Thank you Jesus!

By: Harvey

Philadelphia Phillies closer Brad Lidge joined the club last night.

What club is that? The "Thank You Jesus" Club, of course.

Lidge joined the long list of athletes last night who think any time you put a camera in their faces they must talk about the Good Lord and how thankful they are. It was the first thing he mentioned on FOX last night in his postgame interview.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God as much as the next guy. I don't look down on people for being religious. That said, it always sounds silly to me to let people think you actually believe that God has nothing better to do than sit around and make sure you strike out some pud-smack pinch hitter in the ninth inning of a World Series clincher.

Kind of makes me wonder what God has against Eric Hinske. He made that poor bastard strike out to end the series. Guess he didn't pray enough.

I know, I know. These guys are thanking God for the ability to perform, not the performance itself. At least I think they are. I hope they are. Divine intervention doesn't really seem like it belongs in sports. Not when there are real people with real problems out there.

But what if God really is pulling all the strings? Is it possible he really wanted the Phillies to win? I can't imagine God as being a guy who sympathizes much with the collection of miserable, unwashed assholes otherwise known as Philadelphia. I kind of figured the opposite, truthfully. Somewhere after 1980, I figured He got sick of those people and decided to torture them for all eternity. Philly and Hell sort of became the same place, although the company may be slightly more pleasant down with the Devil.

It would explain a lot, really. The Cubs and their thousands of years (at least it seems that long) of futility. The fact that Barry Bonds can't find a job. The Colts getting jack-laid by the Titans. I really hope some higher power is making these fantastically entertaining things happen. If so, I may really have some fun if I can make my way to heaven....even though this post may end up being my ticket elsewhere.