Tuesday, August 12, 2008

(Special) Olympics

By: Guido

The Olympics blow my mind. I try so hard to not give a shit. It's crazy. Once someone flips the station to the games, I can't pull away. No matter how lame the event, I still find my ass parked in front of the tv.

It must be my patriotism showing through. "Beat that Jamacian! Beat that Chinese fellow!", I find myself saying...to myself. Thou shalt not let others know that ye secretly like Olympicas. You see, it has to be that fact that it's country versus country. Who else likes America besides Americans, right? ESPN2 can show college track and field and I wouldn't bother to press the info button on the remote. There isn't any intrigue. What do I care if Bum Fuck U is better than Podunk High at discus? I don't have an allegence to either one.

And another thing, even if the men's gymnastics team stayed up all night having a team gang bang, they could still kick my ass. These guys are buffer than women weightlifters AND they have less facial hair. Which means less time shaving and more time in the gym. They're amazing. There, I said it.

With all that said, soccer still sucks. I'm sorry but that game will never catch on here. I know some fellas that play soccer for the local high school team and they could care less about the World Cup and all that jazz. Maybe they are just too busy getting wasted every night or playing XBOX Live.

Like I said, I can't really explain it. And maybe I don't have too.

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