Shawn Johnson is proud of her...well...just watch the clip

By: Harvey

An unfortunate moment in sports-related marketing campaigns. This is proof that every marketing firm needs a guy with his mind permanently in the gutter to make sure they don't make a ridiculously suggestive commercial.

Ken Shamrock To Fight Kimbo Slice

By: Guido

I have no idea what to think about this match. EliteXC's October 4th free show on CBS will feature Kimbo Slice(3-0) fighting a past-his-prime MMA legend in Ken Shamrock(26-13-2).

Ken is a submission expert and even though his skills have diminished, he will still have that advantage. Ken has also lost his last five fights. I seriously think this is the wrong fight for both guys at this junction in their careers. A win isn't going to rejuvenate Shamrock just as a win won't jump start Kimbo's march to MMA dominance.

This will be Kimbo's toughest fight by far as Ken is heads and tails better that James Thompson. I just don't see how a win over Ken would establish Kimbo as legit.
And I don't see how Ken Shamrock getting his face bashed in is in his best interests. It's goin to be a very sloppy match. I know Kimbo can hit hard but there isn't any way he's gonna make Ken look like he did against Tito Ortiz. Tito destroyed Ken back at UFC 40 in 2002. Ken as lost 8 of his last 10 fights dating back to 2000. He's washed up. How is Ken an improvement in opponents for Kimbo?

I'll tell you one thing; as much as I hate listening Shamrock run his mouth, I hope he does get lucky and submit Kimbo. All this so I can see Ortiz/Shamrock 4.

(Other's) Mail

By: Guido

ape.austin asks, "What is the best way to get Kobe Bryant's autograph?"

That's an easy one, ape. Just take incriminating photos of the NBA star. Blackmail. Not only will you get his autograph, you should have floor seats for the next few years. Probably next to the cast of The Hills.

BurressTD asks, "Is it true that Jim Sorgi is actually the second best QB in the NFL?"

Yeah and Matt Hasselbeck has a full head of hair.


Conspiracy Buster asks, "I had a dream last night that the Astros signed both CC Sabathia and Ben Sheets this winter. Is that premonition of things to come?"

For the Brewers, yeah. I doubt they will sign CC in the offseason. For the Astros, no. They aren't gonna be able to pony up the cash for a big time pitcher like Sabathia but they could for a unproven bum like Sheets. Sheets and Sabathia will both be free agents after the 2008 season.

Da Bears Season Preview

By: Guido

It's easy for me to get pumped up for Bears football when I watch their 2006 playoff game highlights on youtube. I long for those days. It was the single most magical moment for me when it started to snow during that ass-kicking we gave the Saints in the NFC Title game. And since then the Bears have given me one highlight to remember, Devin Hester's Super Bowl kick-off return.

2007 was a crap season, like seasons of the past. Top draft picks underachieved, vetern players showed their age, and fans screamed for a qb chance(after every quarter, half, game, practice, and week). It was horrible. It was horrendous. Looking back on that season, I would say the turing point was when the Bears traded Thomas Jones. Watch videos of this guy running for the Bears during the 05 and 06 seasons. He fought for every yard and found every hole. What Urlacher did for the defense, Jones did for the offense, not Rex Grossman.

Rex's success during the first half of the 06 season was based on knowledge, or lack-there-of. Sure, some of the teams the Bears played were softer than a Kenny G record, but their coaching staffs didn't have shit for video on Rex. Hence the way Rex played those first few weeks. The thing is, while teams were making adjustments to counter Rex's style, Rex was busy being King of Chicago. I even have a Grossman jersey. I fell for the guy and I feel like an IDIOT!

Now I know there are Bears fans out there who are giddier than a 15-year-old girl in Bret Michaels dressing room because they have been on the Orton train for the past year or two. Let me just tell you people this: Orton is not the savior. The Bears will not make the playoffs. They won't even win 10 games. Heck yes, they are better off with Kyle, but what difference does it make when your offensive line is shit, your defense is old and injury-prone, you don't have an established running back, and you don't have a go to reciever?

