TRADE IN HANDYJ LEAGUE

This just in...

In an attempt to salvage their season and look forward to next year, the North Side Shit Turds have traded Cole Hamels to the Cleveland Steamers in exchange for Ryan Zimmerman. This trade helps both teams as the Steamers were looking for pitching depth and the Shit Turds were looking for a player to keep for next season to go along with Andrew McCutchen.

When asked about the trade, the Steamers GM said, "I don't think I could pass that one up". The Steamers currently sit in second place but look to make a push now that Hamels has been added to a rotation that includes Tim Lincecum, Cliff Lee and former Cardinals ace Ace Jason Marquis.

Zimmerman will enter the Shit Turds line-up as an immediate improvement over the combination of Aubrey Huff and Daniel Murphy. It was just a couple weeks ago that the Turds sent Carlos Pena and his .220 BA to Careless Whispers for Michael Bourn and his HandyJ league leading 32 steals. That trade rape proved to be pivitol in moving the Turds from the basement to where they sit now in fourth place, 27.5 points back of Cake Boy(whatever that means).

We here at Sports Jerks expect to gain exclusive press conference photos from The Shit Turds as they introduce Ryan Zimmerman. No word yet on how the Steamers plan on introducing Cole Hamels, but something tells me it should involve their GM, a blindfold and the Hershey squirts.