By: Guido
Everything in the sports world is going to shit. Michael Phelps was caught taking a bong hit. A list of MLB players that tested positive for PED's a few years ago has leaked. Roberto Alomar might AIDS. Tony Romo doesn't appreciate Jessica Simpson's lovely lady humps. The NBA is still giving me jaw cramps from yawing so much. The only thing that has remained constant and comforting in the past couple years is Favre's retirement announcement.
The next month or so should be riddled with "will he or won't he" banter between ESPN personalities that couldn't careless what they are reading of the prompter, so long as they receive a nice paycheck every two weeks and star in their own ESPN commercial. Hell, Stu Scott will say anything just as long as he can afford designer glass eyes that match his ties.
Where am I going with this? What I'm trying to say is that we're headed to the 7th pit of hell* and Bud Selig is the bus driver and Michael Vick is the tour guide. Pacman Jones is working security and Kobe Bryant's penis is serving drinks(and ladies). If you look to your left you will see Kimbo Slice. What's he up to these days, I wonder? Now on your right hand side will be a Dwayne Wade sex party! Too Sweet! No, everyone I'm sorry but we cannot stop. Roger Clemens and the NFL Officiating Crew are awaiting our arrival and we must make Floyd Landis time or we will miss the Professional Bull Riding Championship Tour!
*the seventh pit of hell is also known as Georgia. Ever have to drive through that state? Fucking sucks, doesn't it?
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