Nascar. Why?

By: Guido

On espnews i noticed that their Nascar analyst resembles everything but a Nascar fan. Sure, he had a southern accent and was a ginger, but that was it. He wore a suit (no holes or stains)! No facial hair (mutton chops please)! Here's the kicker, he was wearing hair gel. He's a Nascar fan with a stylist. He didn't even stop mid sentence to spit some Grizzly snuff or fuck his cousin! My head exploded. What's next, an black NBA analyst without child support payments and a white woman dependency? A MLB analyst without a sexual harassment record and drinking problem? A WWE analyst who doesn't have strokes every three years?

Damn espn Nascar analyst, you just blew my mind.