This team is going to perform as well as a dickless man in a masturbation contest. We're gonna screw around with or heads up our asses looking for our g-spots. But hey, I still think we will finish second in the division! Joy!

CC Sabathia: Not The NL CY Young

By: Guido

CC has pitched some pretty good ball since being traded to the NL. He is 8-0 for the Brewers and 14-8 overall.

Look at the teams CC has pitched against since the trade. At San Fran, StL, ATL, and San Diego. Home against Colorado, Cincy, ChiCubs, Was, Hou, and Pit. The Cubs and the Pirates have been the only teams to not give CC the W.

Now, with the exception of the Cubs and the woeful Cardinals, none of these teams are very good. The Rockies and Giants are below .500. The Padres are below .300. The Astros are 2 games over .500 and the Pirates and Reds are seperated by half a game in the bottom of the central. The Braves are 15 games out of first and only the Nationals are behind them with a .351 winning percentage.

The Cubs and the Cards are the only top tier teams CC has faced. No Mets, Phils, Marlins, D-Bags or Dodgers(ESPN's new favorite team).

Until CC starts against some of the playoff contenders, he shouldn't even be in the same sentence as Brandon Webb or Tim Lincecum. Maybe next year.

My Fantasy Draft results

By: Harvey

Since Guido doesn't have the cajones to pony up any cash for a fantasy football league, I was the lone representative of the Sports Jerks at Sunday's draft hosted by our buddy Redbeard.

Anyway, it was an eight-team league . . . and I of course drew the number eight for our snake-style draft, so every time my turn came up I picked two players.

For anybody interested, here's what I ended up with:

QB — Carson Palmer, Bengals
OB — Marc Bulger, Rams
WR — Randy Moss, Patriots
WR — Santonio Holmes, Steelers
WR — Laveranues Coles, Jets
WR — Calvin Johnson, Lions
WR — Donald Driver, Packers
TE — Dallas Clark, Colts
TE — Owen Daniels, Texans
RB — Larry Johnson, Chiefs
RB — Maurice Jones-Drew, Jaguars
RB — Earnest Graham, Buccaneers
K — Stephen Gostkowski, Patriots
DEF — Dallas Cowboys
DEF — Jacksonville Jaguars

Each week's starting lineup can consist of the following nine positions: QB, WR, WR, RB, TE, WR/TE, WR/RB, K, DEF

Note the absence of any Bears from this squad. My reasoning for this was twofold: there weren't too many Bears I really wanted on my team, and I don't really want to be wrapped up in fantasy numbers when I'm watching their games.

Good for you...

By: Harvey

Hey, the U.S. men's basketball team won a gold medal. Cool.

Can anybody really get that excited about this? This is what they're supposed to do. There is no excuse for the fact that our country hasn't taken the gold medal in every Olympics since we first started using NBA players in 1992. I don't care how much the international game has progressed since then...there's still a reason why every other pro league's top stars end up wearing NBA uniforms. Ours is the best brand of basketball, and if our players put forth the proper effort they should win every single time.

By the way, could the officiating be a little more horrible in a gold medal game? It was atrocious. The Spanish national team came off like a bunch of whiny pussies, too. Too much complaining from the bench; too much posturing for calls. With all the flopping I saw the Spanish players doing, I honestly thought maybe Coach K was coaching both teams. It looked very Duke-ish out there.

Kobe Bryant has to be pleased, though. Remember a few years ago when this guy was regarded as an adulterer and borderline rapist? Nobody seems to remember that stuff anymore. Now he's a great guy, the darling of our sports world because he was invited to play at the Olympics and actually put forth some effort on the court. What a prince!

I saw footage of Kobe watching the U.S. women's beach volleyball team playing, and nothing will stop me from believing he was contemplating putting paper bags over the butterface heads of Misty May-Treanor and Carrie Walsh, taking them back to his room and giving himself an excuse to buy his wife another $4 million ring.

