My Halftime Show Plea

By: Guido

I'm still being told that the Super Bowl XLI Halftime show was the greatest ever. Is it really the greatest ever? Really? It's Prince. The guy probably couldn't throw a football five yards without breaking his wrist. And seriously, the halftime show can't be about the fans if we are being forced to enjoy the musical sounds of Prince.

Raspberry Beret goes with football about as well as Britney Spears does with panties. I swear on my Juan Pierre Cubs jersey that there is no way that the NFL has their fans best interests in mind for halftime shows. There's no way.

Now, Janet Jackson's nipple was about as sexy as Stu Scott's glass eye, right? But let me tell you something. Most NFL fans would love to see a little nipple every now and then and what better time than during the most important game of the year?

Yes. Yes. I hear you. "Millions of people watch that game and many children as well". Well let me tell you something. Football is a violent sport. Players get injured all the time. It's like Rex Grossman once said, "Shit happens".

Besides, we all have nipples. Some people have more than others and, of course, some fire victims may not have any nipples but you can rest assured that at one time they did. Dogs have nipples. Lots of them. And people will watch puppies suckle on the teets. Kids like to watch too. And a nipple on tv is so bad that we have to endure Prince on the halftime show? Or lame ass Paul McCartney? Hey, the Stones are a GREAT band, but can't we get a band that's a little more hip, like, say the Foo Fighters?

The bad thing about Janet's nipple is that, and not there is anything wrong with older bands, but that's gonna be the type of music we will have to watch. The NFL wants to go with the safest choice in music. It's like the NFL and Rolling Stone Magazine think the same. Always go with the Stones and Beatles cause everything else is shit. They are probably afraid that Kanye West would whip out his cock and impregnate a back-up dancer during the show and thus ruining Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl". Not that I want to see Kanye, I'm just saying. That would be pretty sweet to see. Even more so if he did it while Daughtry and Tanya Tucker sang the National Anthem.

Dear NFL,
Where are your balls? Or are you afraid to show them too?