I look at the UFC and I see men being choked out all the time. But the men have to really squeeze pretty hard because a mans neck is so thick. But does an average woman have the power to do so. I know a pro can like Gina Carano or perhaps a female bodybuilder. And I also know women can choke out other women, but lets face it, they have thinner necks. What say you? - Gantuar3
Guido says: You must get alot of your info from Kazakhstani top scientist Dr Yamak. Yes, a woman could choke a man into unconsciousness. And it doesn't take a frying pan to the head beforehand. Idiot.
What are the chances of an Anderson Silva vs Lyoto Machida fight ever happening? - Edward
Guido says: Well it depends on a couple things. Machida doesn't necessarily need to win against Evans, but it would help. Anderson Silva's next fight will be at light heavyweight versus Forrest Griffin. If Silva continues to put on boring and unengaging fights in the middleweight division, Dana White will probably look to keep Silva at light heavy. Though, you never really know what kind of shit will happen when Dana White is running things.
Do you think that Frank Mir will beat Brock Lesnar the second time?
If Frank Mir comes in the shape he was in against Nogeria I think he has a great chance of beating Lesnar. - cartoonist
Guido says: Yes. I think Mir has the edge in what is going to be a very competitive fight. Here's the thing. If Lesnar come out like he did in their first match, he'll beat the living shit out of Mir. Brock is too quick and too strong. He would be an idiot to not press this fight the minute it starts. Mir may be comfortable on his back, but Lesnar's experience and training since the loss have made him a much better fighter than he was back in Feb of 08. If Lesnar is slow to go for take downs, Mir should be able to pepper him with punches. I'd like to see Mir win this fight but I feel that Lesnar's size, power, and speed may be the difference. However, Mir is heads and tails above Lesnar in octagon smarts, submissions, and boxing. Mir by submission.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Men's Softball is Super Serial
By: Guido
I played in a local men's softball tournament this past weekend. I figured out two things. I still lack warning track power and beer and emotions don't mix well on the softball diamond.
So feelings don't get hurt, I'll refer to the alcoholic team as Alcoholics Anonymous(AA for short). Now, to say the team I play on is good, would be an understatement. Because we have yet to get uniforms, other teams tend to look at us as a bunch of scrubs who have assembled a team at the last second. Don't be fooled.
We entered the "Game of Conflict" 2-1 in the double elimination tourney. One win away from the title game where we would play the team that had already beat us once before. We were pretty confident that we would beat AA and move on. However, AA clearly felt the same and then some. Probably didn't help that a few on there players had been drinking in the hot sun throughout the day. One look at us and they thought, "These fuckers don't even have uniforms. Look at 'em. What a bunch of ragtag misfits".
Now, if my memory serves me correct, we should have one by a large margin but we let them back into the game. This after there own player totally butt fucked his team by blowing a call at second base(the team batting must supply an ump for the field). This really tore the team apart. AA was pissed at the home plate ump(they tore into his ass) and at us. AA grinded though, and eventually came back to tie the game.
At some point in the late innings all hell broke loose. Mars just safely reached third and no sooner had the batter dug in at the plate that the pitcher(who had just had ACL surgery) started yelling at Mars. Apparently the AA team doesn't take kindly to pressure as we had two guys on base and were looking to build a lead. At some point "Fuck you" and "Go suck your mama's tits" were yelled at a perplexed Mars, who later scored.
The game went into extras with both teams leaning on the verge of elimination. then finally we took the lead and went into the bottom of the inning up by 2 or 3. AA had one out and runners on first and second. The AA batter hit a two hopper to short. Porter fielded it cleanly and flipped it to second. What happened next was a big shit storm of bad base running and bad umping. The AA runner on second didn't run for third. He froze and watched Porter scoop up the ball and flip it to Adam. Adam touched second for the force out and then tagged out the guy who he had forced out. The ump(AA player, remember?) called "Out! for the force and "Out! for the tag. It took a few seconds for everyone to realize what happened.