The Olympics are nearly done, now, and in a day or so China will be able to return to normal. They can resume serving dog without having to worry about uppity Westerners being upset about it, and the Chinese women's gymnastics team can resume the third grade. As far as all the Chinese athletes who didn't win, well...nice knowing you. Let's just say I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. Fifty-one gold medals = the only 51 athletes, or teams, who can count on not being banished or executed over the next few days. If it hasn't happened already.

Guido's NFC Predictions

East
1. Cowboys(12-4)
2. Giants(10-6)
3. Redskins(8-8)
4. Eagles(6-10)
North
1. Vikings(9-7)
2. Bears(8-8)
3. Packers(5-11)
4. Lions(2-14)
South
1. Saints(13-3)
2. Bucs(8-8)
3. Panthers(7-9)
4. Falcons(4-12)
West
1. Seahawks(12-4)
2. Cards(7-9)
3. Rams(5-11)
4. 49ers(3-13)

My Halftime Show Plea

By: Guido

I'm still being told that the Super Bowl XLI Halftime show was the greatest ever. Is it really the greatest ever? Really? It's Prince. The guy probably couldn't throw a football five yards without breaking his wrist. And seriously, the halftime show can't be about the fans if we are being forced to enjoy the musical sounds of Prince.

Raspberry Beret goes with football about as well as Britney Spears does with panties. I swear on my Juan Pierre Cubs jersey that there is no way that the NFL has their fans best interests in mind for halftime shows. There's no way.

Now, Janet Jackson's nipple was about as sexy as Stu Scott's glass eye, right? But let me tell you something. Most NFL fans would love to see a little nipple every now and then and what better time than during the most important game of the year?

Yes. Yes. I hear you. "Millions of people watch that game and many children as well". Well let me tell you something. Football is a violent sport. Players get injured all the time. It's like Rex Grossman once said, "Shit happens".

Besides, we all have nipples. Some people have more than others and, of course, some fire victims may not have any nipples but you can rest assured that at one time they did. Dogs have nipples. Lots of them. And people will watch puppies suckle on the teets. Kids like to watch too. And a nipple on tv is so bad that we have to endure Prince on the halftime show? Or lame ass Paul McCartney? Hey, the Stones are a GREAT band, but can't we get a band that's a little more hip, like, say the Foo Fighters?

The bad thing about Janet's nipple is that, and not there is anything wrong with older bands, but that's gonna be the type of music we will have to watch. The NFL wants to go with the safest choice in music. It's like the NFL and Rolling Stone Magazine think the same. Always go with the Stones and Beatles cause everything else is shit. They are probably afraid that Kanye West would whip out his cock and impregnate a back-up dancer during the show and thus ruining Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl". Not that I want to see Kanye, I'm just saying. That would be pretty sweet to see. Even more so if he did it while Daughtry and Tanya Tucker sang the National Anthem.

Dear NFL,
Where are your balls? Or are you afraid to show them too?

Guido's AFC Preview and Predictions

East
1. Patriots(14-2)
2. Jets(10-6)
3. Bills(6-10)
4. Dolphins(5-11)
North
1. Steelers(13-3)
2. Browns(8-8)
3. Bengals(6-10)
4. Ravens(3-13)
South
1. Colts(12-4)
2. Jaguars(12-4)
3. Titans(5-11)
4. Texans(2-14)
West
1. Chargers(11-5)
2. Broncos(7-9)
3. Raiders(6-10)
4. Chiefs(3-13)

In Orton I trust...but what about these other bums?

By: Harvey

I honestly can't understand why people continue to think it matters who plays quarterback for the Chicago Bears. Orton was the right pick, for the record, but it doesn't mean he has any better chance at succeeding than any other quarterback in the entire league would in this particular arrangement.

Look at this team. No proven running backs. Nobody outside of Greg Olson to catch passes. Offensive line like a sieve. Aging, injury-prone defense that should still be good, but may have seen its best days and won't create the kind of optimum field position it takes to win without any offensive weapons.

