltre
Aramis Ramirez
AL Cy Young
Cliff Lee
NL Cy Young
Tommy Hanson
Next Cardinals Player to get a DUI
Mitchell Fucking Boggs
Times Sweet Lou will get ejected
as many as he feels like
Tyler Flowers
Madison Bumgarner...sorry Jason Hayward

Memo To Wolf

By: Tumor Juice

Barry Bonds has NOT signed with the Cubs.
copy and paste that bad boy to see what fooled the wolf pack...

end of memo

Biggest Offseason Moves 2010

By: Hair Diaper

1. Phillies Trade for Roy Hallady
2. Cardinals sign "Nads" Holliday
3. Milton Bradley becomes Mariners problem...
4. ...Carlos Silva and his fatness become Cubs problem
5. Yankees trade for Granderson, trying to buy another title
6. Red Sox sign a bunch of guys...who cares about the damn AL East?
7. Braves trade away "Little Game" Javier Vazquez
8. Jason Bay signs with Mets
9. Vlad to Rangers
10. Chone Figgens signs with Mariners
11. Cubs flip the Marlon Byrd 3 years
12. Dave Duncan works magic with Brad Penny

NL CENTRAL 2010: The Best For Last

By: Sterling Swatch

1. Chicago Cubs
added: Jeff Gray, Carlos Silva, Jason Robert Waddell, Xavier Nady, Marlon Byrd, Kevin Millar, Chad Tracy
lost: Milton Bradley, Neal Cotts, Kevin Gregg, Jake Fox, Rich Harden, Aaron Heilman, Aaron Miles, So Taguchi, Reed Johnson
rotation: Zambrano, Lilly, Dempster, Wells, Samardzija

2. Milwaukee Brewers
added: Carlos Gomez, LaTroy Hawkins, Randy Wolf
lost: Mike Cameron, J.J. Hardy, Jason Kendall
rotation: Wolf, Gallardo, Parra, Suppan, Dave Bush

3. Houston Astros
added: Pedro Feliz, Brandon Lyon, Brett Myers
lost: LaTroy Hawkins
rotation: Oswalt, Rodriguez, Myers, Bud Norris, Moehler

4. Cincinnati Reds
added: Chris Burke, Josh Anderson
lost: Danny Richar
rotation: Harang, Arroyo, Cueto, Bailey, Matt Maloney

5. Pittsburgh Pirates
added: Ryan Church, Bobby Crosby, Akinori Iwamura, Neal Cotts
lost: Matt Capps

6. St. Louis Cardinals
added: Brad Penny...wow
lost: Brian Barden, Mark DeRosa, Troy Glaus, Jerrett Hoffpauir, Brad Thompson, Joe Thurston
rotation: Wainwright, Carpenter, Lohse, Penny, Mitchell Boggs


By: Sterling Swatch

1. Detroit Tigers
added: Johnny Damon, Phil Coke, Max Scherzer, Daniel Schlereth
lost: Granderson, Aubrey Huff, Edwin Jackson, Brandon Lyon, Placido Polanco, Fernando Rodney, Jason Scott Waddell
rotation: Verlander, Porcello, Scherzer, Bonderman, Armando Galarraga

2. Kansas City Royals
added: Brian Anderson, Wilson Betemit, Jorge Campillo, Josh Fields, Chris Getz, Matt Herges, Phillip Humber, Jason Kendall, Podsednik, Brad Thompson
lost: John Buck, Coco Crisp, Miguel Olivo, Mark Teahen
rotation: Greinke, Meche, Bannister, Luke Hochevar, Kyle Davies

3. Chicago White Sox
added: Andruw Jones, Juan Pierre, J.J. Putz, Mark Teahen, Omar Vizquel
lost: Wilson Betemit, Josh Fields, Chris Getz, Podsednik, DeWayne Wise
rotation: Buehrle, Peavy, Floyd, Danks, Freddy Garcia

4. Minnesota Twins
added: J.J. Hardy
lost: Phillip Humber, Carlos Gomez
rotation: Scott Baker, Nick Blackburn, Slowey, Pavano, Brian Duensing

5. Cleveland Indians
added: Shelly Duncan, Austin Kearns
lost: Kelly Shoppach
rotation: Westbrook, Masterson, Carmona, David Huff, Carlos Carrasco

Sports Jerks 2010 Fantasy

Here ye, here ye!

It's fantasy time!
Mixed league with open spots on yahoo!

League name: Sports Jerks 2010
password: hotleg

Grab it by the ballz!

