Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Chicago Blackhawks Are Putting My Playoff Beard on the Line Tonight

By: Dustin

There's quite a bit at stake tonight in Vancouver as the Blackhawks attempt to complete their improbable run in the Western Conference quarterfinals: a near-impossible comeback from a 3-0 series deficit, Chicago's postseason ownership of the rival Canucks, and most importantly . . . my playoff beard.

Being the spineless, pussy-whipped excuse for a man I am, I have generally been limited to sporting a goatee at my wife's "request." It's a "request" to which I have complied for fear of her unhappiness and/or hiring of a divorce attorney. My relatively newfound fondness for hockey, however, introduced me to a brilliant excuse for letting my facial hair grow — a playoff beard, just like the ones sported by most players on postseason teams.

As a Blackhawks fan and as a playoff beard-grower, you can imagine my dismay when the Canucks took a 3-0 lead and seems destined to dominate the series in much the same fashion I used to dominate Dean Hatten with my curveball in high school baseball practice. Conversely, you can also imagine my excitement as I watched the boys from Chicago storm back, seemingly putting Vancouver against the ropes going into tonight's deciding game at Rogers Arena.

Given the events of the series — Raffi Torres' filthy hit on Brent Seabrook, Roberto Luongo's apparent nonchalant attitude toward the Blackhawks despite the fact they've recently beaten him like a rented mule and even got him benched for Game 6, and Davey Bolland's Jesus-like return from the dead (or a concussion) and immediate renewal of his ownership of the Sedin twins — it appears this Chicago/Vancouver playoff rivalry is as strong as ever. If Chicago can become the fourth NHL team to erase a 3-0 series deficit and simultaneously eliminate Vancouver for the third straight year, this dominance of the Canuckleheads will officially be the stuff of legends and the Hawks will be forever hated in the vast, hellish wasteland otherwise known as Western Canada.

And, best of all, my beloved facial hair will survive to see another seven-game series, while my beloved Blackhawks will continue their Stanley Cup championship defense.

1 comment:

Sports Jerks said...

This is all Canada has right now. So not only are all the Vancouverites biting their nails but all of Canada as well. If Luongo starts tonite and 5 goals in the loss, as I expect him too, where does he go from here? He is chocking more in the playoffs than Peyton Manning! He is like the Brad Lidge of hockey right now. Do you really want him in the next against the Hawks? Would you rather have Corey Schneider out there?

Tough questions for the Canucks and their fans to answer. Good think their season is gonna end about six weeks shorter than they'd like. Gives them plenty of time to think it over.