Why can't anybody understand? It wouldn't matter if Peyton Manning and Tom Brady combined their seed into some sort of radioactive Super-Sperm, used it to fertilize the eggs of Mia Hamm, Venus Williams, Candace Parker, Lolo Jones and Brett Favre to raise each one as a quarterback and then pick whichever one turns out the best. That quarterback still wouldn't win more than eight games with this team around him.

Most people get too wound up about flippin' quarterbacks. Of course, most people are idiots. Coincidence? I think not.

You can't hide your lyin' (slant) eyes....but why should you have to?

By: Harvey

As I'm sure you all know by now, the Spanish national basketball team has come under some scrutiny lately. A picture published in a Spanish sports newspaper shows all its players pulling their eyelids back, making — for lack of a better term — chink eyes. Sorry for the crude terminology, but I'm sure you're all well aware of what I'm talking about....remember the childhood rhyme? "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!"

Anyway, the Spaniards posed for this picture — as did the country's women's team — and when called on it claimed it was meant as some sort of "wink" toward the host Chinese at this year's Beijing Olympics.

Jose Manuel Calderon, who also plays for the Toronto Raptors, said the picture has been "interpreted incorrectly." Calderon said a sponsor asked the team "to pose with a 'wink' to our participation in Beijing" and that "we made an Oriental expression with our eye. We thought it was something appropriate and that it would always be interpreted as somewhat loving. Nevertheless, some of the European media did not see it this way."

Now, this is bullshit and I think we all know it.

It mildly offends me in some way that this Spanish player can feed us a line of crap and get by with it, but honestly, who cares anyway? From all accounts I've read, the Chinese people don't seem to care...and why should I care if them damned dog-eating commies care, anyway? These are the same people who had a pretty little girl lip sync their national anthem during the opening ceremonies over the beautiful voice of another little girl who they deemed not beautiful enough to be seen in such a setting. It also appears China is raiding its preschools to find gymnasts...even though the international rules require participants to be at least 16.

As far as I'm concerned, this whole "controversy" is the result of political correctness extending the iron fist with which it rules the U.S., trying to have that same control over the rest of the world. And for whose sake? A country that most of the world dislikes, anyway.

I think Calderon could've done the rest of the world, especially Europe, a big favor and said this:

"Hey, Chinese people have different eyes. We can't explain it, but it's funny to us. Immature, but funny. If you don't like it, tough shit. We're here to play basketball, not compliment each other's facial features. By the way, Yao Ming is a giant pussy."

JOBA WATCH 08

Joba Chamberlain will begin a throwing program on Friday. I just wanted to keep everyone in the loop. Joba may one day be better than Matt Clement so we must show our support. Stay tuned for more Joba news on JOBA WATCH 08.

News and Views

By: Guido

I know the D-Bags needed another outfielder and Adam Dunn is a fine player. All I'm sayin is that Chris Young k's alot. Adam Dunn k's alot. Hey, whatever. If it works out then good for them. I hope it doesn't. Though, they will be getting Justin Upton back very soon.

It really stinks that Evan Longoria's name is so close to Eva's. It also blows that he has a broken wrist. It's gonna be tough for Tampa to keep a strong lead over Boston and New York with both Crawford and Longoria on the DL. No, I'm not jumping off the Tampa Bay bandwagon. As a matter of fact, I was never on it. The only reason they get my cheers is that I hate NY and I'm sick of the Bosox. Maybe the Rays should have traded for Adam Dunn.

Bernie Mack is dead. Now before you get all upset, let me tell you why this is a good thing. During game 6 of the 2003 NLCS, Bernie sang the seventh inning stretch. During the song he substituted "root for the Cubbies" with "root for the champs, CHAMPS". No, I don't consider myself as superstitious as some baseball fans but you should never crown someone or team as "Champions" if they have yet to become so. Remember when Dennis Green said to "crown their ass"? Yeah, how did that work out? One should never prematurely proclaim a champion, especially in Chicago.

(Special) Olympics

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Is it still golf season?

