"That's a winner!"

By: Guido

(This story goes out to a young midwestern boy who is still looking for his first DUI. Good Luck Zach Wolf. Someday you will be up there with the greats.)

It just isn't a MLB offseason without a STL Cards player making the news. This time it's the guy that could have been backing up Bret Wallace(who got traded to Oakland for whats-his-face) at third base this season. Still don't know? It's David Freese! Oh that Matt Holliday trade just keeps on giving. Nobody outside of Cards fans would know who Freese is if it wasn't for that trade.

Freese was arrested over the weekend for driving while intoxicated. Last time I checked, that is the fourth Cards player in less than three years to face drunken driving allegations. When asked by police if he had been drinking, Freese said he had been earlier in the day and then toke a page out of his new batting coaches book when he said that he wasn't going to talk about the past. He then cried delicious salty tears.

Right now, you're probably asking yourself why Cardinals players and managers are so dependent on booze. Well wouldn't you be if you had the most annoying and snobbish blowhards clapping for you every time you ran out a routine ground ball? Think about it. Doesn't sound so great does it? Kinda makes you wonder if Josh Hancock and Darryl Kile were really accidents or the final desperate pleas of two men who couldn't take playing for the miserable shit hole fan base in St. Louis. La Russa was only hoping he could get that lucky. Why else would he take a Merlot induced nap at a stop light? Darryl Kile died of coronary disease. Two indirect but significant risk factors of coronary disease include stress and consumption of alcohol.

To borrow a few words from Joe Buck, "Pardon me while I stand up and applaud!"