Good for you...

By: Harvey

Hey, the U.S. men's basketball team won a gold medal. Cool.

Can anybody really get that excited about this? This is what they're supposed to do. There is no excuse for the fact that our country hasn't taken the gold medal in every Olympics since we first started using NBA players in 1992. I don't care how much the international game has progressed since then...there's still a reason why every other pro league's top stars end up wearing NBA uniforms. Ours is the best brand of basketball, and if our players put forth the proper effort they should win every single time.

By the way, could the officiating be a little more horrible in a gold medal game? It was atrocious. The Spanish national team came off like a bunch of whiny pussies, too. Too much complaining from the bench; too much posturing for calls. With all the flopping I saw the Spanish players doing, I honestly thought maybe Coach K was coaching both teams. It looked very Duke-ish out there.

Kobe Bryant has to be pleased, though. Remember a few years ago when this guy was regarded as an adulterer and borderline rapist? Nobody seems to remember that stuff anymore. Now he's a great guy, the darling of our sports world because he was invited to play at the Olympics and actually put forth some effort on the court. What a prince!

I saw footage of Kobe watching the U.S. women's beach volleyball team playing, and nothing will stop me from believing he was contemplating putting paper bags over the butterface heads of Misty May-Treanor and Carrie Walsh, taking them back to his room and giving himself an excuse to buy his wife another $4 million ring.

The Olympics are nearly done, now, and in a day or so China will be able to return to normal. They can resume serving dog without having to worry about uppity Westerners being upset about it, and the Chinese women's gymnastics team can resume the third grade. As far as all the Chinese athletes who didn't win, well...nice knowing you. Let's just say I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Fifty-one gold medals = the only 51 athletes, or teams, who can count on not being banished or executed over the next few days. If it hasn't happened already.