Don't be a Bracket Jackass

By: Harvey

I know everybody (and by everybody, I mean Guido) has missed seeing my witty insight on this site in the recent months, and luckily for all of you I have now found myself back in a position where I will have the opportunity to contribute more frequently. Those of you on suicide watch can call your pharmacy and cancel that Prozac prescription.

Anyway, I spent this morning finalizing my NCAA tournament bracket and rushing to enter my picks in all the various online contests along with my office pool.

Notice I said my bracket and not my brackets. This is important.

You see, I can't stand it when people fill out a dozen different sets of brackets in a dozen different ways and then spend the next three weeks feeding me lines of bullshit about how they picked this upset or that upset in one of the pools they entered.

Big fucking deal! I'm sure if you bought 800,000 lottery tickets, you'd probably win something big on a few of them. Doesn't make you incredibly lucky. Just means the odds grew more in your favor with every ticket you paid for. Same Goddamned principle with the brackets . . . if you pick every possible upset on a grand total of 17 bracket sheets, you haven't done shit to impress me.

Also, I get sick of these goofy fucks who start to realize the picks they've entered in a certain pool aren't worth the paper they're printed on and insist on telling me it's okay, because they entered their "real picks" in another bigger pool.

Generally, these people may as well be sporting a stamp across their forehead that says "BULLSHITTER".

What I'm saying is this: fill out one bracket and be a man about it. And if it bombs . . . just tell everybody it's all about luck anyway.