Chaos erupted on the AA bench. I was lucky enough to be catching at the time. The home plate ump clearly didn't want to make a decision on the play. He had no idea what happened. The drunk AA players were struggling with using words to put the sentences together. The ump told me that he really didn't see what happened. Which was bullshit. He saw it. I said "We got the same runner out twice". "Yeah. That's what I was trying to say", said the drunk AA batter. Game on. Two outs now with a runners on second and first. The next AA batter flied out to end the game. We were headed to the championship game where we would have to win twice.
Handshakes are a normal and fitting way to end a game, whether it's little league or men's softball. Like the majority of my team, I figured the AA team would leave the animosity on the field. They didn't. I was near the front of the handshake line and had already moved through it when i heard some yelling and cursing. The AA guys couldn't let it go and the ACL guy had gotten to Mars, he wanted to give him a handshake with his fist. Luckily we have a couple guys who are bigger than their guys and they were able to separate the crowd and both teams went there own way.
We're an easy going team, which was evident when we started laughing and slapping hands after being handed a royal ass beating in the title game. We played well and if you could see the team that beat us, you would understand. They can hit the shit out of the ball. It probably helps that they are motivated by the fact that they never made it playing college ball and take every game like a major league contract is on the line. Never the less, they are good sports and played hard as ever. We walked back to the parking area in a convoy. We had to. The AA team's beer party was in between us and our cars.
Our main concern was to get Mars to his vehicle without incident. this would not be achievable, however. We had almost past the AA station when one of their players came at Mars. Strangely enough, he didn't go at him. A very surprised Adam turned around as a drunken AA ginger got in his face and told him "If you ever look at me again, I'll fucking kick your ass. I told you not to look at me". By this time, the majority of our team had surrounded him. His wife arrived just before he was able to push it too far. Embarrassed, she pulled his drunk ass back to their party. I knew this probably wasn't the first time she's had to do that and I doubted it would be the last.
One by one we all left. I wiped the dust from my eyes and lip of my gatorade bottle as I drove away. I wondered how someone could take a game so seriously. Maybe they should ban beer from the park.
I played in a local men's softball tournament this past weekend. I figured out two things. I still lack warning track power and beer and emotions don't mix well on the softball diamond.
So feelings don't get hurt, I'll refer to the alcoholic team as Alcoholics Anonymous(AA for short). Now, to say the team I play on is good, would be an understatement. Because we have yet to get uniforms, other teams tend to look at us as a bunch of scrubs who have assembled a team at the last second. Don't be fooled.
We entered the "Game of Conflict" 2-1 in the double elimination tourney. One win away from the title game where we would play the team that had already beat us once before. We were pretty confident that we would beat AA and move on. However, AA clearly felt the same and then some. Probably didn't help that a few on there players had been drinking in the hot sun throughout the day. One look at us and they thought, "These fuckers don't even have uniforms. Look at 'em. What a bunch of ragtag misfits".
Now, if my memory serves me correct, we should have one by a large margin but we let them back into the game. This after there own player totally butt fucked his team by blowing a call at second base(the team batting must supply an ump for the field). This really tore the team apart. AA was pissed at the home plate ump(they tore into his ass) and at us. AA grinded though, and eventually came back to tie the game.
At some point in the late innings all hell broke loose. Mars just safely reached third and no sooner had the batter dug in at the plate that the pitcher(who had just had ACL surgery) started yelling at Mars. Apparently the AA team doesn't take kindly to pressure as we had two guys on base and were looking to build a lead. At some point "Fuck you" and "Go suck your mama's tits" were yelled at a perplexed Mars, who later scored.
The game went into extras with both teams leaning on the verge of elimination. then finally we took the lead and went into the bottom of the inning up by 2 or 3. AA had one out and runners on first and second. The AA batter hit a two hopper to short. Porter fielded it cleanly and flipped it to second. What happened next was a big shit storm of bad base running and bad umping. The AA runner on second didn't run for third. He froze and watched Porter scoop up the ball and flip it to Adam. Adam touched second for the force out and then tagged out the guy who he had forced out. The ump(AA player, remember?) called "Out! for the force and "Out! for the tag. It took a few seconds for everyone to realize what happened.