By: Harvey

Did anybody else wake up this morning and remember that today is the final round of the PGA Tour Championship? You sure wouldn't know it by watching TV or reading the paper. Tiger Woods has knee surgery, and all of a sudden a major championship goes from front-page new to fifth-page news in one particular newspaper my area has to offer.

That's why when people talk about how popular golf has become since Tiger Woods first surfaced, I always correct them. Golf isn't any more popular than it ever was. Tiger Woods is the popular one. People love to see this guy play, and for good reason. He is a one-of-a-kind talent which nobody on this planet can match for an extended period of time. Sure, the Rocco Mediates of the world may occassionally hang with him for three or four rounds, sometimes even managing to beat him, but no one person has ever really come close to matching his output since joining the tour. That includes you, Phil Mickelson.

Maybe this is just how my mind works, but when I think about Tiger Woods' popularity, my next question is always this: would a golfer of Tiger's caliber garner this much attention if he was white? I know the question is a touchy one, and I'm not going to waste a lot of time trying to prove that I'm not some sort of racist — I'm not. It's that simple. You can believe whatever you want; I don't really care.

The question remains, at least in my mind. Does Tiger's popularity hinge at least partially on his ethnicity? I say it has to, because he is the first prominent African-American athlete the tour has ever had. He was and still is an anomaly. Sure, he'd still be popular if he was white because he's a fabulous talent . . . but would he still be on every other cover of Sports Illustrated and have his own video game and all the monster endorsement deals he has? I don't know.

Some would say what difference does it make? It's a good thing to have a non-white golfer attracting this much attention. It's a sign of growing diversity and tolerance in our world. I'm just not so sure. Golf is full of elitist-type folks, and I'm not so sure these guys would tolerate a black man if he wasn't the best golfer in the world. They really have no choice.

There are, after all, plenty of country clubs left in this world that would never dream of accepting a black member. I can't prove that, of course. They may not have it in writing or anything overtly racist like that, but I'd be willing to bet there are dozens acorss the country that are still totally white . . . and not by accident.

I guess my point is this: I have a fear that Tiger Woods is no more a sign of growing tolerance in our country than I am a sign that sports bloggers are really getting more intellectual by the day.

My fear is that Tiger is the first, last and only black man to ever make an impact on this tour. I'm not talking about Vijay Singh, either; I'm talking about American-born and raised black men. Besides Tiger, how many others do you see? Golf isn't really any more diverse than it ever was, and I doubt it is much more popular now among the African-American community than it ever was.

Yankee Fans Cry Out

By: Guido

Apparently ESPN will be airing the last game at Yankee Stadium (yawn). This isn't sitting well with their fans because they don't like Jon Miller and Joe Morgan. Well guess what? Tough shit. You think I like turning on ESPnews for some quick game scores and only hearing about Joba fucking Chamberlain? Science H. Logic, would you rather have Joe Buck and Tim McCarver? Or Chris Berman? It could be a helluva lot worse.

If Yankee Stadium is so damn great, then why tear it down? Seriously. All Yankee fans should link their arms together and make a circle around the stadium. Did you ever see that episode of Saved By the Bell when Jessie Spano and some others chained themselves to something and chanted about oil drilling? Well I do, but I don't remember what else they did. Whatever. You get the picture.

You deserve Chris Berman doing play-by-play. Just to bastardize the whole "ceremony". Sure, it will give you something to bitch about until the end of time but it would be funny as heck I tell ya.

You know what my favorite memory of Yankee Stadium is? When Josh Beckett tagged out Hey-Whore Posada to win the World Series. That was cool even if the Cubs were sitting at home.

So come this October, cause the Yanks aren't making the playoffs, the hallowed grounds where legends like Richie Sexson, Carl Pavano, Aaron Small, Jim Abbott, Paul Assenmacher, John Mayberry, and Billy Crystal played, laughed, and cried will be toast. Finally!!!

High Five, Hampton!

