Ouch! My Butthole!

By: Clay

Wanna hear a joke? Ok, here goes. The 2011 Chicago Cubs. Doesn't even need a punch-line does it? Here's another! Alfonso Soriano. Waka Waka. Soriano may get old but that joke sure doesn't. Nope. Never does.

With the Blackhawks, Bulls and now, pretty much the Cubs season over, I haven't been listening to 670 The Score hardly at all. But when I do, they all seem to want to ask the same question to their callers. Why continue to watch the 2011 Chicago Cubs? The majority of these morons claim that there are only two reasons; for Starlin Castro or because you are a true Cubs fan.

Ummm, nah. I am a true Cubs fan. But I have expectations and I'm not gonna lower them. Not for anything. If it's not good enough, then it's not good enough. To quote Brock Lesnar, "This team is chicken shit". However, Lesnar claimed his team turned into "chicken salad". The '11 Cubs are not. They are just stinky chicken shit.

I'm not going to watch Castro and Darwin Barney play defense and get on base at a .300 clip just so I can watch Blake DeWitt and Carlos Pena hit into inning ending double plays. I don't care to see Tony Campana steal a base. Oh I bet those damn morons at Wrigley love that as the suck down an $8 hot dog and chug $12 cup of piss warm Old Style. "Look at that Campana, man. Even though the Cubs aren't so good this season, he is still playing hard. That's Cubs baseball and Cubs fandom". No. Fuck that. I want to win. Doug Davis. Doug "fucking" Davis. Yeah That's a great signing there. What were Ricketts and Hendry thinking? "Oh we are so fucking terrible. Let's sign some bum to fill in the rotation as opposed to bringing up a prospect". "Great idea Tom. I know just the guy. You remember Dale Davis from the Indiana Pacers? Yeah? Well it's his white brother Doug! And guess what! He can pitch. Oh he's bad but he has experience". "Sounds alot like your sister, Jim. Ha ha ha. Let's kiss".

I'm sure it more than likely went like that. And yet somehow that Astros are trying to keep pace with the Cubs as to not lose their grip on 6th place in the nl central. Damn Astros. Always in the way.

Zambrano pitched really, really well yesterday and has the entire season. I hope they trade him. He seems more focused this season and as one of my all-time favorite Cubs, I'd like to see him play for a winner. Big Z was right when he said the Cubs "were playing like a triple-a team". Hell, even the Jacob Fearday lead 1993 Neoga Pee Wee League Crunchers could beat their asses. Granted, catcher Nathen Beals is gonna cry after he K's in all his at-bats, but the Crunchers would shake it off and probably win in four innings via the mercy rule.

So if all this bitching about winning doesn't make me a "True" Cubs fan, then I don't want to be a "true" fan.