Chaos erupted on the AA bench. I was lucky enough to be catching at the time. The home plate ump clearly didn't want to make a decision on the play. He had no idea what happened. The drunk AA players were struggling with using words to put the sentences together. The ump told me that he really didn't see what happened. Which was bullshit. He saw it. I said "We got the same runner out twice". "Yeah. That's what I was trying to say", said the drunk AA batter. Game on. Two outs now with a runners on second and first. The next AA batter flied out to end the game. We were headed to the championship game where we would have to win twice.
Handshakes are a normal and fitting way to end a game, whether it's little league or men's softball. Like the majority of my team, I figured the AA team would leave the animosity on the field. They didn't. I was near the front of the handshake line and had already moved through it when i heard some yelling and cursing. The AA guys couldn't let it go and the ACL guy had gotten to Mars, he wanted to give him a handshake with his fist. Luckily we have a couple guys who are bigger than their guys and they were able to separate the crowd and both teams went there own way.
We're an easy going team, which was evident when we started laughing and slapping hands after being handed a royal ass beating in the title game. We played well and if you could see the team that beat us, you would understand. They can hit the shit out of the ball. It probably helps that they are motivated by the fact that they never made it playing college ball and take every game like a major league contract is on the line. Never the less, they are good sports and played hard as ever. We walked back to the parking area in a convoy. We had to. The AA team's beer party was in between us and our cars.
Our main concern was to get Mars to his vehicle without incident. this would not be achievable, however. We had almost past the AA station when one of their players came at Mars. Strangely enough, he didn't go at him. A very surprised Adam turned around as a drunken AA ginger got in his face and told him "If you ever look at me again, I'll fucking kick your ass. I told you not to look at me". By this time, the majority of our team had surrounded him. His wife arrived just before he was able to push it too far. Embarrassed, she pulled his drunk ass back to their party. I knew this probably wasn't the first time she's had to do that and I doubted it would be the last.
One by one we all left. I wiped the dust from my eyes and lip of my gatorade bottle as I drove away. I wondered how someone could take a game so seriously. Maybe they should ban beer from the park.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Say My Name
By: Guido
There's a phrase that circulates the sports media outlets that makes me sick every time I hear it.
"This is a guy..." or "Here is a guy..."
Why can't you just say the players name? Why do you have to say, for example, "This is a guy who scores ten points a game"? Wouldn't it sound better to say "Sherman/He scores ten points a game"? Why the fuck do all these so-called sports analyst say this phrase? I think it makes them sound incredibly stupid. Listen to NFL Sunday Countdown. Those dip shits say it every five seconds.
It's the equivalent of saying "I know, right?" after agreeing with someone. Which, by the way, makes absolutely no fucking sense at all. You're questioning the fact that you agree or concur with the previous statement in your conversation.
"Josh Hancock played for the St. Louis Cardinals."
"Here is a guy who is dead. I mean, when it comes to being a rotted corpse, this is a guy who you want in your bullpen."
"I know, right?"
There's a phrase that circulates the sports media outlets that makes me sick every time I hear it.
"This is a guy..." or "Here is a guy..."
Why can't you just say the players name? Why do you have to say, for example, "This is a guy who scores ten points a game"? Wouldn't it sound better to say "Sherman/He scores ten points a game"? Why the fuck do all these so-called sports analyst say this phrase? I think it makes them sound incredibly stupid. Listen to NFL Sunday Countdown. Those dip shits say it every five seconds.
It's the equivalent of saying "I know, right?" after agreeing with someone. Which, by the way, makes absolutely no fucking sense at all. You're questioning the fact that you agree or concur with the previous statement in your conversation.
"Josh Hancock played for the St. Louis Cardinals."
"Here is a guy who is dead. I mean, when it comes to being a rotted corpse, this is a guy who you want in your bullpen."
"I know, right?"
NBA Playoffs = 3 Long Boring Months
By: Guido
The NBA playoffs are long and drawn out. Sure there may be a game on every night but it takes over two weeks to get through a damn series. This is too long to wait.
The NBA should return the five game series to the first round. This would give the games a sense of urgency and so maybe we wouldn't have to wait through so many distance going match ups.