By: Guido

There really isn't a better team to get a "first" victory against than the SF Giants. Maybe Washington. Either way Mike Hampton earned his first victory since August of '05. No sprained vagina. No arm/shoulder stiffness. No chest or groin pulls. Just seven innings of four hit-two run baseball. Not bad. I can't recall another player coming back to the game after and injury riddled lay-off like Hampton's. Hampton could have just sat back and retired with his fat contract. He will have to do a lot more to prove to fans that he is worth something.

One other player who may be in the same situation in a year or two would be Mark Prior. Though, he didn't get a huge deal from San Diego(Spanish for Whale's Vagina), he hasn't proven anything other than being injury prone. And, of course, Barry Bonds is still teamless. Something tells me that he won't be playing ever again.

Return to Sender

By: Guido

Daniel Ray asks: What are the chances of Manny Ramirez staying as a dodger in the long run? ...will the Dodgers be brave enough to sign him to a long term contract?

I can definitely see Manny playing in the National League next year. Only he won't be in L.A. but for just a three game set. Manny will be a Met. He will be a Met until he retires. I think there could be a slight chance for Manny to play in the A.L. next year but I can't imagine Manny and Scott Boras turning down the money that Omar Minaya and the NY Mets will offer.

Johnny Zavala asks: Do you think Joba Chamberlain is over hyped by the media?

As of right now, yes. Joba has got the stuff to be around for a long time but I think it's a little to early to be having updates on his visits with Dr. Andrews. Lots of players that are better than Joba get only half the praise and in-game updates that Joba does. It's just east coast biased by ESPN and other sports publications like Sports Illustrated(excellent fire starter material) and Yahoo! sports. There are other players out there that are playing on higher levels than Joba but due to the market that they are playing in, they go unnoticed by most sports "fans".

jetsmets asks: What are you 2008-2009 NFL predictions?

The Raiders will still suck. The Patriots and Colts will be earlier favorites. Phillip Rivers will be the ultimate demise of the Chargers. Eli Manning will prove that last season was a fluke. Tony Romo will dump Jessica Simpson for Jenna Fischer. Pacman Jones will stay clean. The Bears will not have an o-line but will have a quarterback. The Brett Favre media circus will drag on far too long. Whatever team ends up getting Favre will have all their games broadcasted in prime time. An AFC team will win the Superbowl against an overacheiveing NFC opponent.

Orton Gets First Shot

By: Guido

Orton fans rejoice, but not too long. Though it isn't a definite decision, Orton will be starting against the Chiefs in the Bears pre-season opener.

Orton is getting the start over Rex because it would have been his turn to run the offense in practice. That is Lovie's plan. The Bears are taking turns at quarterback at camp. If Kyle wants to prove that he can run an offense, he better have a strong showing Thursday because Bears fans that hail from Chicago will be quick to encourage Lovie to go with Rex.

That's what I don't get. There isn't any patience with Chicagoans when it comes to the Bears quarterback situation. But when it comes to the Cubs, well that's another story. Seriously folks, we've seen what Rex can and can't do. Let's see what Orton has after all these years of holding Grossman's blank clipboard.

Farewell Skip

By: Harvey

Sunday evening was a rough one for me as I learned late in the evening that one of my favorite baseball announcers, Skip Caray, passed away at his home.

I'm not going to bore you by rehashing all the nice things that have been said and the anecdotes told about a guy I consider one of the best (maybe even better than his old man). Instead, I just want to share how Skip Caray became a part of my life.

I've been a Braves fan since I've been old enough to remember, surviving family pressure from overbearing Cubs and Cardinals fans and landing with the Atlanta team thanks to a Braves lunch box, ball cap and backpack sent to me as a gift by a much more thoughtful family member.

Becoming a Braves fan, especially back in the early 90s, meant hearing the voice of Skip Caray on TBS along with Pete Van Wieren, Don Sutton and Joe Simpson. Remember when TBS was cool and showed almost every Braves game? Now they're a bunch of bastards and sold out on the Braves...but back then they were America's Team because no other team was as readily available on a nightly basis.

