2011 ASG Hightlights

By: Clay

This trophy for the "Are You Fucking Kidding" award goes to Mike Quade by way of Bruce Bochy.

When I saw Mike Quade during the roster introductions, I lost my shit. How? Why is he here? I can understand Kirk Gibson for obvious reasons, but Mike Quade. Oh my god. I was shocked and laughing but I still didn't get it. Absolutely no business accepting the invite from Bruce Bochey. Jesus, Bruce, you could have had any other manager but you went with Quade(replacing Jim Riggleman). Clint Hurdle would have been a deserving choice as well as La Russa.

Just another embarrassing moment to add to the 2011 Cubs season.

La Russa's Daughter a Raiderette

This is Cards manager Tony La Russa's daughter. She is a Raiderette. I know what you're thinking and yes, she looks good. But I bet you she is an asshole. Not a bitch. An asshole. I wonder how many DUI's she's gotten out of thanks to her looks? I bet she has a penis.

The worst part about all this is knowing that some poor unfortunate woman had Tony La Russa force himself upon her resulting in a child.

MLB Promotional Giveaways: Back in 2007

By: Sports Jerks

Back in 2007, before Sports Jerks existed, we created a list via text messages of funny MLB promotional giveaway nights that would never happen. For your amusement, here they are.

Barry Bonds Guide to Interview Etiquette
Rafael Palmario Lie Detector Kit
Jim Edmonds First Aid Kit
Pepsi presents the Sammy Sosa pocket translator
Pokey Reese free condom night
Tony La Russa free 16oz beer night (kids 15 and older)
Tony La Russa mug shot t-shirt
Sammy Sosa game used corked bat card from Topps
Tony La Russa steering wheel cover
Mike Piazza Express For Men Shopping Spree
KC Royals Open Contract Night
Randy Johnson Mustache night
Michael Barrett Brass Knuckle Night
Ozzie Guillen's Big Book of Racial Slurs and other Bigotry
Alfonso Soriano Oversized Glove Night
Lou Piniella Water Balloon/Base Launcher

I Had Tommy John on Both Knees

By: Clay

Adam Wainwright is out til 2012. Ouch! Wainwright is due to have Tommy John surgery which will leave the Cards very short on decent pitching. I've heard a few things on this today.

AFTER it was found out the Wainwright was injured(just not the extent), White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle said that he would be willing to waive his no-trade clause "if it came down to it, I would do it for [White Sox chairman] Jerry [Reinsdorf] and the team because they have done enough for me. I'm sure if we play bad in the first half and there's no way of getting back into it and they don't think there's a chance and they are starting to trade away guys, I would probably be one of the first guys to go. With my contract expiring, they could dump money and get prospects." Buehrle grew up a Cardinals fan and is due to become a free agent after the 2011 season. However, I'm not really sure what DeWitt and the Cards have to offer.

Given the amount it's gonna take to re-sign Pujols, you have to wonder if the Cards should even bother trading for Buehrle or Joe Blanton or trying to sign a free agent, such as Kevin Millwood. Maybe the best thing for them to do is just promote some of their farm system and see what happens. With Dave Duncan in the mix, Cards pitching usually finds a way to succeed even if the talent really isn't there.

The Dayton News reported that the Reds' Jonny Gomes and manager Dusty Baker were celebrating upon hearing the news of Wainwrights injury. Gomes even went as far as to sing "Wainwright's Gone!" while walking through the clubhouse at spring training. Hilarious! This sounds like he may have been singing it to the tune of Lynryd Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone", which is a classic, CLASSIC song. Gomes denies doing so. I think the whole thing is hilarious 10x over. However, the Reds should be more worried about the Brewers and the Phillies. The Cards were never gonna be in contention this year anyway.

Cards pitcher Chris Carpenter said today that he would be open to a midseason trade as he will be a free agent following this season. This is proving to be a difficult season for the Cards and spring training games haven't even started yet. Along with Pujols and Carpenter, La Russa will be off contract with the Cards.