It's all about trying to get ratings for the NBA. That's why they want to spread the games out and not show too many in one night. This is stupid. The playoffs start in mid April and end around the end of June. Fuck. That's too damn long. Each team should play every other day. NBA players are conditioned athletes and can handle it. They may need to cut back on the weed smoking and late night partying, but they can handle it.
Most NBA players are big pussies. They cry when they twist an ankle. Hell, sometimes they pretend to be in pain just to draw a foul. Why can't they just play ball like big boys?
In conclusion, the NBA sucks.
The NBA playoffs are long and drawn out. Sure there may be a game on every night but it takes over two weeks to get through a damn series. This is too long to wait.
The NBA should return the five game series to the first round. This would give the games a sense of urgency and so maybe we wouldn't have to wait through so many distance going match ups.
It's all about trying to get ratings for the NBA. That's why they want to spread the games out and not show too many in one night. This is stupid. The playoffs start in mid April and end around the end of June. Fuck. That's too damn long. Each team should play every other day. NBA players are conditioned athletes and can handle it. They may need to cut back on the weed smoking and late night partying, but they can handle it.
Most NBA players are big pussies. They cry when they twist an ankle. Hell, sometimes they pretend to be in pain just to draw a foul. Why can't they just play ball like big boys?
In conclusion, the NBA sucks.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Nascar. Why?
By: Guido
On espnews i noticed that their Nascar analyst resembles everything but a Nascar fan. Sure, he had a southern accent and was a ginger, but that was it. He wore a suit (no holes or stains)! No facial hair (mutton chops please)! Here's the kicker, he was wearing hair gel. He's a Nascar fan with a stylist. He didn't even stop mid sentence to spit some Grizzly snuff or fuck his cousin! My head exploded. What's next, an black NBA analyst without child support payments and a white woman dependency? A MLB analyst without a sexual harassment record and drinking problem? A WWE analyst who doesn't have strokes every three years?
Damn espn Nascar analyst, you just blew my mind.
On espnews i noticed that their Nascar analyst resembles everything but a Nascar fan. Sure, he had a southern accent and was a ginger, but that was it. He wore a suit (no holes or stains)! No facial hair (mutton chops please)! Here's the kicker, he was wearing hair gel. He's a Nascar fan with a stylist. He didn't even stop mid sentence to spit some Grizzly snuff or fuck his cousin! My head exploded. What's next, an black NBA analyst without child support payments and a white woman dependency? A MLB analyst without a sexual harassment record and drinking problem? A WWE analyst who doesn't have strokes every three years?
Damn espn Nascar analyst, you just blew my mind.
Bearssss
By: Guido
Alright, so I may not have been Cutler's biggest fan but i never said he couldn't throw the old pigskin. The guy needs to grow up though and the Chicago media and Bears fans aren't gonna cut him any slack.
Other than Matt Forte and Greg Olsen, the Bears offense is lacking some pizazz. Hester's great at running really fast and dropping passes for fear of getting laid out but the Bears need a REAL receiver. It's easy to say this now but the Bears probably should have looked to trade Hester a year ago. They could have picked up some good players or draft picks. It would have been a ballsy move. I couldn't have done it.
I wouldn't have minded seeing the Bears sign WR Plaxico Burress to a one and done deal. Heck, you never know what that offense could do with some weapons at WR.
I don't see the defense getting any better or younger. Hopefully the addition of Cutler will breathe new life into Urlacher's back.
I think Cutler will do just fine. And I would also like to note that Matt Forte was severely overlooked in the Rookie of the Year talk last season and that everyone can kiss his ass when he puts up MVP numbers this coming season. Fuck, he's so underrated it's ridiculous.
Alright, so I may not have been Cutler's biggest fan but i never said he couldn't throw the old pigskin. The guy needs to grow up though and the Chicago media and Bears fans aren't gonna cut him any slack.
Other than Matt Forte and Greg Olsen, the Bears offense is lacking some pizazz. Hester's great at running really fast and dropping passes for fear of getting laid out but the Bears need a REAL receiver. It's easy to say this now but the Bears probably should have looked to trade Hester a year ago. They could have picked up some good players or draft picks. It would have been a ballsy move. I couldn't have done it.