People I knew always poked fun at the style of the TBS crews, especially mocking Caray's laid back voice and writing off his dry sense of humor as "dorkiness" or "lameness". I always defended it. It was always a treat for me to get to go to grandma's house or my aunt and uncle's house so I could see a game on TV. Maybe that's why it didn't bother me, because just the chance to hear his voice was a special thing back in those days.

One summer, I even discovered I could somehow pick up night games on the radio — I never did figure out if it was just a freak AM wave that occassionally made its way up here to the Midwest or if some more local station was relaying the broadcast. All I knew was if I couldn't have the Braves on TV, then hearing the same bunch of guys on the radio was good enough.

Finally, my folks ditched the Amish cable and got a dish, and I was in hog heaven. There were countless discussions throughout the summers during which I was chastised for having a Braves game on every night...but it never got me to change the channel.

Even when TBS began to pare down its Braves coverage for other more profitable programming, I still caught Skip and the gang when they were on. Once the decision was made to drop the Braves all together, I loved to hear Skip openly bitch on-air about the turn the Superstation had taken.

Just a few days ago, I tuned in my XM radio during a long car ride home to listen to Skip and Pete do the game, only to hear Mark Lemke working with Van Wieren in Caray's place. Didn't think much of it; little did I know I'd already missed my last chance to hear Skip do a game the way only he could do it.

Now, the voice of the Braves for over 30 years is gone. I realize it isn't ground-shaking news for most baseball fans, but I know it is tough news to take for my fellow Braves fans. The guy did what any broadcaster worth his salt is supposed to do, he worked his way into the hearts of his fans....and like it or not, they are all missing something now that he isn't around anymore.

I always used to wonder what the big deal was when Cubs fans talked so reverently about Harry Caray. Same with Cardinals fans and their great Jack Buck (whose son is still an asshole).

Now I know.

Rest in peace, Skip.

ESPN likes to repeat themselves

By: Guido

During last nights Astros/Cubs wash out, I was reminded why I dislike ESPN so much. It all started with the Monday Night Baseball bonus coverage of the Yankees/Rangers game.

Joba Chamberlain is injured. It happened during the bonus coverage. ESPN exclusive! You saw it there first! As soon as Joba rubbed his right arm during a mound visit with the Yanks skipper and trainer, the play-by-play and color cronies for ESPN kept saying "Joba is hurt. Joba seems to have injured his arm".

Three seconds later it became the breaking news for ESPN and ESPNews. Breaking News: Joba Chamberlain leaves in the fifth with arm injury vs Rangers. Ten minutes later: Joba Chamberlain leaves game in fifth with shoulder injury. And then later: Joba Chamberlain leaves game with shoulder stiffness.

After Joba became stiff, Manny Parra and Prince Fielder had an altercation in the dugout during their game against the Reds. That's what you call it these days, an "altercation". I call it a fight. Trash talking followed by a couple shoves and a gagle of fellows holding on eof the guys back, that's the qualifications for a fight. An altercation is just a heated argument. No violence needed.

The Cubs game was still in delay so Baseball Tonight came on and it was time for that crew to shine. Do they dare talk about the game they are supposed to be showing? Yes, they give a quick mention to the rain and tornados. First let's get to the big news, they say. They show the Rangers/Yanks highlights and then talk about Joba's injury. As soon as they beat that like a dead horse (ex Barbaro), they moved on to the Brew Crew fight. Time for John Kruk to shine! He gives his opinion. Big Whoop.

For the next hour, ESPN would show an in game update followed by Joba's injury and then the Brewers fight. Over and over and over. I was actually begging for some Brett Favre news or maybe a story of another Georgia football player getting arrested. In fact, John Kruk's fight analysis was sooooo spectacular that ESPN had him showcase his answer on that night's edition of Sportscenter.

The thing is, I've never seen so much hoopla over a pitcher, who isn't that great, get injured. What has Joba accomplished that makes him headline news. Shoulder stiffness. Who cares? There was less talk when Pujols went down a couple months ago and he is the best player in all of baseball. Again, it's New York. The only way it would have been a bigger deal is if Joba was wearing a Red Sox jersey.

