Excuses, Excuses

By: Harvey

I feel obligated in some way to address the fact that my World Series prediction was incorrect. And by incorrect, I mean not even close. A clusterfuck of a shitty mess. Pathetic.

After hearing about Marion Jones' appearance on Oprah the other day, I've decided to explain myself in this fashion: It wasn't my fault.

Somebody obviously gave me false information about the Rays, and I based my prediction on it. Had I known the information was false, I wouldn't have used it in the process of predicting a Rays victory. I've done nothing wrong...at least not on purpose.

Sounds kind of stupid, doesn't it?

Well, it sounds equally retarded when Marion Jones goes on national television and asserts that she had no idea she was ever taking banned performance enhancing drugs. She says she'd never do something like that on purpose. She thought it was flaxseed oil. Somebody obviously wronged her, and she fully believes she could've ripped up the Sydney Olympics in 2000 without any help.

I guess that's why she lied about it after the fact, even when she "realized" she had somehow used steroids. She did jail time for lying about it, for Chrissakes! Not to mention the check fraud case, which also landed her former boyfriend in the can.

The sick part is, there were probably millions of people falling for her bullshit story as she blubbered pathetically on national TV.

In order to never be compared to a disgusting human being like Marion Jones, I've decided this is what I'm going to do in regards to my screwy World Series prediction. I'm going to face the music. I fucked it up, and it is totally my fault. I take responsibility for it, and with any luck I'll do better next time.

Hopefully Marion is taking notes on this approach. Instead of booking another softball interview with some other sympathetic, soft interviewer, maybe she should just apologize to all the suckers who wasted their time rooting for her and their hard-earned cash on her shitty book, which as it turns out is all based on a sham of a career.

Somehow, though, I seriously doubt any of that will happen. Once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit.

I'd imagine it's only a matter of time before we see the Floyd Landis interview on The View. Can't wait.