I wouldn't have minded seeing the Bears sign WR Plaxico Burress to a one and done deal. Heck, you never know what that offense could do with some weapons at WR.
I don't see the defense getting any better or younger. Hopefully the addition of Cutler will breathe new life into Urlacher's back.
I think Cutler will do just fine. And I would also like to note that Matt Forte was severely overlooked in the Rookie of the Year talk last season and that everyone can kiss his ass when he puts up MVP numbers this coming season. Fuck, he's so underrated it's ridiculous.
Baseball Notes Chapter 1
By: Guido
It's been an interesting week so far in the Majors. There has been three unpredictable and shocking deaths (Nick Adenhart, Harry Kalas and Mark Fidrych) and a few predictable events (Chris Carpenter strained rib cage, a preseason favorite tanking, and Barry Bonds is still out of baseball).
Let's start with beer swillin', hot dog eatin' fat ass David Wells. Wells recently became a commentator for TBS regular season and playoff baseball coverage. I applaude this move. I enjoy Wells' profaine language and outspoken personality. He's no Harold Renoylds, but he'll do just fine.
Yankees 1B/OF/blowhard Nick Swisher pitched in a game the other night. This isn't the first time a position player has covered an inning of relief when his teams was getting their asses kicked. Yet the sports media covered it like a Lindsay Lohan crotch shot.
Stop me if you've heard this one before. A cat ran onto the field during the Mets home opener. Let's hope this means the Mets are fucked for years to come.
Kevin Gregg likes to take showers of boos.
Former Chicago Cubs players on DL: Rich Hill (Bal), Angel Pagan (Nym), Tom Gordon (Arz) Cliff Floyd (SD).
Things that wont last: Division leading Baltimore Orioles, St. Louis Cardinals, and San Diego Padres. D Lee's "Paul Bako" like numbers. Christian Guzman's batting average(.515). Zack Duke and Kyle Lohse winning streaks (2 games).
Things that will last: Washington Nationals and Houston Astros starring as Doormats for their divisions. Mike Fontenot and Ryan Theriot hitting clinics. Milton Bradley pulled muscles. Tim Hudson's DL vacation. Zack Greinke's ERA (0.00).
So after a week, I rate this season as a 9 so far. A couple more losses for the Cards and Yanks and we could have had a 10. Though, if not for Reed Johnson's Badd Ass catch, then we'd be looking at a 6.
It's been an interesting week so far in the Majors. There has been three unpredictable and shocking deaths (Nick Adenhart, Harry Kalas and Mark Fidrych) and a few predictable events (Chris Carpenter strained rib cage, a preseason favorite tanking, and Barry Bonds is still out of baseball).
Let's start with beer swillin', hot dog eatin' fat ass David Wells. Wells recently became a commentator for TBS regular season and playoff baseball coverage. I applaude this move. I enjoy Wells' profaine language and outspoken personality. He's no Harold Renoylds, but he'll do just fine.
Yankees 1B/OF/blowhard Nick Swisher pitched in a game the other night. This isn't the first time a position player has covered an inning of relief when his teams was getting their asses kicked. Yet the sports media covered it like a Lindsay Lohan crotch shot.
Stop me if you've heard this one before. A cat ran onto the field during the Mets home opener. Let's hope this means the Mets are fucked for years to come.
Kevin Gregg likes to take showers of boos.
Former Chicago Cubs players on DL: Rich Hill (Bal), Angel Pagan (Nym), Tom Gordon (Arz) Cliff Floyd (SD).
Things that wont last: Division leading Baltimore Orioles, St. Louis Cardinals, and San Diego Padres. D Lee's "Paul Bako" like numbers. Christian Guzman's batting average(.515). Zack Duke and Kyle Lohse winning streaks (2 games).
Things that will last: Washington Nationals and Houston Astros starring as Doormats for their divisions. Mike Fontenot and Ryan Theriot hitting clinics. Milton Bradley pulled muscles. Tim Hudson's DL vacation. Zack Greinke's ERA (0.00).
So after a week, I rate this season as a 9 so far. A couple more losses for the Cards and Yanks and we could have had a 10. Though, if not for Reed Johnson's Badd Ass catch, then we'd be looking at a 6.
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