NL EAST 2010

By: The Night Man

1. Atlanta Braves
added: Melky Cabrera, Troy Glaus, Eric Hinske, Takashi Saito, Billy Wagner, Joe Thurston
losses: Brian Barton, Jorge Campillo, Ryan Church, Mike Gonzalez, Kelly Johnson, Rafael Soriano, Javier Vazquez
rotation: Jair Jurrjens, Tim Hudosn, Derek Lowe, Tommy Hanson, Kenshin Kawakami

2. Philadelphia Phillies
added: Danys Baez, Roy Halladay, Placido Polanco
losses: Pedro Feliz, Cliff Lee, Eric Bruntlett
rotation: Halladay, Hamels, Blanton, J.A. Happ, Jamie Moyer

3. NY Mets
addedJason Bay, Henry Blanco, Kelvim Escobar
losses: J.J. Putz, Brian Schneider
rotation: Santana, John Maine, Mike Pelfrey, Oliver Perez, Jon Niese

4. Florida Marlins
added: Brian Barden, Danny Richar
losses: Jeremy Hermida, Nick Johnson
rotation: Josh Johnson, Ricky Nolasco, Anibal Sanchez, Chris Volstad, Andrew Miller

5. Washington Nationals
added: Eric Bruntlett, Matt Capps, Eddie Guardado, Jason Marquis, Pudge, Wang
losses: Austin Kearns
rotation: John Lannen, Marquis, Scott Olsen, Ross Detwiler, Craig Stammen

AL EAST 2010

By: The Night Man

Predicted order of finish

1. Tampa Bay Rays
added: Rafael Soriano
losses: Akinori Iwamura, Jesse Chavez
rotation: J. Shields, M. Garza, J. Niemann, D. Price, W. Davis

2. Boston Red Sox
added: Mike Cameron, John Lackey, Jeremy Hermida, Adrian Beltre, Marco Scutaro, Bill Hall, Boof Bonser
losses: Casey Kotchman, Chris Province, Paul Byrd, Alex Gonzalez, Joey Gathright, Rocco Baldelli, Jason Bay, Billy Wagner, Nick Green
rotation: Lester, Beckett, Lackey, Dice-K, Buchholz

3. NY Yankees
added: Nick Johnson, Curtis Granderson, Randy Winn, Javier Vazquez, Chan Ho Park
losses: Melkey Cabrera, Johnny Damon, Ian Kennedy, Phil Coke, Chien-Ming Wang
rotation: Sabathia, Burnett, Pettitte, Vazquez, Joba

4. Baltimore Orioles
added: Kevin Millwood, Miguel Tejada, Michael Gonzalez, Garrett Atkins, Will Ohman
losses: Chris Ray, Danys Baez, Melvin Mora, Rich Hill
rotation: Millwood, J. Guthrie, B. Bergeson, B. Matusz, C. Tillman

4. Toronto Blue Jays
added: Alex Gonzalez, Kevin Gregg, Jarrett Hoffpauir, Jose Molina, Dana Eveland, John Buck, Joey Gathright, Brandon Morrow
losses: Kevin Millar, Marco Scutaro, Roy Halladay, Michael Barrett
rotation: R. Romero, S. Marcum, B. Morrow, M. Rzepczynski, D. McGowan

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

NL WEST 2010

by: Guido

2010 predicted order of finish

1. San Francisco Giants
added: Mark DeRosa, Aubrey Huff, Todd Wellemeyer
losses: Brad Penny, Bob Howry
rotation: T. Lincecum, M. Cain, B. Zito, J. Sanchez, M. Bumgarner

2. LA Dodgers
added: Reed Johnson
losses: Juan Pierre, Randy Wolf
rotation: C. Kershaw, C. Billingsley, H. Kuroda, V. Padilla, E. Stults

3. Arizona Diamondbacks
added: Bob Howry, Adam LaRoche, Kelly Johnson, Aaron Heilman, Edwin Jackson, Ian Kennedy
losses: Max Scherzer, Eric Byrnes, Daniel Schlereth, Chad Tracy
rotation: B. Webb, D. Haren, E. Jackson, I. Kennedy, B. Buckner

4. Colorado Rockies
added: Melvin Mora, Miguel Olivo
losses: Garrett Atkins, Jason Marquis, Matt Herges
rotation: U. Jimenez, A. Cook, J. De La Rosa, J. Hammel, J. Francis

5. San Diego(whale's vagina) Padres
added: J. Garland, Jerry Hairston JR.
losses: Kevin Kouzmanoff, Henry Blanco
rotation: C. Young, K. Correia, J. Garland, C. Richard, M. Latos

AL WEST 2010

by: Guido

Predicted order of finish for 2010

1. Seattle Mariners
added: Milton Bradley, Chone Figgins, Cliff Lee, Eric Byrnes, Casey Kotchman
losses: Carlos Silva
rotation: King Felix, C. Lee, E. Bedard, I. Snell, R. Rowland-Smith

2. Texas Rangers
added: Vladimir Guerrero, Rich Harden
losses: Marlon Byrd, Hank Blalock, Kevin Millwood
rotation: S. Feldman, R. Harden, C. Lewis, D. Holland, T. Hunter

3. LA Angels
added: Joel Pineiro, Hideki Matsui, Fernando Rodney
losses: Vladimir Guerrero, John Lacky, Chone Figgins
rotation: J. Weaver, E. Santana, J. Saunders, S. Kazmir, J. Pineiro

4. Oakland Athletics
added: Ben Sheets, Kevin Kouzmanoff
losses: Nomar
rotation: B. Sheets, D. Braden, T. Cahill, V. Mazzaro, B. Anderson