Waiting For The Worms

By: Guido

"...Do they still play the blues in Chicago/when baseball season rolls around
when the snow melts away, do the Cubbies still play/in their ivy-covered burial ground..." --Steve Goodman, "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request", 1983

They always find a way to lose and tonight's was very original. The Cub's had errors all around the horn. Yep, 4. That's a record, of course. Our at least the phenomenal TBS play-by-play crew claimed it was. Sheesh. And the thing is, Zambrano pitch o.k. He didn't wag his finger or act like a complete jackass.

Braaaalaarrrgh! I just want to make a bunch of incoherent noises and kick at the air Napoleon Dynamite style. heeegooormph! There is no explanation for a team to play like that. That's the hardest thing to come to terms with. There is no excuse and yet people want to use the "curses" as a safety-net.

Obviously a curse does not exist but it makes for good tv. All the media outlets are to blame. The "curse" talk comes up in spring training and always resurfaces a month before the playoffs. It's not like the players in Cub uniforms have enough pressure to win with the whole 100 year thing. So here come ESPN and they send out some shit ass reporter to talk to players and coaches within the Cubs organization about the "curse". They make sure they get opinion possible. Then some shitheads at SportingNews, Yahoo!sports, MLB.com, and dozens of other irrelevant mags and tv go out and do the same thing.

"...But what do you expect, when you raise up a young boy's hopes/and then just crush 'em like so many paper beer cups. Year after year after year after year, after year, after year, after year, after year/'Til those hopes are just so much popcorn for the pigeons beneath the 'L' tracks to eat..." -- "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request"

That's the pressure the players have to deal with. Billy goats. Black cats. Bartman. Let us not forget Kent Mercker blaming Steve Stone for the demise of the 2004 Cubs. But let me tell you something. Now this is a secret so don't tell anyone, especially any professional athletes. Are you ready? Here it is: Professional athletes are supposed to perform well under pressure. I just blew your mind. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me.

There reason the Cubs have failed in the postseason is this: The players that the Cubs sign do not play well under pressure. It's as simple as that. They have a lot of great players but only a couple of them can actually come through in the most important of times. Unfortunately I'm just assuming that some of them actually can. We all thought that they could do it. They ran away with the division and beat every teams ass(except Tampa) during the season. So, really not too many pressure cooker situations there but, we assumed. Can anyone tell me what assuming makes?

I would also like to note that in the post game interviews, Lou Piniella said "I don't want to talk about Fukudome anymore", and then added that Reed Johnson or Mike Fontenot would play on Saturday night. To tell you the truth, I don't know why he even started tonight. I don't.

It's not worth pulling your hair out. It's not worth shuffling about the house moaning and groaning. It's not worth muttering incoherent jibberish with a "fuck" and "bullshit" thrown in every so often. It's also not worth burning that old Kerry Wood jersey you still have. That should have been burnt years ago. Why would you even still have that? Kinda embarrassing, don't you think? Wow, you have a Prior as well. I'm sorry, but we can no longer be friends unless you admit you have a problem.

I still think the Cubs have a shot this year. All they have to do is win all three of the remaining games. But, I'm sure its a helluva lot easier win one, which is what the Dodgers will probably do.

There is one thing that Cub fans will be able to smile about if/when the Cubs get eliminated: NO MORE FRANK CALIENDO COMMERCIALS. Please TBS, spare us. You're a God awful channel since you ditched Family Matters and the Braves. I know funny and clearly, TBS, you ain't it. So to TBS, Frank Caliendo, and Josh Davis*: Go fuck yourself!

"...I've got season's tickets to watch the Angels now, So its just what I'm going to do He said, "but you the living, you're stuck here with the Cubs, So its me that feels sorry for you!" -- more from "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request"


*Texting harassment throughout games one and two which almost lead to me and a few others driving to Shitassville(Danville) and beating him worse than OJ would beat Nichole. I'm talking a text message every 5 minutes. He lit up my phone more than Josh Hancock would light up a bong......while driving......drunk, make that high and drunk...high, drunk and driving, half asleep and talking on a cell phone.