I say show Marlon Bryd's grand slam. Show the Indians/Rays highlights. Show us Erin Andrews. Show us pictures Stu Scott's glass eye.

Odds and Ends

By: Guido

I know everyone, except those who work for major sports networks, is sick and tired of this Brett Favre shit. The Packers are a better team with Favre but he strung that organization along for far to long. Favre officially retired after last season. That's it. You're done. Tough shit, Brett. Green Bay moved on and finally got to work on the post-Favre era. Give it up and go back to Mississippi.
Everyone hates you know. I know that's a total 180 from this time last season but hey, fuck you man.

The Red Sox are so stupid to trade Manny. Jason Bay is half the player Manny is however, Bay seems to be brighter and a little more pleasant. I can understand an organization not wanting someone on their team that isn't willing to go out and give 100 percent everyday. I just think that Boston could have gotten a little more for Manny. They are pushing for the playoffs for crying out loud! This would be the equivalent of the Bengals trading Chad Johnson for Brandon Stoakley. Nothing against Stoaks but, it's Chad freakin Johnson. Whatever Boston. Kiss that 2008 World Series goodbye. Idiots.

The LA Angels Angels, in my opinion, have to be the favorites to win it all this year now that they have traded for Mark Teixeira. They have such a powerful line-up now but they need to make sure they can get Mark to sign a long term deal or they will be S.O.L. at first base for 2009.

I was very surprised to see that the Twins, Marlins, and Rays didn't get any deals done to strengthen their teams.

The White Sox are a better team with Griffey, even more so since Thome and Konerko aren't hitting, but I don't see how this helps with their problems in centerfield. Oh well.

Tomorrow is the NFL Hall of Fame game. You can rest assured that no future Hall of Famers will actually play. There will be a Jim Sorgi sighting but that is very common this time of year.

Word in Bourbonnais is that Kyle Orton is making Rex Grossman look like, well, Craig Krenzel. Krenzel, however, plays more like Jonathan Quinn. And everyone knows that Quinn is a poor man's Chad Hutchinson. Which brings me to Kordell Stewart...

UFC 87 Predictions

By: Guido

UFC 87 is going to be an awesome card but I'm only going to preview the three big fights.This is because they will be a bigger factor into the future of UFC pay-per-views as compared to the rest of the card.

Brock Lesnar(1-1) vs. Heath "The Texas Crazy Horse" Herring(28-13, 1 NC)
I think Brock will win this heavyweight fight sometime in the first round due to a TKO. If Brock allows Heath to make it to the second round, he will probably lose because he would have gassed himself out. Remember Brock's Feb. match with Frank Mir? Brock pounded Mir's face but got so over zealous and amped up that he made a rookie mistake and Mir damn near broke his knee. I like Herring for his experience but the fight is taking place in Lesnar's town of Minneapolis. Brock will strike quick and cash a big check.

Roger "El Matador" Huerta(25-1-1, 1 NC) vs. Kenny "KenFlo" Florian(10-3)
El Matador will prove to be to great of an opponent for Florian. Huerta, like Lesnar, fights out of Minneapolis and will have plenty of cheers to back him during the fight. Florian has had some decent fights as of late but he may want to focus more on the fights rather than his color commentary skills that he likes to flex in Joe Rogan's absence. This win should push Huerta into a Lightweight title fight with B.J. "The Prodigy" Penn.

Georges "Rush" St. Pierre(16-2) vs. Jon "Two Face" Fitch(19-2, 1 NC)
When it's all said and done I believe that GSP will retain the Welterweight championship. Fitch will prove a formidable opponent but in the end GSP will take it by submission in the 4th or 5th round. This won't be the last time these two warriors will meet.

In the other two main card fights I'll take:
Rob Emerson over Manny Gamburyan by decision
Jason McDonald over Demian Maia by KO